- Paperback: 128 pages
- Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 5, 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1449564879
- ISBN-13: 978-1449564872
- Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.3 x 9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
- Average Customer Review: 3.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,893,715 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Zombie Survival Guide: How to Live Like a King After the Outbreak Paperback – December 5, 2009
About the Author
Some say Etienne is the baddest mothertrucker on the planet, while most others say he is kind of puny and has poorly concealed homosexual tendencies. Etienne was raised in a military compound deep in the Rhodesian jungle by a single father. His dad commanded a squadron of mercenaries, specialized in suppressing the frequent zombie outbreaks in remote jungle villages. When he was 14, the boy was awakened one night by the frantic retreat of soldiers fleeing a fight gone horrifically awry. Only after hours of agonizing pleas for an answer to where his Papa was did the soldiers of fortune tell him. His father was claimed by the undead. Drunk with blood lust Etienne slipped away from the compound and went to the village where his father was slain. Rampant with zombies and flame, E.T., as he was lovingly called by the soldiers, arrived coldly into the village. He belted screams of African curses from the depths of his intestines and tirelessly laid waste to the ghost like creatures with the power of agony, gunpowder and steel. All but one of the undead where left when the child ran out of ammo and angst. As the last of the flesh eaters approached, he recognized the monster to be his, his father. With tears of agony cascading from his eyes he exclaimed, "Daddy, why did you abandon me!" and proceeded to collapse what was once his fathers skull into a paste with the butt of his shotgun. The boy that arrived in the village that evening to avenge his father's death died piece by piece with each creature he relentlessly executed. When the soldiers returned to avenge their comrades they found only bludgeoned corpses and the silent shell that was once a beloved child. All of his innocence lost, what emerged from the jungle after that night was not the same creature that entered. All that remained was a beast so full of hate that it consumed raw meat, and cooked it with the burning anger inside.
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Top Customer Reviews
Let's get this out of the way first:
●THIS IS NOT AN ABSOLUTE GUIDE FOR SERIOUS POST-APOCALYPTIC/ZOMBIE ATTACK SURVIVAL!!!! So if you are a hard-core survivalist, you might consider a different book.
●DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED. It is not politically correct in any form. This is especially true if you are: Black, female, a Nascar fan, Jewish, a Nazi, a pimp, gay, Russian, in the Coast Guard, like techno music, or are anti-necrophilia. (I know I've left out a few categories, but you get the picture.)
●THIS IS NOT A CHILDREN'S BOOK. Yes, it does contain bits of history, archeology, religion, epidemiology, and biology. But it also contains a lot of cursing, racism, theories on male enhancement, and a training guide for turning zombies into sex slaves.
However, if you're someone who can see past those things, this is a pretty funny book. It won't prepare you for the end of the world, but DeForest has some humorous views on the history, cause, and uses of zombies. He pretty much makes fun of everyone, and I think he intended this book to be a parody of all "the-world-is-going-to-end-soon-and-zombies-are-coming-but-I'm-ready-are-you?" books out there. It's good for light reading, and it has pictures and illustrations!
Etienne's Zombie survival guide is a laughable page quicky. Something you could pick up and read the day the outbreak starts. Maybe learn something. Funny that Max Brooks would even laugh at loud to.
The one major downside to the book is that it seems to have been written by a fratboy, complete with misspellings and such. It's not like I was expecting Shakespeare, but I did at least expect it to be edited in some manner.
Regardless, this is absolutely worth the 99 cent Kindle download. If you have a few hours to spare, give it a read. You won't be disappointed.
Instead what I got was poorly written, and high school like level of wildly sloppy writing that I can only describe as utter garbage. The author almost literally mentions male genitalia more than zombies throughout the "book". I read over half the book hoping the humor would pick up, but it never did. At best this book is a high school interpretation of the classic Zombie Survival guide, filled with misspellings and repetative amounts of just plain poor humor.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Its a short book so have that in mind.Read more