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Your Divorce Advisor : A Lawyer and a Psychologist GuideYou Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce Paperback – February 1, 2001
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Frequently bought together
Nancy Dunnan author of Dunnan's Guide to Your Investments, 2001 We know that divorce creates problems -- for the couple, their children, their family, their friends....Mercer and Pruett have done something other experts have failed to do: They have created rock-solid solutions based on their recognition that financial and legal decisions are inextricably influenced, even governed, by emotional feelings. The result: They offer a rare combination of legal, emotional, personal, and financial advice that makes this guidebook must reading, not only for anyone going through divorce but also for anyone knowing someone who is.
Forrest S. Mosten President, Mosten Mediation Centers Your Divorce Advisor brilliantly and compassionately deals with the common challenges facing anyone going through a divorce. If your marriage is in trouble, you should buy Your Divorce Advisor before you hire a lawyer. Lawyers and therapists should recommend Your Divorce Advisor before the very first client meeting.
Louis Parley author of The Ethical Family Lawyer Your Divorce Advisor is the most comprehensive divorce book on the market. It covers the legal issues extensively and is the only book to also tell you what you can expect to feel along the way. It offers an invaluable strategy for coping with the emotional demands of divorce, and has the best advice on talking with your kids about the divorce that I've read anywhere. It is the one book I will recommend to my divorcing clients.
From the Author
- Item Weight : 12.3 ounces
- Paperback : 368 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0684870681
- ISBN-13 : 978-0684870687
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 1 x 8.44 inches
- Publisher : Touchstone; Original ed. edition (February 1, 2001)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,260,537 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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It hardly needs be said that as far as life altering events go, both marriage and divorce present potential short/long term repercussions. To move into either of these arenas without having first educated yourself to the negative implications is probably the most common mistake made in our society today.
Still, while the typical no-fault divorce in a joint property jurisdiction is a cut and dry event, there are areas - emotional, intellectual, and financial, that you need to explore in advance and this book can help you to accomplish that. Even if there are painful or unresolved issues that linger after the decree is final, you can gain insights here as to legal strategies that may help, or other practical guidance if acceptance is the only option.
Unlike some of the other books I've read on this subject, "Your Divorce Advisor" does not appear to have a gender bias or other transparent agendas. Working together, Mercer and Pruett help you to gain a bit of distance from your own situation, while offering objective advice toward gaining fair and effective closure.
This book does a fine job of capturing the circumstances that I imagine might be faced by 90% of all respondents. Even if you have a very unusual situation, the general advice available here is valuable. I had particular concerns when I bought the book, and I found viable answers and explanations contained therein. They may not have been what I was hoping for, but as the basic theme of this book expounds, getting realistic about divorce and its aftermath is step one in the mutli-part process of a successful separation.
Personally, I found phone interviews with divorce attorneys to be the most helpful source of information. Good luck!
First off, it is clearly very well written, covers almost all aspects of its subject and uniquely combines views from an emotional point of view as well as legal point of view. It also strives to be unbiased and provide clear representation of both parents. I do recommend this book but do so with one caveat (hence my rating of 3 stars rather than 5).
The book is riddled with hidden biases in favor of Mom rather than Dad and the reader should be cognizant of that. Also, it is not clear that all aspects of studies are clearly represented. i.e., both sides. The tricky thing is that both sides are mentioned but even when there is a preponderance of studies favoring one side, it seems the authors may lean towards the other side. A fairer presentation of studies supporting both sides would be really beneficial (particularly on child custody, visitation, overnights, bonding, etc.). Many of the studies are represented in summary form and as such remove a lot of important context.
A good example of a hidden bias:
"The Paradox requires that parents take into careful consideration how well their children are able to tolerate separation from their mother, the child's temperament, and the strength of the father-child bond prior to divorce, and weigh all this against the likelihood of the father staying in the child's life...." Page 203 - determining custody arrangements.
This seems like a very objective statement but upon closer examination it is clear that the authors are concerned with whether the child(ren) can tolerate separation from mom but never question whether or not the child(ren) can handle the separation from dad or what that impact might be. In addition, it questions the father-child bond but never suggestions that the mother-child bond should be evaluated as well in such a determination. The phrase ends with us weighing all of this against whether or not it is likely that dad will stay in the picture - again, what about mom. Studies are increasingly showing that even when mom has full custody of her children she can be less than a model parent for a variety of reasons.
"The amount of time between father and child is important because it facilitates a closer parent child relationship. But time does not automatically equal closeness. The quality of time spent and the level of involvement .... are ... more important." Also Page 203 - determining custody arrangements.
Again - sounds objective enough but actually why is this represented only in terms of dad. Isn't this statement true for moms as well? Phrased as written there is an assumption that mother time does equal closeness and that it is automatically quality otherwise why point this out only for fathers during a discussion on custody which should be gender neutral. If the term was written with parent in place of father then it would be truly objective. As written it supports the notion that moms are custodial parents and dads are visitors - and not to worry about the amount of time dads spend - but worry about the quality of time they spend. So to be fair, don't worry about the time mom spends with the children, just the quality of time she spends - thereby freeing up large amounts of time for dad and children.
These are only 2 examples but please read this book with caution, such biases are sprinkled all through out the book (perhaps because the authors are both moms) and amongst a backdrop of authority, general objectivity and mastery of the subject matter which makes them all the more dangerous.