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Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear- Why Women Need Financial Intimacy Paperback – April 30, 2006
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This is one of the most important books any woman, married or single, should read if being financially independent is important. And how could it not be? The title says it all: Don tWorry About a Thing, Dear. How often have we heard that? According to Helga Hayse, when a woman hears that phrase, she needs to pay attention and ask for more information. In Hayse s case, after her husband died unexpectedly, she became the test case for what she teaches women in this book. In an article in the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine in 2004, it praised Hayse s seminar A Wife s Guide to Financial Intimacy, which covers topics as basic as how to tally one s net worth and as delicate as financial spousal abuse. It also described the seminar as an eye-opener for women and a jumping-off point for couples discussion and planning. I found that Chapter ten, Five Financial Mistakes Wives Make, was an encapsulation of what has occurred in most marriages or partnerships. With an appropriate opening quote from Tina Turner What s love got to do with it? Hayse explains and titles each mistake as follows: Mistake 1: Sign Here Honey. Mistake 2: Putting separate funds into joint ventures. Mistake 3: Avoiding Money Talk. Mistake 4: Letting your husband keep the records, and Mistake 5, Paying an equal share when your financial situation changes. Although the author is neither a financial planner nor a marriage counselor, her background as an award winning journalist enables her to write about her personal experience and wider research in easy to understand terms that women can relate to. Whether through her seminars or books, Hayse is worth reading and paying attention to what she recommends. Anita Finley, Editor --Boomer Times & Senior Life
About the Author
Helga Hayse founded The Institute for Vital Aging, a California non-profit organized to teach people in midlife about renewed opportunities for wellness and healthy aging. She has presented this information in seminars for New York Life, Allstate Life, Merrill Lynch, Borel Bank & Trust Company and public and private seminars and talks for corporate, professional and faith based groups.
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As a former banker, I can tell you Helga's advice is sound. On a personal note, her way of educating you is encouraging and motivating. You will not be disappointed in this book.
It's a fact that many married women allow their husbands to handle the family finances while they sit idly by and sign anything that their husband places in front of them. The consequences of this behavior is made clear by the author Helga Hayse. Hayse says in the book "Our willingness to let our husband handle the finances in the marriage impacts our own financial safety and our ability to cope in the event of widowhood or divorce." No statement has been more true.
This fascinating and immensely helpful book is a wakeup call to women everywhere. After meeting a financially strapped widow the author began to wonder how she would cope if her husband died. She interviewed hundreds of people on the topic of marital finances and each story was more heartbreaking than the last.
Hayse had her wakeup call and began the slow process of learning everything she needed to know about her marital finances. She and her husband began financial planning and shortly after all the documents were signed her husband died in freak accident at home. Hayse takes her experience from both sides of the fence to empower women to take control of their finances.
I found this book to be empowering and filled with information that most women never consider. Topics covered include premarital and postmarital agreements, death of a spouse, divorce and even remarriage. In addition to the generous advice shared there are questionnaires, checklists, worksheets, recommended reading and additional resources.
The author even includes a separate chapter for "For Husbands Only" that gently guides men to realize that they can show their love for their wife by beginning and completing the process of financial planning.
"Don't Worry About A Thing, Dear" Why Women Need Financial Intimacy should be required reading for young women in high school or college. No one wants to think about the possibility of divorce or the certainty of death but preparing women for either circumstance is critical and this book is an important tool for all women.
This book is a great segway into the wife verbalizing her respect for her husband's dedication to his job and that she wants to continue to manage the finances he worked (or works) so hard for if he should pass before her. I found myself looking at it similarly as if the husband was retiring from his position at work - he wouldn't want an untrained replacement who could discard all his hard work, resulting in the husband feeling as if the work he dedicated his life to was in vain.
This book really encouraged the wife not to question the husband's decisions regarding finances, but rather respect her spouse's life-long work to provide for his family. This would be honoring to the husband, in my opinion, if the wives opened a discussion with their husbands as an affirmation of their dedication to the family, and specifically the wife, for their loving support financially. Most husbands would crave the attention!
The surviving wife's independence is crutial to fend off the sometimes self-seeking children and "helpful" financial planners (many of whom are commission-focused salesmen/saleswomen), especially at her most vulnerable time in life. I would think that this potential alone would have husbands "jumping" to help their wives understand the family finances for themselves in order to protect their financial future.
I loved the worksheets; they truely enlighten women (single, married, or widowed) to the scope of all financial issues that are very important.
It is apparent that this book would be a really good wedding gift as well (planning before marriage chapter), especially since finances are high on the list of "issues to fight about." Starting the marriage with mutual respect for the family fiances, and continuing in the same manner, would surely strengthen all marriages.