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Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change Paperback – April 8, 2008
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"An extraordinary self-help book that reads like a page-turning thriller....This beautifully written, intelligent book can help women break the pattern of foolish love." -- Los Angeles Times
"If you constantly find yourself loving men you want to change, Women Who Love Too Much is for you." -- Houston Chronicle
"A message so compelling that those readers who see themselves in the book may well be inspired to follow [Norwood's] 10-point recovery plan.... Norwood conveys the authority and sensitivity of a sister sufferer." -- Philadelphia Inquirer
"Even if you're not a woman who loves too much, the book is a reminder that we indeed make our lives and that love is supposed to be a happy event." -- Boston Herald
"How to distinguish between unwise loving and healthy loving is what Norwood sets out to do.... Every woman, no matter how healthy her relationships with men may be, may see a bit of herself in this book." -- Star Publications
About the Author
Robin Norwood is also the author of Letters from Women Who Love Too Much, Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much (illustrated by Richard Torregrossa), and Why? A Guide to Answering Life's Toughest Questions. There are more than three million copies in print worldwide of her #1 bestseller Women Who Love Too Much. A former marriage, family, and child therapist specializing in addiction, she lives in the central coast area of California.
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Finally found some time to read the book. What a Godawfull pile of steaming crap this is!
I kinda expected it to be light on IQ and heavy on BS, but I expected better from R. Norwood. Not that she is a heavy weight, but at least she has been helping others, successfully too. (which I always admire, especially her work with AA which she unfortunately disowned in her book "why me why this...").
Boy was I mistaken.
All in all, street-psychology trash at its worst.
But, if you are a misguided woman, who likes to believe that she loves "too much", it will help you miss a growing opportunity, and continue living in ignorance. Good luck.
There is an old Buddhist saying: "When presented with two choices, always choose the harder one!".
Same with therapy and getting to know yourself: if a book, therapy or someone you know, is making you feel uneasy about you, while not being abusive or negative in some other way towards you, then, follow them , no matter how hard. All others who play on your weaknesses like this trash, you should run away from.
This is only my second time to write a review about a book I never read. I can feel the fury of readers who can't wait to attack. I can only hope that reason prevails and they see why the type of manipulation that is in the title of this book needs to be analyzed carefully.
I am a male, and I am trying to imagine a book titled "Men Who Love Too Much...". Since I am not new to psychology and relationships I would feel uncomfortable with such title (this would be true even earlier in my life though):
Why is the author trying to manipulate me into thinking that LOVE is an "us against them" type of deal? (in addition to trying to make me feel like s/he is on my side? Only con artists play on our weaknesses and try to convince us that they are on our side) Love and conflict are exact opposites, and writing a book about love directed at one sex while subtly implying that the other side is wrong, is a contradiction. One cannot help while invoking such language of conflict.
Seeing problems in the title, I can only conclude that the rest of the book must suffer from even greater problems. A house cannot be built on wrong foundations. I would be truly surprised if I found careful analysis of the challenge of love, challenges of distinguishing between a co-dependent relationship and one that is not such. Even more challenging would be an analysis of when one is supposed to leave such a relationship. And above all - at what point can one be sure that the very person "who loves too much" (is it truly possible to give too much love?) has done everything she could? As the old saying goes: "Know thyself". It is work that lasts decades and even lifetimes, and we get to know ourselves through our relationships, if we keep the focus on ourselves rather than our partner.
We can only be certain that we have done our part in a relationship when WE (regardless of our own sex) have done our best and have stopped making mistakes towards our partner, EVEN when the partner is not treating us well or with love at all. We as a society are readily outraged at physical abuse or verbal hostility, but little smirks, cynical laughs, cold tone of voice, fake sincerity ("I feel that you..."), and similar but more poisonous manipulations are undetected or even encouraged. It is those hard to detect poisons that are more dangerous than the ones that is readily apparent.
Most of the time, the one who thinks that they "love too much", is the very person who needs someone to be "worse" than themselves, so that they can keep the focus on the other person rather than themselves. If the other is not "worse" she (or he) will make sure they become that - either by manipulation or by misrepresentation.
Last but not least, I seem to remember that Robin Norwood herself mentioned that she pretty much considered her older (prior to "why me...") work wrong. Unfortunately, I think that even there she is wrong: while that work may have been wrong in some aspects, as is the case with this book, she is thinking that for all the wrong reasons. Personally I think that her work with AA was a worthy endeavor and even with this book she came upon a subject worthy of discussion (Love) but wrote a book before she acquired understanding of it.
I hope whoever reads my review can see that little manipulations are more dangerous than big ones and the title of this book is one such example. If the book is about love, it cannot be about "us against them". If a book is about love, it cannot be about "my love" or "female love". Love knows no limits. Everything else is false, not love. To talk about love and imply conflict at the same time is to manipulate. A woman who thinks that women (should) love more than man, or differently than man, is setting herself for failed relationships or at best - another co-dependent relationship which may or may not last depending on roles the two players assume. Human values are universal.
Last but not least: the true secret of love is absence of fear. When men and women stop fearing of what the world, partner, parents, and so on think of them, and whether they are worthy of love (and how can they feel to be worthy of it when most had no opportunity to learn to love themselves?), then love will enter. Until then, books which promise but don't deliver will sell quite well.
I have always been extremely independent, extremely successful in business, popular, beautiful, smart and I make a lot of money. None of this had anything to do with the patterns imprinted on me from childhood that had me choose men who could not love me if they really tried. It is quite ironic. I always attracted gorgeous, successful, popular men, so you would think everything was great. But they did not love themselves and many of their own issues stemming from childhood disabled them to love someone else and treat them well. These were the only types of men I sought out and did not know it. By practicing what is taught in the book and being extremely determined (it is hard work) to take care of me first and not lose myself in a relationship, I was able to turn the whole thing around. I now have the most wonderful man on the planet. We are getting engaged and plan to be married in March of 2000. I feel as though I was blessed from the heavens. He treats me with respect, always thinks of me, does not make demands and simply is my best friend. It can actually be quite scary at times. I am so used to being the one that has to give everything.
There is another very important point I would like to make. I have a 13 year old son (I am only 32). By reading the book and applying the stories to my life and what I went through as a child and how my parents and others treated me, I was able to see how I was repeating some of those patterns with my son. At first this was beyond disturbing. I could not believe that the things that hurt me so terribly when I was young, I was now repeating. The thought that my son might grow up to be one of those men that I had dated, or worse yet, take on the same behaviors I did in an addictive relationship, was horrifying. When reading the book, I also applied the same life examination to my relationship with my son. I have altered our relationship drastically and am looking forward to raising him to be a happy, healthy man that will treat women with love, affection and support. I am giving this book to all of my friends (some men) and family for Christmas. To me, it is the greatest gift you can give someone.