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You Who: Why You Matter and How to Deal With It Paperback – January 15, 2019
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If "Who am I?" is the question you're asking, Rachel Jankovic doesn't want you to "find yourself" or "follow your heart."
Those lies are nothing to the confidence, freedom, and clarity of purpose that come with knowing what is actually essential about you. And the answer to that question is at once less and more than what you are hoping for.
Christians love the idea that self-expression is the essence of a beautiful person, but that's a lie, too. With trademark humor and no nonsense practicality, Rachel Jankovic explains the fake story of the Self, starting with the inventions of a supremely ugly man named Sartre (rhymes with "blart"). And we--men and women, young and old--have bought his lie of the Best Self, with terrible results.
Thankfully, that's not the end of our story, You Who: Why You Matter and How to Deal with It takes the identity question into the nitty gritty details of everyday life. Here's the first clue: Stop looking inside, and start planting flags of everyday faithfulness. In Christianity, the self is always a tool and never a destination.
- Print length246 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCanon Press
- Publication dateJanuary 15, 2019
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.62 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-101947644882
- ISBN-13978-1947644885
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"Rachel Jankovic says most Christian women are influenced more than they realize by prevailing existential self-love messages. In You Who? Why You Matter and How to Deal With It ... she identifies the un-Biblical philosophies of personhood and selfactualization that have seeped into the culture and church, fueling the widespread believe-in-yourself mantra, along with deceptions about abortion, feminism, and gender identity. Jankovic aims to define a Christian view of identity, one that puts to death the sinful self and receives new life in Christ.... I found grace spelled out in the pages, and a timely message for women and teenage girls" --Mary Jackson, World Magazine
"Rachel's contention is that we have no practical idea of what makes us who we are, because we have absorbed too much of the world and its philosophies. As we grow up we adopt titles of identities that have either been thrust on us or that we take on ourselves. "Carefree grrrrl," or "The Fashionista" or "The Nerd" might satisfy for the moment, but they are a lie." --Elizabeth Prata, The End Time blog
From the Back Cover
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Canon Press (January 15, 2019)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 246 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1947644882
- ISBN-13 : 978-1947644885
- Item Weight : 10.4 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.62 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #135,819 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #468 in Motherhood (Books)
- #1,208 in Christian Women's Issues
- #1,464 in Christian Self Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She received her Bachelor's Degree in Liberal Arts & Culture from New Saint Andrews College, but mostly reads cookbooks now to avoid story grip (being highly susceptible). In 2003, she married her husband Luke, and they have seven children who know how to party. Rachel loves color, fabric, yarn to knit with, kids to laugh with, and laundry (not so much).
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book truthful, refreshing, and encouraging. They also describe it as well-written, clear, and direct. Readers say it packs a powerful punch. Opinions are mixed on the sound quality, with some finding it easy to listen to and sound, while others say it's hard to hear.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book refreshing, convicting, and encouraging. They say the author does a beautiful job of sharing the truth of who God is and who we are as his children. Readers also appreciate the great teaching from God's word. In addition, they say the book delved surprisingly deeply into philosophy and theology in a down-to-earth way.
"...out in their lives, manifesting itself as strength, dignity, and clarity of purpose.""..." Read more
"...to the choir with most of her points, I still found the whole book really convicting. Rachel is direct and hard-hitting and I just loved it...." Read more
"...I greatly appreciate how Rachel is honest about her convictions and is courageous in her faith." Read more
"...But moreso than her books on mothering, this book delves surprisingly deeply into philosophy and theology in a down-to-earth, practical way...." Read more
Customers find the book well-written, accessible, and readable. They appreciate the author's clarity and directness. Readers also mention the book is a blessing and helpful to their moms. They say the modern American mindset is made amazingly clear.
"...Rachel's use of plain language and reasoning makes it not only a clear and concise read but very approachable for even men...." Read more
"...and that part may lose some readers, even though I thought it was readable and accessible...." Read more
"...is engaging, often funny, and written in very short, readable chapters that pack a lot of punch and give you a lot to think over, reminiscent of the..." Read more
"...The author so clearly and beautifully spells out what God says our true purpose is, and how it is MORE than enough!..." Read more
Customers find the book solid, powerful, and biblically sound. They also say the author is passionate and doesn't pull punches. Readers also mention the book is a quality piece of work written in Christian love.
"...Rachel is direct and hard-hitting and I just loved it. That directness works with me, probably because I am pretty direct...." Read more
"...often funny, and written in very short, readable chapters that pack a lot of punch and give you a lot to think over, reminiscent of the writing of..." Read more
"...She is passionate and doesn’t pull punches, but is just as quick to point to Christ...." Read more
"...Solid punch to the gut that leaves one gasping for the fresh breath of air that only Christ can bring...." Read more
Customers find the book humorous, easy to read, and engaging.
"...Like Rachel Jankovic's other books, You Who? is engaging, often funny, and written in very short, readable chapters that pack a lot of punch and..." Read more
"...Her short pithy chapters pack a punch of truth cloaked in warmth, hilarity, and sisterly love! I felt like my older sister (and she is in Christ!)..." Read more
"...Practical, humorous, easy to read, engaging and captivating! I couldn’t recommend more that all Christian women should read this...." Read more
"...She's kind, funny, smart, and blunt. I don't feel beat up by her writing, nor I don't feel talked down to...." Read more
Customers find the book engaging and captivating. They say it creates a vivid picture and helps them feel the intensity of the depth of deception. Readers also say the book is good for the heart, soul, and culture.
"...Like Rachel Jankovic's other books, You Who? is engaging, often funny, and written in very short, readable chapters that pack a lot of punch and..." Read more
"...Practical, humorous, easy to read, engaging and captivating! I couldn’t recommend more that all Christian women should read this...." Read more
"...Her analogies and metaphors create a vivid picture and help the reader feel the intensity of the depth of our deception about self and culture...." Read more
"...It's good for the heart, soul, culture, world!" Read more
Customers have mixed opinions about the sound quality of the book. Some mention it's very easy to listen to and straight-forward, while others say it'd be hard to hear.
"...I listened to the audio version and it was very easy to listen to...." Read more
"I LOVED this book. Don't get me wrong, it is convicting and hard to hear stuff, but it is also so UPLIFTING. Highly recommend...." Read more
"...Practical, humorous, easy to read, engaging and captivating! I couldn’t recommend more that all Christian women should read this...." Read more
"...However, this author's tone was consistently negative, condescending and opinionated. I left feeling discouraged overall." Read more
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Top reviews
Top reviews from the United States
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This book exposed a huge problem that has crept into churches, the glorification of the self over the true worship of God. We really have no idea how godless the philosophy of self of love and self care is, because it is us once again falling for the, "You could be like God, knowing good and evil." That is what we are doing when we try to define ourselves apart from the obedience to God.
She goes through and explains the philosophy that has driven this sort of thinking, that philosophy being, "Existentialism", she explains the different steps towards our current view of Existentialism derived and the character of the men who promoted them.
For instance, Jean-Paul Sartre's, "Do whatever you want" to Abraham Maslow's drive to get people to use psychology to get a person to be, "self-actualizing" Both of which are an attempt to define yourself apart from God, and in so doing, trying to make yourself into god, which is in actuality, making yourself an idol.
I honestly thought at first that this was a book by a woman for women, but after reading it, I honestly think that it would be a good book for everyone, especially in the body of Christ to read. Rachel's use of plain language and reasoning makes it not only a clear and concise read but very approachable for even men. Especially men who want to encourage their wives to glory in their God by being obedient to Him.
Quotes:
"The goal of this book is to encourage and equip believing women to see their identity in Christ as the most essential part of them, and to see all the ways that will work its way out in their lives, manifesting itself as strength, dignity, and clarity of purpose."
"My grandpa has always said that soft teaching makes hard hearts and that hard teaching makes soft hearts. When we encourage each other with platitudes about our self-worth and our beauty, we are simply lying for the sake of feelings. When we accustom ourselves to soft lies so we won't feel affronted, we become a hard-hearted people."
"Unbelieving philosophies of self begin with the assumption that there is no Father God. Then they try to make sense out of the undeniable complexity of mankind and human value. You can see right off the bat [assuming that you are a Christian]that in this way the philosophical world had nothing to offer you and much to take from you. They want to take away all meaning that you derive from God and give you new meaning without Him."
"This is why I say that many Christians struggle today do not realize that what they y struggling with on a day-to-day basis is actually at its core, a philosophy problem. The world often uses philosophy as substitute for religion."
"Many Christian woman have wondered why their choices to be married and to nurture children are seen by Feminist as anti-woman. If Feminist are so big on women making choices for themselves, then it seems like they ought to support women who make a choice to nurture children.
However, the more these people believe that the only true living is do in defiance of God and tradition, the more natural it seems to them to despise people who are living in clear accordance with their created purpose."
"We are accustomed in our times to think of our feelings as information. We believe that when we feel something, it is not only revealing an actual thing that is going on, but probably insightful about what ought to go on.
A woman, 'feels' unwanted and unloved, so she accuses all those who want and love her of creating her feelings. A Christian may 'feel' like God isn't close, and so he continues to disobey Him or avoid praying. We 'feel' like we really need a break right now, and so we take one, whether or not our duties and responsibilities allow for it.
We Christians need to stop thinking of our feelings as insights. Our feelings are instead something that we need to manage. When our feelings are acting up, who is it to discipline them? We are. Who is to treat them with reverence? No one."
I mean the whole book is one giant quotable book of a Godly woman exhorting us to be godly and that truly the only way for a Christian to bring glory to God is through obedience to His word and doing your duty.
If you don't get and read this book, I am going to question whether or not you are truly justified to God... just kidding, but seriously...#BUYTHISBOOK #AMUSTREAD
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2019
This book exposed a huge problem that has crept into churches, the glorification of the self over the true worship of God. We really have no idea how godless the philosophy of self of love and self care is, because it is us once again falling for the, "You could be like God, knowing good and evil." That is what we are doing when we try to define ourselves apart from the obedience to God.
She goes through and explains the philosophy that has driven this sort of thinking, that philosophy being, "Existentialism", she explains the different steps towards our current view of Existentialism derived and the character of the men who promoted them.
For instance, Jean-Paul Sartre's, "Do whatever you want" to Abraham Maslow's drive to get people to use psychology to get a person to be, "self-actualizing" Both of which are an attempt to define yourself apart from God, and in so doing, trying to make yourself into god, which is in actuality, making yourself an idol.
I honestly thought at first that this was a book by a woman for women, but after reading it, I honestly think that it would be a good book for everyone, especially in the body of Christ to read. Rachel's use of plain language and reasoning makes it not only a clear and concise read but very approachable for even men. Especially men who want to encourage their wives to glory in their God by being obedient to Him.
Quotes:
"The goal of this book is to encourage and equip believing women to see their identity in Christ as the most essential part of them, and to see all the ways that will work its way out in their lives, manifesting itself as strength, dignity, and clarity of purpose."
"My grandpa has always said that soft teaching makes hard hearts and that hard teaching makes soft hearts. When we encourage each other with platitudes about our self-worth and our beauty, we are simply lying for the sake of feelings. When we accustom ourselves to soft lies so we won't feel affronted, we become a hard-hearted people."
"Unbelieving philosophies of self begin with the assumption that there is no Father God. Then they try to make sense out of the undeniable complexity of mankind and human value. You can see right off the bat [assuming that you are a Christian]that in this way the philosophical world had nothing to offer you and much to take from you. They want to take away all meaning that you derive from God and give you new meaning without Him."
"This is why I say that many Christians struggle today do not realize that what they y struggling with on a day-to-day basis is actually at its core, a philosophy problem. The world often uses philosophy as substitute for religion."
"Many Christian woman have wondered why their choices to be married and to nurture children are seen by Feminist as anti-woman. If Feminist are so big on women making choices for themselves, then it seems like they ought to support women who make a choice to nurture children.
However, the more these people believe that the only true living is do in defiance of God and tradition, the more natural it seems to them to despise people who are living in clear accordance with their created purpose."
"We are accustomed in our times to think of our feelings as information. We believe that when we feel something, it is not only revealing an actual thing that is going on, but probably insightful about what ought to go on.
A woman, 'feels' unwanted and unloved, so she accuses all those who want and love her of creating her feelings. A Christian may 'feel' like God isn't close, and so he continues to disobey Him or avoid praying. We 'feel' like we really need a break right now, and so we take one, whether or not our duties and responsibilities allow for it.
We Christians need to stop thinking of our feelings as insights. Our feelings are instead something that we need to manage. When our feelings are acting up, who is it to discipline them? We are. Who is to treat them with reverence? No one."
I mean the whole book is one giant quotable book of a Godly woman exhorting us to be godly and that truly the only way for a Christian to bring glory to God is through obedience to His word and doing your duty.
If you don't get and read this book, I am going to question whether or not you are truly justified to God... just kidding, but seriously...#BUYTHISBOOK #AMUSTREAD
This book is the antidote.
If you want someone to tell you that you are awesome, offer you sweet comfort, encourage you to ignore everything else in your life except your own dreams, do not read this book. Rachel's basic message is that your best life and your best self will come from two simple actions: Obey God and glorify him in every aspect of your life, end of story. She first lays out a basic foundation of philosophical ideas that have creeped into popular thinking (including Christian thinking), and that part may lose some readers, even though I thought it was readable and accessible. The rest of the book tackles areas in which women (really, all of us) are tempted to not obey God fully and instead, turn towards ourselves and worldly thinking. Why are we so discontent with our lives and longing for more? Are we all looking for identity in what we do or in who we belong to? Why do we want more than Jesus? Is "self-care" (as opposed to rest and enjoying God's good gifts) a biblical idea? In all our fascination with personality tests, have we come to believe the lie that our characters, flaws and all, are fixed and unchangeable? Are we glorifying our feelings and trusting our emotions too much? Where should a positive and God-glorifying body image be found?
Although she was preaching to the choir with most of her points, I still found the whole book really convicting. Rachel is direct and hard-hitting and I just loved it. That directness works with me, probably because I am pretty direct. Because she is direct and hard-hitting (although not rude or offensive, in my opinion), some people will inevitably be turned off. (And that, frankly, is another of her challenges - why are we so afraid to hear hard words? Why do we feel like our feelings should be coddled? Why do we believe life should always be pleasant and happy?) But it really made me consider whether my focus is really on full obedience to Christ and a desire to glorify God in every aspect of my life. It showed me some ways I had subconsciously absorbed some lies in my own thinking.
Unfortunately, I think most people who read this will already agree with her. I don't think many of the Girl, Wash Your Face or Love Warrior superfans will actually crack this open. This is incredibly unfortunate. I wish we Christian women would STOP READING self-help books that contain more lies than truth with the caveat that "well, there's some good stuff in there"and "I can just ignore the stuff I don't agree with". WHY read nonsense and glean a few tidbits of helpful advice when you can start right with God and Scripture and the myriad of books that do start from that foundation? Christian women - we can do better with our minds! Start with this book.
P.S. I highly recommend following Rachel on Facebook and Instagram for her #departmentofhellno posts.
Perhaps the most notable thing about this book, and the thing that most commends it, is how thorough Christian it is. Unlike a lot of books put out by Christian publishers or Christian authors right now, that have a lot of the world's advice about living your best life (believe in yourself! make time for yourself! prioritize yourself! you go, girl!) with just enough references to Jesus thrown in to make Christian readers feel good about reading the book but not so many that a non-Christian reader couldn't just skip them or shrug them off, You Who? is a book that is rooted entirely in the story of God's redemptive work in the world and in our lives. It is realistic but hopeful and joyful. And while Rachel may not think she is writing encouragement for women, you will walk away from the book encouraged and inspired to obey your God and through that be the best and truest version of yourself.
Top reviews from other countries
These truths are priceless and helpful in a world of many spoken lies!
If you want cultural commentary, Christian philosophy, and practical Christian living rolled into one conversationally toned, edifying, punchy book, and you don’t have a lot of time, pick up a copy! You’ll feel built up in Christ.













