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Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate Paperback – January 2, 2016

4.5 out of 5 stars 315 ratings

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Bravo, Stan Tatkin, for writing a truly useful book about dating: what to look for; how to handle Internet dating sites; what to know about yourself; how to vet potential partners; and how to proceed in a level-headed fashion toward finding life’s greatest prize—a long-term successful partnership. Moreover, it’s got poetry, a grounded understanding of neuroscience and attachment theory, excellent questions and exercises, and really smart advice. I learned a lot. It’s a special book.”
—Helen Fisher, PhD, biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, chief scientific advisor to the Internet dating site www.match.com, and author of Why Him? Why Her?, Why We Love, Anatomy of Love, The First Sex, and The Sex Contract


“People entering into relationships today need this book more than ever.
Wired for Dating goes beyond simply being a guide on increasing your chances of successful dating; Stan Tatkin, PsyD, provides a science-based approach filled with valuable insights and techniques that can give us the ability to create more enduring and richer relationships. This book can transform the culture we live in today!”
—Elisha Goldstein, PhD, cofounder of The Center for Mindful Living in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Uncovering Happiness


“Perhaps nothing is as pivotal in creating enduring and satisfying relationships as the intricate dance of dating. Stan Tatkin has found a way to make the complexities of this elusive process clear, without diluting the science and clinical practice that inform this central life issue.
Wired for Dating is a flexible and supportive guide for those running the relationship gauntlet, as well as a significant contribution to emotionally based therapies.”
—Peter A. Levine, PhD, author of Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and In an Unspoken Voice


“Where was Stan Tatkin when 
I was dating? I highly recommend Wired for Dating to anyone who is ready for a secure-functioning relationship. Tatkin addresses the scientific, psychobiological, neurobiological, and intricate ways of the nervous system within the realm of dating, and does so in an utterly readable, practically applicable, wise, and entertaining way.”
—Alanis Morissette, artist and activist

“If you are thinking about starting to date, are excited about a person you recently met, or have met the love of your life, you will find reading this book an eye-opening experience. Stan Tatkin has succeeded in integrating attachment and neuroscience research as he takes us on a wonderful journey through the worlds of dating, mating, and love.”
—Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy and Lean on Me


“Meeting and coming together with a mate doesn’t have to be a happenstance affair. In
Wired for Dating, Stan Tatkin lays out what you need to know and specifically what you can do to have the best chances of success in a relationship. Expert advice for people of all ages and all shades of prior experience who are serious about finding happiness in a lasting long-term relationship.”
—Bill O’Hanlon, coauthor of Love is a Verb and Rewriting Love Stories


“Stan Tatkin’s
Wired for Dating is a wonderful, supportive guide to self- and relationship discovery. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom that make it easy to answer some of the toughest dating questions. Using Tatkin’s psychobiological approach, you can navigate dating with much more grace. You have a way to identify serious red flags, as well as the exercises and skills to build a long-term successful partnership. Now you can choose a life partner with confidence and the clarity that you are right for each other. Reading Wired for Dating is one of the most important decisions you will make in your mating life.”
—Ellyn Bader, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA


“Stan Tatkin’s marvelous and intelligent guide gives you the total map when you seek a partner worthy of your efforts and ask the important question, ‘Is this the right one for me?’ Tatkin shows you how to use both sides of your powerful brain and finally make the right decision. The heart meets science, and you’re the winner. He takes the mystery out of dating so you can enjoy the mystery of being with the person you really love. Now you can date with a safety net, and enjoy the journey as the genuine magic happens.”
—Peter Pearson, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA


“Stan Tatkin is one of the most important voices in couple relationships today. His knowledge is grounded in research, packed with practicality, and sprinkled with a unique blend of wisdom and wit. Take the time to read
Wired for Dating; you will be rewarded with inspiration and insight.”
—Pat Love, EdD, LMFT, coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It


“Stan Takin is one of the leading figures in relationship counseling. In
Wired for Dating, he explains partnership science so that readers can create a secure, meaningful relationship. Study this book before commencing your relationship journey so you have a map for success. Learn these methods when you are partnered to chart its continuation. Easy to read, eminently practical.”
—Jeffrey K. Zeig, PhD, founder and CEO of The Milton H. Erickson Foundation

About the Author

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is the author of Wired for Love and Your Brain on Love, and coauthor of Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He has a clinical practice in Southern California, teaches at Kaiser Permanente, and is assistant clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles. Tatkin developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and together with his wife Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, founded the PACT Institute.

Foreword writers
Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, are partners in life and work. They cocreated Imago relationship therapy (IRT); cofounded Imago Relationships International, Inc., which supports Imago couples therapists in thirty-seven countries; and have written several books on intimate relationships, including Hendrix’s New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want, which has been published in sixty languages. Hendrix appeared on Oprah seventeen times. Hunt was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (January 2, 2016)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 200 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 162625303X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1626253032
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.1 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 out of 5 stars 315 ratings

About the author

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Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.

In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.

Books/CDs by Dr. Tatkin include:

* Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships, 6 CD set published by Sounds True

* Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, published by New Harbinger.

* Love and War in Intimate Relation-ships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy, with coauthor Marion Solomon, available through W. W. Norton's Interpersonal Neurobiology Series.

Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships.

Dr. Tatkin was a primary inpatient group therapist at the John Bradshaw Center, where among other things, he taught mindfulness to patients and staff. He was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin was clinical director of Charter Hospital's intensive outpatient drug and alcohol program, and is a former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter. He is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse's program out of UC Berkeley.

Stan Tatkin and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, Ph.D. developed the PACT Institute to train clinicians in A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®). A fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation, PACT is has gained a reputation for effectively treating even the most challenging. The PACT Institute hosts trainings in seven US cities as well as in Australia, Canada, Spain, and Turkey.

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4.5 out of 5 stars
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