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You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation Paperback – December 26, 2006
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Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
While much of the book is common sense, there are many insights at well. The intimacy between mother and daughter can so easily turn into hurt and pain. Tannen gives solid info on treading through those dangerous waters with a fair shot at maintaining deep bonds throughout life.
One tip I found particularly useful: Communicate via email or in writing when things get really hard. Somehow putting down one's thoughts on paper, editing and rewriting one's words can offer a calmer perspective and avoid impulsive and angry reactions. In other words, allow some breathing space before continuing the conversation...or find another way to communicate without speaking directly.
Good advice - because, in the end, it doesn't really matter HOW you maintain the mother/daughter bond...it just matters that you do.
Yes, the book is "light" in parts. Yes, Tannen's own issues and angst come through loud and clear, as though she truly needed to write this book to purge her own demons. But it is also extremely enlightening. Many AHA moments.
The book is a blueprint for mending fences, reading signals, and growing up. Either the mother or the daughter has to be the adult. It doesn't matter which one. The rewards for learning how to put the past behind are tremendous.
And as an only daughter who lives 1200 miles away from my 84-year-old mother, with brothers who all live 15 minutes away from her, I might have to give up all the resentments I've invested so heavily in toward the boys for ignoring mother's needs. Now I understand that our mother is not interested in receiving their help - she wants mine.
On the other hand, it offered little solution to the problem, other than to recognize that is what you're doing, that those are universal problems, and why the female nature unwittingly recreates these situations. The basic format of most of her examples went something like, "The mom said this, the daughter took it wrong, the mom was surprised and hurt." And the general thrust of the advice was, "Moms, don't give too much advice. Daughters, they don't mean it that way so don't overreact."
I sensed that perhaps the author's recent loss of her mother led her to cast a more generous light on dysfunctional mothering communication, giving it the benefit of the doubt, while her late realization at how she'd misunderstood her mother led her to cast daughters' perceptions as the problem.
Perhaps that is true in more healthy families, but what if they DO mean it that way? There was some discussion of darker dysfunctional relationships, but not much advice about what to do to change that or heal from it, which left an otherwise comprehensive discussion quite lacking.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book is a magazine article turned into a book--not a bad magazine article, just that.Published 2 months ago by M D PATRICIAN
I expected something different than people telling their stories.Published 3 months ago by Arlene Alarcon
Recommended reading - but don't ask your daughter to read it. Just you. I'm glad I read it - and better understand my mom's and my relationship years after she's been gone -- and... Read morePublished 3 months ago by DalesMelody
Wow I not only read about me I also read about my mom and my daughter. Great book delivered a lot of insight to my situations.Published 13 months ago by Truckn Nana
I ordered a used copy of this little book. In very good condition. It is a very insightful read for mothers and daughters.....just what I was looking for.Published 16 months ago by Jeanette Purgason