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For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men Hardcover – March 19, 2013
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Praise for For Women Only
“Shaunti’s signature message, which she has shared around the world with millions of listeners, is life changing and something every woman needs to hear. Every time I have given someone this book, I have seen lives and marriages changed!”
—Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times best-selling author of Made to Crave
“This one short, little book brings a long-lasting, big impact on marriage—which is why I've been taking groups of women through a For Women Only study every year since I first read it. Shaunti’s message has impacted my relationships personally, and I’ve seen some amazing transformation in the lives and marriages of others.”
—Holly Furtick, Lead Pastor's wife, Elevation Church, Charlotte, NC
“What an important book!”
—Beth Moore, Bible teacher, bestselling author of So Long Insecurity
“In our weekly couples’ study we read and discussed both For Women Only and For Men Only over the course of several months. They were fascinating and very helpful. The findings in these books about how men and women think are so enlightening. My wife and I think these books should be required premarital reading!”
—Comedian Jeff Foxworthy
“You’re about to gain some fresh insight into some of the mysteries of masculinity. For Women Only is a book that I believe will provide understanding and bring harmony to a lot of marriages.”
—Bob Lepine, cohost of FamilyLife Today
“Ready for an eye-opener? Shaunti Feldhahn has uncovered a mountain of meaningful information for any woman wanting to understand men at a profound level.”
—Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Seattle Pacific University; authors of Love Talk
“Men are in agreement on this one: For Women Only is one book every husband wishes his wife would read! It is a practical, thought-provoking message that will show you what you should do – and not do – when it comes to your relationship with the man in your life. Read it, and you’re bound to have many ‘aha!’ moments that could revolutionize your relationship.”
—Valorie Burton, bestselling author of Successful Women Think Differently and What’s Really Holding You Back?
“Navigating the differences between men and women might be impossibility if it weren't for Shaunti's insight and inspiration. For Women Only is a treasure box that never seems empty of wisdom. Every time I dig in, my hands and heart emerge filled with tools that help me know myself better and relate to the people I love more effectively. If you've already read it, you should read it again. And if you are just opening these pages for the first time, buckle a seat-belt over your soul and get ready for a ride you won't soon forget.”
—Priscilla Shirer, best-selling author of One in a Million
“For Women Only is the best book I have read for women, about men. Shaunti's research, facts and stories in this little book create an incredible read for all women. Single, married, divorced or not even allowed to date yet should all read this and come to understand the key truths that will help in your relationship with any man. I bought a copy, read it, was astonished, and then bought ten more and sent them to everyone on our team.”
—Craig Gross, founder of XXXchurch.com
“We purchased 9,000 copies of Shaunti’s book, For Women Only, and gave one to every woman in our congregations as part of a special Sunday morning event. I interviewed Shaunti on stage during all our worship services. The response was incredible. She has an engaging, compelling way of presenting her findings about how men think. It helped open the eyes of women to the real needs of the men in their lives, and it gave men a common language to use to talk about these things with their wives. I urge churches and other groups to give her the opportunity to share this message.”
—Andy Stanley, author of Enemies of the Heart; Senior Pastor, North Point Community Church, Alpharetta, GA
Praise for For Men Only and For Women Only
“Whenever Shaunti Feldhahn appears as a guest on the Focus on the Family radio program, we know that listener response will be enthusiastic. She has a way of connecting with the audience that is unique and compelling. We’re thankful for the unique perspective she provides not only to the Christian community, but to the culture at large.”
—Jim Daly, President, Focus on the Family
“These are the books I pass out to people as the best on the subject. Shaunti Feldhahn has the rare ability to do impeccable research and then make her findings incredibly practical. There is something to learn on every page.”
—Jim Burns, PhD., President, HomeWord and author of Creating an Intimate Marriage
“Whatever Shaunti Feldhahn researches, read. Actually, do more than read…study! Shaunti’s ability to ask the right questions, find the right answers and communicate the results clearly and practically sets her apart as a gifted researcher. Her content guides and changes lives.”
—Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., best-selling author, Love and Respect
“Shaunti Feldhahn has a unique gift for helping men understand women, and women, men. Her books, For Women Only and For Men Only, are the best I know at providing rich and practical gender understanding that can be used immediately. I highly recommend both all the time!”
—Robert Lewis, author of Raising a Modern-Day Knight; founder, Men's Fraternity
“Shaunti Feldhahn has the unique gift of communicating a Christian worldview in a language everyone, Christian or secular, understands. Her experience and educational background qualify her to speak and write authoritatively about relationships and how people respond. I personally have seen and felt the impact of her research. She is the "go-to" person for our organization when we need insight.”
—Phil Waldrep, founder, Women of Joy Conferences and Phil Waldrep Ministries, Decatur, AL
About the Author
Shaunti Feldhahn is a popular speaker, best-selling author, and groundbreaking social researcher. Her findings have been featured in media as diverse as Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, the New York Times and Cosmo. With a master’s degree from Harvard University, Shaunti has worked on Wall Street and Capitol Hill. Now she applies her analytical skills to illuminating surprising truths about relationships. She and her husband, Jeff, live in Atlanta with their two children.
Top customer reviews
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The book is a very quick read. I was surprised at how small the book actually is; however the book is loaded with information. I liked that it was written from the women's perspective and that the author provided stories about her struggles with her husband. The information was very relatable, and I definitely had a couple of "ah-ha!" moments. There were passages that seemed to describe my husband perfectly. I am not very religious; however I was not turned off by the biblical references.
My question is, now what??! I am not sure how to implement changes to improve my marriage. The book explains that a husband absolutely needs to be respected and affirmed. There was a little guidance, but I need help with how to really implement changes. The lack of practical tips left me disappointed, but overall I thought the message of the book was very helpful. The survey results are undeniable and help me understand the importance of respect in a marriage.
My husband and I are stuck in a cycle of lack of respect on my part and lack of love on his part. I am very hurt and angry, but I want to better my marriage. I am going to try the following actions for the next 30 days to see if there is an improvement. I have not talked to my husband about this book yet, I am going to wait to see if I get results.
My 30-day action plan:
1) Always accept his opinion and judgement on a matter and only offer my opinion if asked
2) Initiate casual physical connections at least once a day (ie: rubbing shoulders, sitting next to on couch, etc.)
3) Initiate sex at least once a week
I will give an update regarding the results. I am unsure about item #1 above. I consider myself a modern feminist; however I know that my husband thinks that I am critical and demanding. I am hopeful that by acting more respectful that he will in turn actively seek out my opinion so we have an equal relationship. I certainly don't have anything to lose at this point. I already thank him on a regular basis for important little things that he does to help with our child and around the house. I also tell him that I love him and always ask him about his day. (Wish he would do the same for me!) Any other tips would be appreciated!
We are definitely in a much better place in our relationship now compared to 30 days ago. I did not follow my plan exactly as I had intended, but I did make a lot of changes. I also learned a lot about how I treat my husband and how I need to continue to change.
Comments about my specific action plan steps:
1) I often forgot that my plan was to always accept his opinion. I need to work on this area. I have found that if I carefully listen to what he has to say, acknowledge what he has said, and then offer my two-cents - he is much more open to my opinion. Or if I wait awhile and then later offer my opinion, that works too. My DH just really wants to feel that he is heard and that his opinion is respected.
2) I often forgot to initiate casual physical connections until the very end of the day. I admit that it felt like a chore on my "to-do" list which is really horrible. It made me realize how much our relationship has changed from our early courtship to now being parents of a toddler. I am working on being more casually physical, and my DH seems to really appreciate it. He has been reciprocating quite a bit.
3) I only did this once the whole month. Epic fail on my part. I am committing to implementing this step during the next 30 days.
Although I was not successful at carrying out each action step - it did open my eyes in a big way. I realize that I can make a lot of positive changes in our relationship. I also realized that I critique my husband A LOT about things around the house that need to be done or should have been done differently. He NEVER critiques me. Literally, never. I would hate to be treated the way I treat him. So I am definitely working on making changes in that area too. If I continue to be aware of my actions, I am confident that things will continue to improve. I plan on talking to my DH at some point about the book, but I am waiting until we are on more solid ground.
Without having talked with my soon-to-be husband, I found the book incredibly insightful to not just my relationship with him, but also my relationship with men in general. The book is obviously geared toward married Christian women, of which I'm only half of at this time, but she writes that it could be for any woman to understand men better. Each of the chapters covers topics that men wish they could tell women, but just don't - and after reading them I understand why they don't want to bring these things up. It shows how what we do as women, how we treat our men, affects how they feel and find their value. Much of it wasn't a surprise to me, but a confirmation with practical applications. Often we hear these problems/topics but aren't given a practical way to deal with them or fix our involvement. Shaunti does that. She not only describes the topics and why men feel the way they do, but also what we can learn from it and how we should react.
My fiance and I have already started talking about our books, at a very high level, and I've already seen the positive outcomes. I've tried to incorporate bits and pieces along the way, and let me tell you: she was right! My man doesn't line up with everything she says, that's only natural given that these are somewhat generalizations, but it opens your eyes to what's going on in your relationship.
I also work with all men, and this book has allowed me to be more sensitive to their situations as leaders, with a women leading also, and my responses to build them up as my colleagues rather than tear them down in an effort to elevate myself. I have seen progress in my professional sphere as well, but more so in my romantic relationship with my fiance.