By far the best modality for therapy and self understanding I've ever ready.
Surpasses attachment theory with removing the attachment to an external person and attaching to your internal self or Self.
The Magic Kitchen metaphor was amazing and so helpful to me.
The description of controllers who end up sabotaging relationships by trying to make the partner into the needed savior was spot on. Perfect.
And the furthering of Gottmans theory as well where he says we can't just learn how to fight fairly- we have to heal our own inner painful areas and parts before the controllers will stop trying to change the external mate.
and until then we will continue to trigger each other.
So enlightening.
I wish he'd highlight more of the importance of the guidance of spirit or God or higher power when we're working in those dark dungeons- I guarantee protectors won't trust us to make real healing happen on our own.
Why would they? we've failed at it for decades.
One man for example took his child's shame and threw it over the horizon and it came back a sapphire.
um a little hokey and definitely new age-y.
My internal skeptics will never buy into that kind of 'treatment'.
But a spirit led, imago dei, higher power, guardian angel facilitated transformation...that I can believe in.
I heard an interview with Dick recently talking about this book and I was disappointed that he had forgotten the crucial metaphor of the book- the magic kitchen.
I've been the guy who had the children in that magic kitchen who were starving, and found the candy lady.
but the metaphor leaves out that once the candy lady is attached to then powerful controllers come out and grasp on her with powerful pincers and try to change her into what it wants- its a brutal attempted manipulation of another creature.
That said creature would eventually get sick of that manipulation and fight back and eventually leave is no surprise at all.
Unfortunately surprising the starved child/ controller and striking fear in his heart. Panic even.
I found the gender usage a bit too often tilted towards the women being the anxiously attached and the man being the avoidant one.
VERY often the man is anxiously attached. That's a societal mislabeling.
Anyway. Loved the book. and I think he's also from Oak Park Illinois so all the better.
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Please, please fix the kindle version
So far so good, especially the part where it reinforced that we search for others to make us feel whole but when it’s not sustainable we feel disconnected. Downloaded on Kindle though and it’s not formatted properly, there are typos and the title keeps showing up in the middle of the pages. Please, please fix your Kindle version so it doesn’t distract readers from the message.
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