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The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child Kindle Edition
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“This unique and exciting book shows us how to help children embrace life with all of its challenges and thrive in the modern world. Integrating research from social development, clinical psychology, and neuroscience, it’s a veritable treasure chest of parenting insights and techniques.”—Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., author of Mindset
“In today’s busy, competitive culture, allowing our children the space to be themselves is more important than ever. This book provides an escape hatch from the high-stakes mindset. It’s a parent’s guide to ensuring health, happiness, and genuine success—a blueprint for raising confident, creative kids in a fear-based world. It’s never too late to implement the science-based strategies that Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson share.”—Vicki Abeles, producer and co-director, The Race to Nowhere and Beyond Measure
“Bottom line: Every parent wants to raise a strong-minded, resilient, caring child. We just don’t know exactly how; we open our mouths and we sing our parents’ tired refrain, ‘No . . . no . . . no.’ In The Yes Brain, Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson teach us how to cultivate a receptive, curious brain in our children. I have never read a better, clearer explanation of the impact parenting can have on a child’s brain and personality.”—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Raising Cain
“Today’s parents find their children’s behavior mystifying. ‘I never would have spoken that way to—or refused to cooperate with—my parents!’ Using refreshingly clear explanations of neuroscience and child development, coupled with practical, straightforward guidance, The Yes Brain arrives just in time! Siegel and Bryson lead parents and children out of puzzling impasses and into mutual understanding and appreciation. The book gives them the tools and courage needed to face the challenges of our rapidly changing world.”—Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B-
“In the flurry of activity that makes up our day-to-day parenting lives, it is easy to lose sight of the big picture: we aren’t just raising children; we’re raising adults. The Yes Brain offers clear strategies for fostering balance, empathy, and self-regulation in our children to not only help them manage today’s bumps and tumbles, but to nurture in them the resources that will allow them to enjoy happy, healthy grown-up lives. An invaluable resource that I’ll be recommending to parents for years to come!”—Susan Stiffelman, MFT, author of Parenting Without Power Struggles
About the Author
Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the co-author, with Daniel J. Siegel, of two New York Times bestsellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. She is the founder and executive director of the Center for Connection, an interdisciplinary clinical team in Pasadena, California. She is a licensed clinical social worker, providing pediatric and adolescent psychotherapy and parenting consultations. As well, she keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. Dr. Bryson earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
- ASIN : B071Y2BTT4
- Publisher : Bantam (January 9, 2018)
- Publication date : January 9, 2018
- Language : English
- File size : 23775 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 189 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #46,986 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
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TEACH/REDIRECT = (The child MUST be calm before starting this.) Explain what happened, or let the kid do so, discover together. Redirect toward better behavior and decision-making, and talk about other strategies to try next time a similar situation comes up. Hold them accountable for their behavior, including making things right and engaging in appropriate behavior/repairs. Have a “Re-Do”. Success relies heavily on our being calm and attuned to his feelings. Teach them that they can tolerate discomfort. Show them and tell them you have complete faith in their ability. Children must always be held accountable and respectful even if the kid is stuck in bad feelings. You can stop destructive behavior and remove the child before you teach/redirect. Do not focus on punishment but on teaching. Teach kids to repair after conflict-teach them to be responsible.
LEARN to CONTROL ANGER = What are other BETTER ways they can express that anger. Teach them to become aware the moment when they get upset, pause and then use calming techniques. There is nothing wrong with getting upset, it is normal. How we express that anger is important. And how quickly we calm ourselves down is important. Teach them to use calming techniques: put hand on stomach and heart and listen to it and calm both down. Slow breathing. Count to ten. Have a cigarette. Body awareness.
Roll play trigger situations with your child can develop skills. Teach them resilience: the ability to bounce back when life’s inevitable problems and struggles arise Roll play or play games so the child loses, and get the kids to use these skills then. Practice small frustrations and move to more difficult situations. Know the triggers that cause your child to imbalance. Notice how long it takes for the child to calm down. Recognize and congratulate small accomplishments. Let them wrestle with indecision, discomfort, discouragement and disappointment. Do not rescue them from these, our job is to walk them through their difficult moments with connection and empathy, to be active participants in the problem-solving. If we push them too hard before they are ready it can backfire, making them more fearful.
Kids need play time. Avoid excessive electronics! Kids need connection/game time with family/friends-critical for their emotional and neurological success. Kids need physical time-aerobically. Get your children into many social interactions, very important for human brain development and health-for the rest of their life-even as an adult. Long term isolation is very unhealthy. Constant hours of TV or internet watching or reading books for hours on end is unhealthy. Stay connected socially.
Withdrawal – Stress behavior. Due to social contact, new situations, feeling uneasy, lack of self-confidence. Calm, reassure and redirect. Roll play for practice. Listen to what is NOT said. Body language.
Empathy: Understand the perspective of another, help or take action to make things better. Ask questions like “Why do you think that baby is crying?” or “That woman wasn’t very nice to us, was she? Do you think something happened that made her feel mad today?” Teach kids to recognize other people’s point of view. Roll play. Avoid, “You should care more about…” Bring attention to victims with your children, discuss the event or situation. Teach the child to apologize empathically, not just “I’m sorry.” But “I can see how you must feel sad that I pushed you down the stairs and that was very scary for your, I am sorry and won’t do that again.” Children are selfish, self-centered and can be taught to be caring and compassionate for others, it takes time and practice. Do not overact to a selfish child. Live in the now, correct in the now, not something that happened hours, days, weeks ago. Let that go and only “live in the now”. Children will relapse into being selfish. Never tell a child, “You will never learn to…”
Parents who come from bad relationships/families can learn and use these techniques on their children and on themselves. Parents can and should learn to use empathy toward everyone including themselves. Modeling the empathy to the child is very important. The brain changes through repeat.
Sound decision making – get your kids to do this on their own as much as possible by enabling choice. Young children get choice between two good decisions, but keep pushing dilemmas to challenge them. Why did you make that choice? Why did you feel that way? Why don’t you think you’ll do well?
Recognize and celebrate all the small successes in life everyday!!!!
Much of the advice seems to be tailored at dealing with younger children (elementary school age), but the guidance applies to older children as well. The authors remind us that a child's brain is not yet fully formed, so he is, at times, incapable of controlling his emotions or responses to situations. When a child acts or responds in a certain way, rather than criticizing and condemning the behavior, we should seek to understand it, and help the child learn how to cope better to perhaps respond differently in the future. The focus is on empathetic parenting and is a reminder for the need to be patient when parenting.
The authors discuss three "zones" -- a red zone, full of rage and anger and frustration; a blue zone, which is detached and checked out; and a green zone -- the good place to be. They talk about figuring out your child's tolerance for conflict and steps you can take to broaden the green zone, or help your child move back into the green zone when they are angry or scared.
To promote resilience, the authors recommend that you shower your children with the four S's -- make them feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. You want to create a safe environment where they can try new things, express concerns without negative repercussions, responding to their anger with calmness and understanding rather than being angry because they are angry. It's hard. It's really hard. Young teenagers especially can say some pretty mean things toward their parents -- but I'll just keep reminding myself that the teenaged brain is not yet fully developed.
As the authors point out, people who are caring and empathetic are generally less frustrated, less angry, less judgmental --- and no doubt happier in life. The book gives guidance on how to help nurture your child's ability to react with empathy to others. By encouraging and children to be empathetic using the language and guidance provide, we can actually help rewire our children's brains. There's a lot here about neuroplasticity and the ability to change how we're wired. It sounds promising --
All of this is easier said than done. I was pumped up with all sorts of ideas on how to promote positivity after reading this delightful book. But reading a book is no guarantee of successful implementation of the techniques therein -- and that is easier said than done. I'm working on it.