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Joseph Telushkin

Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well Paperback – August 19, 1998

by Joseph Telushkin (Author)

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Joseph Telushkin is renowned for his warmth, his erudition, and his richly anecdotal insights, and in Words That Hurt, Words That Heal he focuses these gifts on the words we use in public and in private, revealing their tremendous power to shape relationships. With wit and wide-ranging intelligence, Rabbi Telushkin explains the harm in spreading gossip, rumors, or others’ secrets, and how unfair anger, excessive criticism, or lying undermines true communication. By sensitizing us to subtleties of speech we may never have considered before, he shows us how to turn every exchange into an opportunity.

Remarkable for its clarity and practicality, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal illuminates the powerful effects we create by what we say and how we say it.

Print length

240 pages
Language

English
Publisher

William Morrow Paperbacks
Publication date

August 19, 1998
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.6 x 8.25 inches
ISBN-10

9780688163501
ISBN-13

978-0688163501
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“In a time when slurs and slights are displacing civility and courtesy, this enchanting book reminds us that the words we choose have an impact on others—and send a message about us. With characteristic wisdom, Joseph Telushkin offers guidance for parents and leaders on how to communicate with consideration and compassion.” -- Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take and Originals

“This deeply wise and delightfully engaging book will change the way you think about the words that come out of your mouth—and in doing so, will change your life. At a time when our national conversation has become so painful and divisive, this book is urgent and essential reading, providing us a road map for how to repair our relationships and restore kindness to our world.” -- Sarah Hurwitz, former head speechwriter for first lady Michelle Obama

“At a time when bipartisan civility is attacked as political weakness and tolerance is ridiculed as “political correctness,” this book is more necessary than ever. As much as Joseph Telushkin is a learned rabbi, a fluent writer, and an eloquent speaker, he is most importantly a kind of public sage.” -- Prof. Samuel G. Freedman, Columbia Journalism School, author of Letters to a Young Journalist

“This wise, wonderful book not only enlightens and entertains: it can actually elevate your life by making you a better spouse, parent, business partner and neighbor. The writing is warm, elegant, sensitive and above all sensible—so much so that you’ll feel tempted to read key passages aloud in order to inspire your friends and family.” -- Michael Medved, syndicated talk radio host and author of The American Miracle

From the Back Cover

Joseph Telushkin is renowned for his warmth, his erudition, and his richly anecdotal insights, and in Words That Hurt, Words That Heal he focuses these gifts on the words we use in public and in private, revealing their tremendous power to shape relationships. With wit and wide-ranging intelligence, Rabbi Telushkin explains the harm in spreading gossip, rumors, or others' secrets, and how unfair anger, excessive criticism, or lying undermines true communication. By sensitizing us to subtleties of speech we may never have considered before, he shows us how to turn every exchange into an opportunity.

Remarkable for its clarity and practicality, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal illuminates the powerful effects we create by what we say and how we say it.

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Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0688163505
Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks (August 19, 1998)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780688163501
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0688163501
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.4 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #1,078,804 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #485 in Conversation Etiquette Guides
- #834 in Jewish Life (Books)
- #1,423 in History of Judaism

Customer Reviews:
183 ratings

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4 star		13%
3 star		3%
2 star		2%
1 star		2%

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Squidders

Words that Divide

Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2019

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Once I read to page 12, the author's "words" became overtly political and continued for the first chapter. If the author is writing a book about words that heal, why would he divide his audience in the first chapter with his political examples? I heard the author, Joseph Telushkin, interviewed by the national radio host (and an author himself) Dennis Prager. While I like the premise of the book, I do not need political examples from Joseph Telushkin, who does not hide his political leanings. When the author was being interviewed on the Dennis Prager Show, he did not come across as political, but his book says otherwise. The Prager interview with the author, Joseph Telushkin, was very misleading and I regret purchasing this book. Looking back, I am surprised Dennis Prager was so enthusiastic about this book.

9 people found this helpful

Helpful

Doris Ranke

I didn't realize what kind of words I used.

Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2017

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I really liked this book. It speaks to a problem all around each of us regardless of our faith background. The author gives such clear examples of how our words can hurt or even destroy others. I certainly saw myself in many of the negative examples but I also realized how true what Telushkin says is evident in daily life around us. I could not help recall a saying of my mother from years ago:" If you can't say something good, don't say anything at all". This is what Telushkin is saying as well. But he goes beyond not saying anything at all and suggests ways to change what and how we speak to and of others. He supports his philosophy with Jewish teachings and biblical sayings which makes the ideas more powerful.

Some stories he tells are sad while others are funny. But all spoke to me about being more careful how I use my words. This was an enjoyable read no matter what your faith. I know anyone who reads this book will think more carefully before speaking again!

6 people found this helpful

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Deliutz

I am a better human being

Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2016

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I have read this book two or three times, although I am not Jewish. Because of that, I am a better human being.

I am a mother, so I paid special attention to sections of the book describing the relationship between children and parents. I will never forget the story of the woman who, 40 years later, still remembers her mother's cruel comment with regards to her body shape. When I heard someone at work talking about how she told her overweight 6 year old to "lose the weight" because "nobody likes a fat ballerina", it hit me especially hard. That lady had no idea how much that thoughtless comment hurt her daughter.

My daughter also went through a time when she was very overweight, but I never shamed her. I told her that she was going to try better eating habits in order to be healthier. Simple things, like eat fruit before snacking on anything else. She lost the weight and avoided the danger of childhood diabetes, and also avoided psychological damage down the line because of the tactful way we handled it.

This is the example that stuck with me the most. Obviously there are many more moral lessons to be learned from this book.

Never boring or preachy

11 people found this helpful

Helpful

tmebarrett

Catch your thoughts.

Reviewed in the United States on January 27, 2020

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'Words that hurt, words that heal'
The author has very good insite and wisdom. You naturally trust and appreciation his work. His mentors, editors and colleges helped him emensly. He achieved the best for his readers.

How you treat others also impacts yourself and maybe others that you don't realize. This is especially true of the ones most closest to you. Even small words said at the wrong or right time can change someone's life forever.

There's so much to appreciate from this book. Just let it nudge you in the right direction. It did for me

2 people found this helpful

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pamela

An Excellent Book for Reference: Wise and Ethical Behavior

Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2017

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I had read this book about 10 years ago, but did not remember the author or title. I ordered it hoping it would be the same book, and to my delight, it was! The chapter on "gossiping" offers the reasons people engage in that hurtful act, and totally nails it. Everything in it seems to be written with an unusual amount of wisdom, and not only does the author explain what to say, but how and when to say it, if at all. The examples he gives make his teachings crystal clear so that you can remember many of them. Scriptural references are given when possible.

3 people found this helpful

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Florida Foodie

Why not gossip? What does it hurt?

Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2020

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This book was recommended by the leader of our Torah Study group. Am enjoying this thoughtful, in depth, detailed book. The introduction seems too simple, more “ easy reading” than study, but I was eased one page at a time into a profound understanding of the impact of words on other people. Both the power and nuance. A great Torah Study of One single concept — to not say anything that might damage another person’s name or reputation.

Helpful

Rose Keefe

Use the Gift of Speech Wisely

Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2012

Verified Purchase

Very few of us think before we speak, and Rabbi Telushkin limns the consequences in this compelling volume. The old adage about sticks and stones aside, words DO hurt. They may not make us bleed physically, but their damage is real and can be lasting.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that values winning above all else. Political candidates smear each other on the campaign trail, the rich and famous publish tell-all biographies to get back at family and ex-lovers, and when we feel like we're losing an argument, we cripple our opponents by criticizing them, not the behaviour that offended us. ("You're a liar" vs. "I don't think you're telling the truth.") The end result can be a ruptured family, traumatized child, or destroyed reputation, not to mention the erosion of one's own status as an ethical being.

Being a rabbi, Telushkin liberally underscores his points with Jewish-themed anecdotes and rabbinical commentary, but the lessons imparted are invaluable to people of all colors and creeds. I've been guilty of a lot of the behaviours that he cautions us against, and this book has inspired me to try being a better person.

Words have the power to make or break our personal and professional relationships. "Words That Hurt, Words That Heal" is a wakeup call that warns us to use the gift of speech wisely and benignly.

5 people found this helpful

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Ize

Never to late to learn

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 11, 2020

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I wish this books had been recommended to me ages ago. So many petty fights and arguments that could have been avoided or stopped from festering. It’s never to late to learn, reflect and improve. My first book by this author. Enjoyed his fluid style and I cannot wait to read his other works. Thank You Rabbi Telushkin and wishing you God’s blessings.

Angela

Excellent book. Everyone who wants to live a life ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 20, 2015

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Excellent book. Everyone who wants to live a life honouring God and the people made in His image should read this book.

Ebal

Wisdom in speech

Reviewed in Brazil on March 7, 2018

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Anything Mr. Telushkin writes is useful for learning what it really means to fear God and walk in His ways. One need not agree with everything he says to see how Christians, particularly Protestants, have substituted sheer "belief" and tradition for a Gospel of true repentance and real change. Pastors tell people even who they should vote for!

I have the utmost respect for Mr. Telushkin and strongly recommend this book if you're interested in learning how to be a blessing, not a curse, to those around you in speech.

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J. R. Mason

Expect short delay due to international purchases.

Reviewed in Canada on November 22, 2019

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Exactly what ordered. Great, reliable vendor.

João Felipe

Full of wisdom

Reviewed in Brazil on April 12, 2015

Verified Purchase

This book started to change my life. Particularly the way I speak with others. Words have power, use them for the good.

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