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Stephan Poulter

Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life Paperback – July 28, 2009

by Ph.D. Stephan B. Poulter (Author)

13 ratings

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Over two-thirds of American families are "blended," which means they are made up of remarried adults and often stepchildren. Although it's good news that many divorced people remarry, the bad news is that too many of them carry the animosities and negative behavior patterns of their former heartbreaks into their new situation. In this supportive and uplifting book that is aimed at both men and women, Dr. Stephan B. Poulter―acclaimed author of The Father Factor and The Mother Factor―tackles this pervasive problem with great sensitivity and understanding. Dividing the work into three parts, Dr. Poulter takes the reader step by step from the anguish of divorce to the security of a stronger and more fulfilling future attachment.In part one, he explains how breakups happen and explores the challenges of dealing with the emotional wreckage, from guilt and anger to feelings of rejection and despair. Part two describes five relationship styles and helps readers develop insight into their own styles so that present and future relationships can grow in a healthy and refreshed atmosphere. In part three he shows ways to go beyond blame, tension, and other "ex-factors" and objectively assess inner needs. As Dr. Poulter shows, the key to forming lasting bonds with another is discovering exactly what one needs to feel loved.Your Ex-Factor will be a welcome resource to anyone trying to move forward beyond the pain of emotional loss and rediscover the joys of loving again regardless of prior history, circumstances, "old baggage," or fears. This invaluable guide will open your eyes to promote healthy and truly fulfilling relationships now and into the future.

Print length

303 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Prometheus
Publication date

July 28, 2009
Dimensions

5.4 x 0.64 x 8.3 inches
ISBN-10

9781591027249
ISBN-13

978-1591027249
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Clinical psychologist Poulter provides a praiseworthy model for how to dissolve a marriage or serious relationship. On the assumption that endings are often inevitable, he demonstrates through case studies and exercises how to tackle this emotional period in a dignified manner, creating the possibility for future loving relationships. First, he says, one must accept that the relationship is over, and he advocates taking personal responsibility as the foundation for moving forward. He insists that anger should not be used as a weapon but rather as a positive motivator for personal change, and recommends writing oneself a letter entitled Anger, to explore the ways in which the relationship and its breakup caused resentment. (Caveat: this letter, along with other exercises in the book, is for personal discovery only and not meant for sharing with one's ex-spouse or partner.) Poulter acknowledges that the hardest part of moving on is breaking destructive behavior patterns, and he provides valuable insight and action plans to aid in achieving this. With considerable skill, Poulter strikes a hopeful chord on postrelationship strategies that leave the reader refreshed, rather than depressed (July)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"What a great book! Your Ex-Factor is an excellent resource for those going through divorce or heartbreak. I strongly recommend Dr. Poulter's book to gain the coping skills needed in order to get through difficult times" ----Wendy M. Schwartz, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Brentwood CA.

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Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1591027241
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Prometheus (July 28, 2009)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 303 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781591027249
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1591027249
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.4 x 0.64 x 8.3 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #2,685,742 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #3,174 in Sociology of Marriage & Family (Books)
- #3,581 in Divorce (Books)
- #8,795 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)

Customer Reviews:
13 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		66%
4 star		17%
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2 star 0% (0%)		0%
1 star		17%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Cratsky

Learn to evaluate your feelings about the ex why you cling on

Reviewed in the United States on December 7, 2010

Verified Purchase

I found this book to be an effective meditation on how and why my recent relationship ended. If you're looking for a quick fix to get over the pain, which involves activities, affirmations and a plan for moving forward then this isn't for you. However, if you want to understand why you feel the way you do, how you may have missed the initial warning signs of incompatibility and want to learn how to love more openly then pick this up.

I've read quite a few relationship books and this one was the most satisfying. Yes, I know those other books are right in saying that I was perfectly happy being single before the ex came along and staying healthy, keeping busy will eventually get me to that point again. But this book is helping me to understand my partner choices and allowing me to work on my inner sense of being. I have no doubt that in the future, I will have stronger boundaries, more tools and a great sense of self which will enable me to choose a more compatible, healthier partner. I really do recommend this book.

I have to add that one key part of this book which has helped me most is his admission that it generally takes at least a year for someone to totally move past the end of a long term relationship. I'm learning to be gentle with myself, as there is a long road of recovery ahead.

4 people found this helpful

Helpful

Gina Patrick

It really helped me to build a better relationship in my present relationship

Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2014

Verified Purchase

I can't talk enough about this book with my friends. I have even ordered it as a gift for a couple of them going through some hard times. This is a book that I have read more then once and highlighted my way through for quick reference times. It really helped me to build a better relationship in my present relationship.

2 people found this helpful

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Sophie

BEST BOOK ON RELATIONSHIPS OUT THERE! WELL, IVE ONLY READ THIS ONE... BUT I LOVED IT!

Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2016

Verified Purchase

READ THIS BOOK!! If you are going through a break up, or you are a therapist, there is some very useful information in here!

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

GORDON C PRICE

yOUR eX - fACTOR"

Reviewed in the United States on April 5, 2010

Verified Purchase

04 06 2010 119am

A practical discussion of the trauma of divorce from the point of view of both spouses. Disusion of some was of coping mechanisms with the hurt, anger, guilt that can accompany this major life event. Practical suggestions on moving on with yor life. All in all one of the best books I have read on this subject ( ad I have read many).

I would strongley recommend it.

Gordon Price - Greensboro, NC

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Amazon Customer

Good read for me

Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2013

Verified Purchase

I thought this book was very insightful on the feelings of the other person. I would highly recommended it for those that are looking to move forward with their lives in a positive way. It helped me when I needed it most.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Steven

Five Stars

Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2015

Verified Purchase

Helped to understand the situations

One person found this helpful

Helpful

J.

A honest, down to earth, book anyone going through a breakup needs on their nightstand

Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2009

I found Dr.Poulters words and insight,help me lift the fog I had so become accustomed to.
This book provided a humble insight into what a person must do (not always wants to do) in order
to one day find the happiness we all so seek. The book is honest, backed up by examples. I found this book as my
night time savior, for the nights I was unable to sleep or think clear. And helped me see how by choosing the
high road in dealing with ending a relationship, it is ultimately the best gift one could ever give themselves.
Granted, I've flipped through other breakup books over the years, but this is one I gave to a girlfriend who is now going through a divorce. This is one I will continue to give to others, or refer to when dealing with the painful realization that a relationship is over. Everything said in this book, I feel any reader can relate to in one way or another. I have this book checked out from my local library, but will purchase it for keeps. Its a great reference to go back to, especially when faced with the option of going back to a broken relationship.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Lily Lake

Amazing Book

Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2011

This book was practically glued to my person for the first month after my breakup from a 4 year relationship with someone I was friends with for 8 years prior. We ended our relationship but agreed that it was best, because we were better as friends. Then, we ended the friendship. It's been so painful and difficult. But this book... is amazing. It helped me more than I could have ever imagined a book could help. The author spoke to everything I was feeling and thinking. Very gentle but very realistic and helpful. A great book - I highly recommend it to anyone working on getting over a relationship and moving forward with their life. I didn't get to finish the book because I moved out of state and had to return it to the library, but I'm now going to purchase it on amazon, even though it's now been 3 months since my breakup... I feel like I could still use some support at times and I trust this book to help.

Helpful

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Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life Paperback – July 28, 2009

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Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life Paperback – July 28, 2009

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