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The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse Paperback – August 13, 2008
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From the Back Cover
Dr. Allender’s book reaches deep into the wounded heart of someone you know, exploring the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse and laying hold of the hope buried there by the One whose unstained image we all bear.
About the Author
Dan taught in the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary for seven years (1983–1989). From 1989–1997 Dan worked as professor in the Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling program at Colorado Christian University, Denver, Colorado. Currently, Dan serves as Professor of Counseling Psychology and President at Mars Hill Graduate School (MHGS.edu) in Seattle, Washington.
He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, worship, and other related topics. He is the author of The Wounded Heart (NavPress), and has coauthored four books with Dr. Tremper Longman III, Intimate Allies (Tyndale), The Cry of the Soul (NavPress), Bold Love (NavPress), and Breaking the Idols of Your Heart (IVP). Dan and his wife, Rebecca, have three children and live in Seattle, Washington.
Top Customer Reviews
I got this book because of a friend's recommendation, and I'm so glad I did. Though I was offended at first (I realized later I wasn't at a point where I wanted to hear the truth). I put down the book for a couple of years until I wanted to try processing it again.
Please understand dealing with the issues in this book is HARD WORK! So if you need a break--take it. Honestly, the difficulty is not with the book, it's with the process of facing the truth.
I'm going through this book for the 3rd time now and still gaining more healing with it. I've also bought this book for several friends because I find it to be the most helpful in dealing with the results of abuse. I've also given it to my husband and some of my close friends for them to read to understand me and what I deal with better. And now I'm working with my church to start the Wounded Heart seminar. :)
Just remember, if you do get this book (and I hope you do), take your time and don't give up. It's worth it.
Not content to simply ruminate on the past, this book deals with the current relationships in the life of the abused, most particularly, what Dr. Allender calls the "Abuser Surrogate" because the cycle so often repeats itself throughout the lives of victims because of the repercussions of abuse. He has words for the victim as well as to the "surrogate" who may be very abusive him/herself or may just need encouragement in helping the relationship recover from the effects of abuse.
Of all the "interventions" I have known and experienced, "The Wounded Heart" is the most genuinely insightful of them all. Free of pop psychology and psychobabble, it delves into the reality of the victim. This resource sheds forgiveness, hope and encouragement abroad in the heartsick soul. It encourages the heart to dare to dream of a time when life will no longer be ruled by a reactionary lifestyle. It emboldens the heart to dare to hope, to dare to trust, and to dare to leave behind contempt for itself and contempt for others.
Such aspirations are lost in an earlier lifetime for most victims of sexual abuse. They are often encouraged to think that the route to healing is as simple as "forgiving yourself" and remembering where to place the blame. However, this self-forgiveness often comes across as a blanket statement that nothing one can do after victimization is really blameworthy. At first taste, the idea is sweet in the mouth.Read more ›
Beginning with identification of present day problems and symptoms related to abuse, it continues with your past history, walking you through your responses to victimization. Denial and memory issues are dealt with as well. It is the best tool I know of to help you connect the effects of past abuse with ongoing damage to relationships in the present. It helps you learn to navigate your internal emotional realm with greater clarity, asking you to walk down paths you have previously avoided because of denial, fear, and confusion.
This book stands out because it goes beyond victimization to helping you examine how your responses to abuse have carried over into adulthood, often in sinful ways. It is unflinchingly honest and the work is difficult. If you are not prepared to examine your heart, I suggest that you put this book aside for another day. It offers no quick fix band-aids, but addresses the need for a thorough cleansing of the wound, bringing your pain to the surface where it can be dealt with. It helps you learn to deal with the damage done to your mind, heart, and emotions, and acknowledges that the difficulty of the struggle is prolonged. It doesn't let you off the hook when it comes to examining your sin, but it is written with empathy and understanding, offering a biblical path to healing and restoration. If you choose to go through this book while entrusting your heart and healing to God, you will be richly rewarded as you begin to see change in yourself and in your relationship to God and others.
Wounded Heart is the best book I have ever read on this topic and I recommend it to all my clients. Thank you Dr. Allender for your wisdom and insight.
Deedra Hunter, M.S.,LMHC
This book provides a path to healing that involves confronting the abuser in an effort to allow the abuser to take responsibility and find forgiveness and healing as well if they desire it.
I consider myself a well adjusted individual but recognize damage exists from past abuse and affects my every day relationships (personally and professionally) in subtle ways I never realized until I read this. I am working to overcome the shame involved with having been abused and my abuser is now reading this book as well as seeing a counselor to address the past.
I also recommend the dvd's.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is an amazing resource for anyone who has been abused or knows people who deal with these issues.Published 1 day ago by Cheri
Not exactly what I expected. Skimmed much of the book. Will bring it out again and try again. Was referred by another book.Published 22 days ago by Buzz
I read the previous reviews of this book, both the 5-star and the 1-star reviews. I was concerned about the 1-star reviews but as a Christian, I thought maybe I would understand... Read morePublished 27 days ago by H. Case
This book is pretty terrible. Allender repeats homophobic lies about sexual abuse making people (especially men) gay, and he's also incredibly sexist. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Observer
For those who have experienced abuse as a child or teen this is extremely wise counsel from one who is a recognized expert in how to heal and live a productive life.Published 1 month ago by Kindle Customer
My counselor recommended this book. And I trust her so much.... So, I was super excited about this book that I bought it on Audible. And the preface sounded great... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Lishensyl
Certainly not a "fun read" but such an important topic to understand. An excellent book from a Christian perspective.Published 2 months ago by Kindle Customer