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The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families Paperback – June 1, 1994

by Amity Pierce Buxton (Author)

35 customer reviews

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Candid, compassionate, authoritative--a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance. ""The first major work on the topic."" --Gay Community News ""A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis. --The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians ""The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children's reactions to a parent's coming out. Well-researched and insightful."" --Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option ""Anybody practicing in this area would be well advised to read this book."" --Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family's journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton's eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counseling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

An invaluable book incorporating the author's seven years of research and interviews with hundreds of spouses with insights derived from her own teaching and counseling work. Contains stories and tactics for straight spouses and their families to constructively cope with a mate or family member who declares his/her homosexuality. Analyzes six key issues a straight spouse faces when a partner `comes out' including damaged sexuality, threatened marital relationships, conflicting spouse/parent roles, devalued self-concept, destroyed integrity and shattered belief systems.

From the Back Cover

Candid, compassionate, authoritative—a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance… "The first major work on the topic." —Gay Community News "A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis.".; —The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians "The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children’s reactions to a parent’s coming out. Well-researched and insightful." —Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option "Anybody practicing in this area would be well advised to read this book." —Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family’s journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton’s eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counseling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product details

Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (June 1, 1994)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0471021520
ISBN-13: 978-0471021520
Product Dimensions: 7.2 x 0.8 x 9.1 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 35 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #164,988 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #261 in Books > Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Books > LGBT Studies
- #429 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Sexual Health > General
- #779 in Books > Self-Help > Sex

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Understanding the "other side"

August 15, 2005

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Amity Pierce Buxton's book is a good resource, to a point, for spouses who find themselves in a mixed-orientation marriage. While I found that the stories were somewhat outdated and I had difficulty relating to them, the statistical information in the book makes it worth the read. It reads a bit like a scholarly textbook outside the personal testimonies, so expect it to be dry in places.

But it does provide information and stats to the straight spouse. Some of these statistics can be pretty depressing, and I found that the book does not really cover all of the different types of mixed-orientation marriages, and the ways that many couples come up with to retain a relationship with their spouses.

All in all, an interesting and informative read, but somewhat outdated.

9 people found this helpful

Comment

Accurate But Dated Material - 70's and 80's

January 17, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

It certainly hit the nail on the head - I did stop reading about half way through because most of the stories were from the 70's and 80's. I have been going back periodically and reading another story but I am looking at more current material. The "I Am Cait" reality show on TV is a good example of how much people care about the spouse.

Comment

If you are in this situation, this is the go-to book

September 1, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

If this is your life - this book is required reading, and if the straight spouse network is your best support group. Look them up and get in touch - you will not regret it.

2 people found this helpful

Comment

This book has been very helpful to me in getting ...

March 1, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book has been very helpful to me in getting through what is the MOST horrific period in my life. If your spouse has told you he/she is gay, then you need to read this book!

Comment

sort of helpful

September 2, 2013

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

good reading for the partner of someone just coming out of the closet. Good stories of individuals but not necessarily helpful unless you are just curious how individuals handled their situations. I was looking for more facts and less personal histories. Many of the couples chose to stay together and tried to work something out so they had ongoing stories as opposed to the couples who split up.

Comment

April 28, 2015

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

As I recently discovered my spouse coming out, I had no where to turn for answers, so I downloaded a couple of books.. This is the first one that I read, and it is helping me thru this difficult time.

One person found this helpful

Comment

Amazon Customer

February 29, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

all good

Comment

December 21, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

All the books on this question of 'mixed orientation marriages' are by women - either married lesbians who have 'come out' later in life, after marrying a man and having children, or by straight women whose husbands 'come out' as gay. But there seem to be no books at all by straight men whose wives discover their lesbian orientation, and very little in this book and all the others from the straight man's perspective.

Comment

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