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You Might Be a Narcissist If. - How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and What We Can Do About It Paperback – January 1, 2010
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About the Author
Paul Meier, M.D. is a psychiatrist at the Meier Clinics in Richardson, Texas and is the author of more than eighty books, including Love Is a Choice, Happiness Is a Choice, Blue Genes, and Everything I Learned Since I Knew It All. He has appeared on hundreds of radio and television programs over the past thirty years, including shows with Oprah, Tom Snyder, Norman Vincent Peale, Joyce Meyer, Sheila Walsh, Paula White, and many others. He is also the founder of the national chain of counseling clinics called the Meier Clinics, a non-profit corporation.
Cynthia Munz, M.S., L.M.F.T. became a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist after completing her first career as a mom and homemaker. She was a staff therapist at the Meier Clinics for twelve years and is now in private practice in Placerville, California, where she lives with her husband, Eric.
Lisa Charlebois, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. was the director and a staff therapist at the Meier Clinics for fourteen years and is now in private practice in Gold River, California. She and her husband, Danny, have three teens and live in Orangevale, California.
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What is that? I now know that my first husband is a raving narcissist. And, no matter how I tried to guard our son from his father's narcissistic influence, even long after I separated from my son's father; putting 1200 miles of distance between us, my son STILL seemed to pick up some of his father's narcissistic traits.
How this happened anyway, I am not sure. Was it the 6 weeks of summer visitation every year, plus the two weeks of Christmas visitation every other year my son had with his father that contributed to my son exhibiting the same callous narcissistic traits as the years went by?
What might my former husband be telling our son about me during those extended visits? I refused, during my son's growing years to say anything negative to my son about his father.
I can't say for sure whether my former husband adhered to the same rules. In fact, I doubt he could do so and still hang onto his own sense of self. Therefore, I believe my son, in hearing his father say negative things about me, but never hearing me say negative things about his father artificially tipped the scales to cause my son to side with his father.
What one does about this I cannot say. All my son would ever tell me was how his father would tell our son that the city he lived in had streets paved with gold.
How was I to compete without stooping to similar dirty tricks issued to a child with a child's sense of innocence?
Even now, my 42 year old "child" will speak to me in condescending and haughty terms he does not even realize he is doing. I have to ask him if he would word things the same way we're he speaking to his father or my second husband and only then does it occur to him what negative tones he is using when engaging with me.
It is heart breaking to know others in his life were so successful in making him act towards me, even if unconsciously, in the way he does, because that only tells me how deeply ingrained his opinions of me are.
Especially no matter the amount of emotional AND physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his father during his times of visitation with his father.
No matter what, he unconsciously continues to talk down to me even though it was me he would run to after suffering abuse at the hands of his father.
It is a life long sentence I live, and when I suggest therapy, my son will tell me he is happy with who he is, even if I am not. After all, I guess I am just "that mother of his" you know.
Having strong narcissistic tendencies myself, this book opened my eyes to the damage I've done to myself and loved ones. I'm now in therapy to help me deal with these tendencies and stop my damaging actions.
A life changer!
FYI: By far THE best book (not even one of...) I have read is: "Why Does He Do That...", by Lundy Bancroft (don't base it on the guys name - he's spot on)!