"You Can Be Happy No Matter What" is a distillation of wise and liberating advice. It is exactly the book you're looking for if you are distressed or confused. This is the book for you if you're thinking, "I don't need a pep talk or a complicated theory -- just some simple, reliable advice!"
I am amazed and grateful that the late Richard Carlson -- mere slip of a young man that he was -- understood human happiness so well. In this book, Carlson synthesizes so many powerful truths of the world's wisdom traditions. Sorry, I'm getting carried away. Let me get to the point:
According to Carlson, happiness is our natural state. Painful emotions are not natural and inevitable reactions to inherently painful circumstances. Painful emotions are actually reactions to painful and distressing thoughts. They form a pattern of emotional reactivity: they feed on their own fire. And if we "follow" these reactions -- if we try to solve the problems that seem so urgent in their light -- we will not find happiness. We will simply dig ourselves into a pattern of emotional reactivity, convincing ourselves all the while that our occasional glimpses of relief are the result of our frantic problem-solving.
As radical as Carlson's view may sound, there is much scientific evidence to support it. Recent brain research verifies that people who regularly produce and rely on feelings of love and well-being are indeed very happy, and suffer from no reduction in their ability to think or solve problems. Long-term, happy meditators, (such as the Buddhist teacher Mingyur Rinpoche), were exposed to loud noises and cries of distress in the lab. Their heart-rates immediately increased to facilitate rigorous physical activity. However, they did not experience psychological distress. The startle-response was notably absent in these monks, and the sound of women screaming and children crying triggered a feeling of compassion, rather than feelings of distress or fear.
Dr. Martin Seligman frequently refers to studies which show that happy people act in more compassionate ways than sad people, and happy doctors make more accurate diagnoses. This research suggests we do not need to rely on fear and distress to recognize danger and help other people. In fact we do a better job of helping others and dealing with complicated situations when we are feeling peaceful.
One amazon reviewer brought up an interesting concern: if we follow Richard Carlson's advice and avoid solving problems while in a bad mood, will this stunt our psychological growth? Don't we need to develop tolerance to emotional distress?
Richard Carlson does indeed advise us to have less tolerance to emotional distress. His advice is to acknowledge we are feeling bad, and try not to analyze our feelings or take them too seriously. Although I appreciate this reader's point, I believe Carlson's approach is consistent with classical definitions of emotional tolerance. When we tolerate strong emotion, we allow for its presence in our body and mind without feeling compelled to believe there is a terribly urgent problem in our lives which we must immediately solve. I also believe there is a slightly different model of growth here: in Carlson's approach, growth is not accomplished by analyzing our habits or psychological problems. It is accomplished by having a more peaceful attitude, characterized by a calm demeanor and loving interactions. Loving and peaceful adults tend to form deep emotional bonds with others and become deeply invested in their communities. By contrast, adults who have spent years in introspective self-analysis may be highly skilled at articulating their emotional patterns, but they may still be depressed, isolated, and cut-off from their communities.
In summary, "You Can Be Happy No Matter What" is an excellent book of time-tested wisdom, whose conclusions, I believe, are supported by recent scientific research. This book changed my life for the better. I hope it will do the same for you!
J Jennifer Matthews, author of "Radically Condensed Instructions for Being Just as You Are"
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