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Your Defiant Teen, First Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship Paperback – February 2, 2008
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From Publishers Weekly
Barkley, research professor of psychiatry at SUNY–Syracuse Medical University and author (with Benton) of Your Defiant Child, and Robin (director of psychology training at Children's Hospital of Michigan) share between them 60 years of clinical and research experience studying the defiant behavior of children and adolescents. The first part of their comprehensive defiance-busting system helps parents define and assess the problem. The authors provide a chart to help readers gauge their child's behavior, then outline four factors that contribute to defiance: the teen's and parents' characteristics (which are unchanging), stress (which can be alleviated somewhat) and parenting style (which can be substantially modified). Part Two delves into the principles for reversing or preventing defiance, with sections on one-on-one time (including how to accomplish this with an uninterested teen), managing behavior and choosing appropriate punishments and rewards, to name a few. Without placing blame, the authors reveal that parents often unwittingly make a bad situation worse; the text gives solid tips on how to work toward a positive outcome and offers a variety of scenarios, demonstrating precisely how a parent's words and actions can be the source of a teen's compliant or defiant response. In the end, the authors offer a useful and detailed approach that respects the rights and expectations of parents and teens. (Feb.)
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"The very best book of its kind for parents dealing with behaviorally difficult teens. Valuable real-life examples illuminate not just what defiance looks like, but why it happens, and how to bring about change while strengthening family relationships. This will be the first book I recommend to the families I work with."--Sam Goldstein, PhD, Department of Psychology, George Mason University
"As my son enters his adolescent years, I am thrilled to have this book! It is an easy read with many practical, commonsense ideas to try. The checklists and step-by-step approaches are very inviting. With all the pages to personalize our specific problem areas, it felt as though this book were truly written for my family. I am thrilled to be able to implement positive practices instead of always dwelling on the negative. I have already told many fellow parents and teachers about this book."--Lisa Boyadjian, elementary school teacher and parent of a 12-year-old
"Another essential work from Drs. Barkley and Robin. With most books in this area focused on children, there is a great need for practical, evidence-based information related to adolescents and their conflicts with family members. A 'must read' for parents, clinicians, and all those interested in the often-trying area of teen/n-/family interactions."--Stephen P. Hinshaw, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley
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Based on our own personal experience, I would also encourage any parent who is having sudden relationship issues with their teen to also look for the warning signs of drug use (i.e. marijuana, etc.). I was in denial about this, but now (in hindsight) can say this had contributed heavily to my teen's defiant behavior for over a year. He had been an outgoing, highly academic, geeky middle schooler and turned into a freshman nightmare after starting to mix with the wrong crowd in a well regarded, high-achieving high school. Thankfully we are now on the road to a better and honest relationship. He had admitted to making some wrong choices but now is making genuine effort to make better decisions including choosing good friends-people who lift you up and make you a better person. Suffering some natural consequences was hard to watch, but necessary.
In some cases, counseling and outside help is needed. I would recommend asking your pediatrician, counselor, pastor or trusted friend for a referral.
RECOMMENDATION: I would recommend this book along with another by a different author, SEAN COVEY, "The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make"
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I rated that a 5 star.