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Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Paperback – March 7, 2017
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
A Time Top 10 Book of the Year • A San Francisco Chronicle Book of the Year
The author of the New York Times bestseller Cinderella Ate My Daughter offers a clear-eyed picture of the new sexual landscape girls face in the post-princess stage—high school through college—and reveals how they are negotiating it.
A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. Even in this age of helicopter parenting, the mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.
While the media has focused—often to sensational effect—on the rise of casual sex and the prevalence of rape on campus, in Girls and Sex Peggy Orenstein brings much more to the table. She examines the ways in which porn and all its sexual myths have seeped into young people’s lives; what it means to be the “the perfect slut” and why many girls scorn virginity; the complicated terrain of hookup culture and the unfortunate realities surrounding assault. In Orenstein’s hands these issues are never reduced to simplistic “truths;” rather, her powerful reporting opens up a dialogue on a potent, often silent, subtext of American life today—giving readers comprehensive and in-depth information with which to understand, and navigate, this complicated new world.
- Print length336 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarper Paperbacks
- Publication dateMarch 7, 2017
- Dimensions0.76 x 5.31 x 8 inches
- ISBN-100062209744
- ISBN-13978-0062209740
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Provocative and thoughtful.... Both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it.... The breadth of Orenstein’s reporting ... is impressive.” — Laura Stepp, Washington Post
“Nonsensational but deeply entertaining…. A must-read.” — People, Book of the Week
“An honest and thoughtful exploration.... It would be easy to pigeonhole Girls & Sex as essential reading only for parents of female teens or preteens.... [But] this book is for anyone who cares for a girl approaching womanhood.” — Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation
“A nuanced read for anyone who remembers being a young woman and anyone who is raising the next generation of girls (and boys) for whom we hope the future holds sexual satisfaction, not pain or disappointment.” — Rebecca Traister, More
“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” — Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon
“Thought-provoking. . .Girls & Sex is full of thoughtful concern and empathetic questions.” — Cindi Leive, New York Times Book Review, cover review
“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” — Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation
“Girls & Sex should be mandatory for anyone who cares about the present and future cultural landscape for girls, women, humans. I seriously want to quit my job and tour the country, furiously hawking Peggy Orenstein’s insightful, important book.” — Rashida Jones, actress, writer, producer
“[An] important new book.... Her writing is clear and compelling, her analysis is incisive and thorough, and her findings are downright troubling.” — Sharon Holbrook, Washington Post
“Fascinating…. A wise and sharply argued look at how girls are navigating ‘the complicated new landscape’ of sex and sexuality.” — Economist
“An intimate view of the sex lives of young women in the United States. While revealing disturbing common threads… Orenstein brings levity to this fraught topic.” — Elle
“’Girls & Sex’ may do more to change how sex education is rethought and how parents and daughters discuss pleasure and sexuality than any book since the landmark ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves.’” — Tamara Straus, San Francisco Chronicle
“If you’re going to talk about women in the 21st century, you MUST read Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex. No one else is asking these questions; so no one else, then, is finding out the answers.” — Caitlin Moran, Author of How to Be a Woman
“A smart, sobering guide to the sexual lives of young women today.” — Ann Levin, Associated Press
“Eloquent…. [A] compact, polished, and readable… cris de coeur.” — Julia M. Klein, Boston Globe
“With compassion and insight, Peggy Orenstein holds a mirror not only to girls’ experiences but to our own judgments. No less than the emotional health and physical safety of our daughters (and of our sons, by the way) depends on the kind of insight Girls & Sex provides.” — Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes
“Deeply reported, passionately argued.” — Isaac Chotiner, Slate
“Peggy Orenstein sheds light on an important and too often misunderstood topic. Her reporting shows how a healthy and direct approach to sexuality is a key component of gender equality.” — Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and founder of LeanIn.Org
“An enlightening, sad and shocking look into the minds of teenagers and their views on casual sex, love and relationships.” — Aimee Blanchette, Minneapolis Star Tribune
“A sequel of sorts to Orenstein’s ‘Cinderella Ate My Daughter’…. Sketches a sobering portrait.” — Oliver Wang, L.A. Times
“Orenstein has compiled an eye-opening study of the way that girls and women in America think, feel, and act regarding sex…. The abundant information she provides will give parents and young girls the power to make informed decisions regarding sex.” — Kirkus
“Eye-opening…. Orenstein draws powerful, humane portraits of her interview subjects, self-reliant young women who find themselves trapped by sexist stereotypes about women’s bodies and women’s pleasure. [A] smart, earnest, and timely assessment.” — Publishers Weekly, starred review
“Accessible prose and narrative style will bring the work of many thoughtful experts to a wider audience…. Young adults, parents, educators, and activists alike will find this passionate work a timely conversation starter.” — Library Journal
“Sex and teenagers have always gone together, but parents reading Orenstein’s frank exploration of current trends may still be in for a shock…. This isn’t a comfortable book to read (Orenstein herself admits twinges a few times), but it’s an important one.” — Booklist
“Orenstein is such a breezy, funny, writer, it’s easy to forget she’s an important thinker too.” — People, four stars, on Cinderella Ate My Daughter
From the Back Cover
A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. The mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with more than seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.
About the Author
Peggy Orenstein is the New York Times bestselling author of Boys & Sex, Don’t Call Me Princess, Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Waiting for Daisy, Flux, and Schoolgirls. A frequent contributor to the New York Times, she has written for the Washington Post, The Atlantic, Afar, The New Yorker, and other publications, and has contributed commentary to NPR’s All Things Considered and PBS NewsHour. She lives in Northern California.
Product details
- Publisher : Harper Paperbacks
- Publication date : March 7, 2017
- Edition : Reprint
- Language : English
- Print length : 336 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062209744
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062209740
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 0.76 x 5.31 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #84,048 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #55 in General Sexual Health
- #86 in Sex & Sexuality
- #100 in Parenting Teenagers (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Peggy Orenstein is the author of the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Waiting for Daisy as well as Unraveling, Don’t Call Me Princess, Flux, and the classic SchoolGirls. A frequent contributor to The New York Times and a contributing writer for AFAR, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR’s All Things Considered and The PBS News Hour. She has been featured on, among other programs, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, Morning Joe, and NPR’s Fresh Air. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over six million times.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book important and well-written, making it a must-read for parents, particularly those with both boys and girls. Moreover, the information quality receives positive feedback, with customers describing it as very enlightening and thought-provoking. Additionally, the book's authenticity is appreciated, with customers noting its honest approach. However, the suspenseful aspect receives mixed reactions, with some finding it disturbing.
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Customers find the book highly readable and well-written, with many noting it's a must-read for parents, particularly those with both boys and girls.
"Fantastic book. I read her alternate book as well, boys and sex...." Read more
"...thing is to teach girls how to do sex right--to make it safe, enjoyable, and emotionally satisfying--which it apparently almost never is, today...." Read more
"...So that time has come. The message of the book is quite simple. Women In other spheres of life are used to being assertive and treated as equals...." Read more
"...I listened to the Author's reading on 6 compact discs, which was clear and well-paced, but with an almost-calculated quality...." Read more
Customers find the book enlightening and thought-provoking, providing an excellent overview of a crucial topic.
"...It helped me better understand myself and the other half of the population." Read more
"...by Peggy Orenstein and know her to be a highly intelligent, thought provoking and well informed author...." Read more
"...Her research is eye-opening...." Read more
"...This eye-opening book helped prepare me, and her, to successfully navigate the real world." Read more
Customers appreciate the authenticity of the book.
"...There is some eye opening dialogue in here which is very real. This book is geared more towards mid-teens...." Read more
"...never found a book about sex, that isn't about the actual act to be so honest, inspiring and at times enraging..." Read more
"...This book is candid and honest. A must read for any parent." Read more
"One of the best books I read in 2016. Thought provoking and honest...." Read more
Customers have mixed reactions to the book's suspenseful elements, with some finding it disturbing and terrifying.
"...be daunting to parents just beginning to explore a subject that is, well scary.. So right off the start mothers will have a reason to "put it..." Read more
"...parents of teens and all teens need to read this eye-opening and disturbing book, which exposes the pressures (and worse) that girls experience at..." Read more
"Riveting, terrifying yet hopeful...." Read more
"Anyone with a pre-pubescent girl or older will find this book a disturbing read...." Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2025Fantastic book. I read her alternate book as well, boys and sex. I would recommend each of these books to people raised as the opposite gender as is described in the book. It helped me better understand myself and the other half of the population.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2016As a grandfather, totally out of touch with the world of girls today, I read this book to find out what sort of world my three granddaughters are getting themselves into. It's a nightmare world. 10% of girls get violently raped, 25% get taken advantage of while drunk. Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have disappeared as concepts. Sex is mostly about "hooking up." I trust my grandkids and their wonderful parents to manage this wilderness somehow, but I have some major questions for society. First, I certainly agree with the author that the most immediate and important thing is to give girls more control of their lives and feelings. The awful old pressures to conform, go along, do what boys/men want, and be passive and docile appear to be actually worse than in the 1950s when I was this age. They certainly aren't any better. Second, I also agree that one very important thing is to teach girls how to do sex right--to make it safe, enjoyable, and emotionally satisfying--which it apparently almost never is, today. We in the 1950s were utterly unprepared for sex and didn't have a clue how to enjoy it when we finally managed--it was supposed to be "fun," that was all. Apparently things are actually even worse now: the kids learn from porn, which is truly worse than nothing, for reasons covered with great explicitness in this book. Third, and this is not really stressed enough in the book, we have to do something about pop culture and the pressures on kids to conform to it and take all their standards and orientations from it. It is teaching the worst possible lessons--and not just the porn. Fourth, we have to stop glorifying the most unnatural: totally shaved bodies, plastic surgery, all sorts of piercings and so on, anything to make the body look like a pathology textbook rather than a human being. How is a girl going to have a decent love life if she thinks her body is so repulsive that she has to do all these things to it? Some pretty graphic details of hating nature are in the book (I spare the reader here).
A lot of girls are simply swearing off sex. University surveys known to me have revealed figures in the range of 20 minutes a day for "romantic activities." (Versus 7 to 8 hours for classes and studies.) So it seems like the alternative to partying is nothing, or nearly nothing. I hope this is wrong....
We as a society really have to go against the pop trash, whether it's porn, gangsta rap, other pop music, or the other horrors these days, and get the message to the kids (boys as well as girls) that sex is about love and relationships, AND can be a lot of fun, but it can't be done by conformity, least of all with porn--it has to be developed as an art in itself.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2019I have read articles by Peggy Orenstein and know her to be a highly intelligent, thought provoking and well informed author. I assumed this book would be great, and was waiting to purchase it until I thought it would be of value for my daughter to read as well. So that time has come. The message of the book is quite simple. Women In other spheres of life are used to being assertive and treated as equals. Not so in teen hookup culture. She describes a world of horny boys who are not yet mature enough to care a hoot if their female counterparts are comfortable either physically or psychologically. In addition, the typical girl she interviewed would rather just give the blowjob the teen boy feels entitled to rather than create awkwardness or disappointment, in stark contrast to what society portrays as the ideal assertiveness in the modern girl—for some reason this assertiveness doesn’t seem to carry over to these matters. Ms. Orenstein feels that this should be actively taught, with an emphasis on actually acknowledging that women are entitled to receive pleasure from sexual activity as well as men. She makes the case that the money spent in the US on abstinence education has nothing to show for it, and is contrasted by the sex ed program in the Netherlands, which fosters an adolescent’s sexual awakening in the context of connection to parents, teachers, and committed partners, vs the American assumption that sexual awakening must be an act of rebellion conducted by sneaking around. She highlights a particular education program that helps teens practice different complicated scenarios involving possible sexual pressure, so they can practice their responses.
Top reviews from other countries
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BazingaReviewed in France on July 11, 20185.0 out of 5 stars Une réflexion très interessante
Livre très intéressant, rédigé dans un anglais courant
shreyaReviewed in India on February 5, 20215.0 out of 5 stars Live experience true
It's interesting and all true
BirdyReviewed in Canada on September 4, 20205.0 out of 5 stars Have a daughter ? Buy this book
Have a daughter? - buy this book.
If not for anything but to open up the discussion table and get you talking to her. I barely got a few pages in before we started! A lot of topics are not directly about sex, but good warm up conversations. I’d go back and then pick another topic and work my way into getting her talking with me. Fantastic book.
FlojoReviewed in the United Kingdom on October 8, 20165.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading even if your not a parent, a glimpse into the world young women have to tackle everyday
I've just started reading this book, and I want to recommend it to any parent of a child boy or girl about to reach there teens . In fact everyone should read it regardless . I remember in my teens demanding equality in work and education now I read these girls accounts and I wonder how we as a society have let what's happening to them ever get like this. We need to stand up and say no but also let the next generation know they can change things. Even if you don't read the whole book download the sample it will give you a glimpse into what young girls are facing on a daily basis.
Amazon CustomerReviewed in Germany on October 8, 20195.0 out of 5 stars Hm, interesting
For a guy, this is an eye opener to understanding the opposite sex.












