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The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves Hardcover – October 10, 2023
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Alexandra Hudson, daughter of the "Manners Lady," was raised to respect others. But as she grew up, Hudson discovered a difference between politeness―a superficial appearance of good manners―and true civility. In this timely book, Hudson sheds light on how civility can help bridge our political divide.
From classical philosophers like Epictetus, to great twentieth-century thinkers like Martin Luther King Jr., to her own experience working in the federal government during one of the most politically fraught eras in our nation's history, Hudson examines how civility―a respect for the personhood and dignity of others―transcends political disagreements. Respecting someone means valuing them enough to tell them when you think they are wrong.
It’s easy to look at the divided state of the world and blame our leaders, the media, or our education system. Instead, we should focus on what we can control: ourselves. The Soul of Civility empowers readers to live tolerantly with others despite deep differences, and to rigorously protest wrongs and debate issues rather than silencing disagreements. A robust public discourse is essential to a truly civil society, and respecting others means telling hard truths. If enough of us decide to change ourselves, we might be able to change the world we live in, too.
Provocative, personal, and acutely relevant, The Soul of Civility is an essential book for our era.
- Print length416 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherSt. Martin's Press
- Publication dateOctober 10, 2023
- Dimensions5.8 x 1.3 x 8.6 inches
- ISBN-101250277787
- ISBN-13978-1250277787
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From the Publisher
Editorial Reviews
Review
"Journalist Hudson debuts with an illuminating ode to civility … Hudson mines a wide range of sources, from Socrates to the epic of Gilgamesh to explore civility’s nuances and then calls for its revival in modern society … an enlightening reexamination of an often-overlooked virtue.” ―Publishers Weekly
“Alexandra Hudson has written a remarkable book. The Soul of Civility unpacks the critical concept of civility, distinguishing it from mere politeness and explaining how it is as the core of our social life. It provides insight into writers and civilizations across time and space, and the ways that they are linked through this single idea. A worthwhile read.”―Francis Fukuyama, Stanford University
"Civility has become one of the most underrated ideas in contemporary America. Alexandra Hudson, in her elegant and articulate The Soul of Civility, is here to push it over the top once again."―Tyler Cowen, public intellectual, bestselling author, and founder of Marginal Revolution
"I need this book. And you do too."―Joel Stein, Los Angeles Times contributor and former TIME columnist
"The world needs this book!” ― Kim Scott, New York Times bestselling author of Radical Candor
"Alexandra Hudson's The Soul of Civility offers pearls of philosophical wisdom and engaging historical anecdotes all woven into a compelling argument for rediscovering the virtue of civility. Her exploration of the distinction between mere politeness and genuine civility, and the centrality of civility to human flourishing, couldn't be more timely or needed."-- Donald Robertson, author of How to Think Like a Roman Emperor
"In The Soul of Civility, Lexi Hudson, one of the most original thought-leaders of her generation, plumbs the depths of American and classical thought on the centrality of a robust civic community in nurturing the habits of pluralistic democracy. This book should be at the top of the reading list for anyone who is eager to reconnect with a vital part of our heritage, and to rediscover a proven path to renewing America's social institutions." --Don Eberly, author of Restoring the Good Society and America's Promise
"[The Soul of Civility] is a book that needs to be written, at a moment in American history marked by deepening rancor and polarization, and by growing challenges to traditional norms of decency and civility. . . . [Hudson's] has the potential to influence public understanding of the compelling need for civil society in America." --George H. Nash, Ph.D., author of The Conservative Intellectual Movement Since 1945
"[Hudson] is a welcome voice of sanity and civility in an era of partisanship, panic, and pandemic. While most commentators are seeking to sow division during this time of cultural crisis, [Hudson] provides a hopeful vision for America’s future rooted in solidarity, neighborliness, and faith in our best traditions."--John A. Burtka, Executive Director & Acting Editor, The American Conservative
"We live in a divided moment where reasonable and clear thinking is urgently needed. Knowing that Alexandra Hudson is a leading voice in our public discourse and of her generation, I have hope for the future of our country."― Lee Hamilton, Democratic congressman from Indiana, founding board member of the National Institute for Civil Discourse
"Alexandra Hudson is a force of nature. Graceful in her prose and gracious in her spirit, she is the perfect author to tackle the topic of manners and civil society in our frequently ill-mannered and uncivil moment. She is a talented writer, an effective representative that will satisfy readers and play a vital role in a public conversation that is too often petty and mean."--Jim Antle, Editor, The Washington Examiner
“I love, love, love this book! It’s sure to be a classic in our time. Deeply researched, historically astute, and up to the minute in its relevance to the biggest challenges of our day." ―Tom Morris, public philosopher and author of If Aristotle Ran General Motors
“An insightful and inspiring call to civility in our private and public lives, and an amazing tour of what the great thinkers of history have said on the topic. This history of civility is both cautionary and comforting―as is this powerful book!" ―William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota, and co-founder of Braver Angels
"As face to face interactions have been replaced by digital interactions, incivility has exploded, with dire consequences for democracies. In this beautifully written and meditative book, Hudson shows us the treasure we are losing in civility, and how to regain it. She reaches back into history and up to a vision of human potential. Along the way, she touches your soul and inspires you to do better." ― Jonathan Haidt, New York Times bestselling author and Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership, New York University.
“Our dangerously divided times make civility easy to forget. But Alexandra Hudson's brilliant book ― rich with wisdom, stories, and unrehearsed intellectual adventures ― is here to make sure we remember."
― Mónica Guzmán, author of I Never Thought of It That Way and Senior Fellow, Braver Angels
"Hudson’s willingness to take a profound idea and trace its application back for millennia is refreshing at a time of presentism, small thinking and spectacle. . . engaging and well-presented. . . We need more of this at the margin: both more civility and more books like this one." - Discourse
“This book should be widely read, widely understood ― and its message taken to heart.” - Mitch Daniels, former Governor of Indiana
" A Humanist Manifesto of Our Times… thoughtful and morally serious." - Front Porch Republic
“This is a marvelous book! I stayed up last night until about 1:30 am carefully reading Chapter 8, which explores how civility supports civil society. Hudson’s prescriptions are just what our country needs.” - Kate Stith, Lafayette S. Foster Professor of Law, Yale Law School
"Intelligent...edifying...charming...emboldening." -Wall Street Journal
“The Soul of Civility is a wonderful book and quite an exercise in scholarship. I am rarely tempted to compare a book with Montaigne’s Essays, but indeed I do here. This is a timeless book that should be on shelves forever.” ― Hugh Hewitt, host of The Hugh Hewitt show
"[A] humanistic manifesto . . . across [a] diversity of cultures and civilizations." - National Review
“Unexpectedly compelling… deeply informed.” - Los Angeles Review of Books
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : St. Martin's Press
- Publication date : October 10, 2023
- Language : English
- Print length : 416 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1250277787
- ISBN-13 : 978-1250277787
- Item Weight : 1 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.8 x 1.3 x 8.6 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #111,014 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #30 in Etiquette Guides & Advice
- #71 in Civics & Citizenship (Books)
- #234 in Political Conservatism & Liberalism
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Alexandra Hudson is a writer, popular speaker, and the founder of Civic Renaissance, a publication and intellectual community dedicated to beauty, goodness and truth. She was named the 2020 Novak Journalism Fellow, and contributes to Fox News, CBS News, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, TIME Magazine, POLITICO Magazine, and Newsweek. She earned a master’s degree in public policy at the London School of Economics as a Rotary Scholar, and is an adjunct professor at the Indiana University Lilly School of Philanthropy. She is also the creator of a series for The Teaching Company called Storytelling and The Human Condition, available for streaming as of May 2023. She lives in Indianapolis, Indiana with her husband and two children restoring their historic Italian renaissance style home, enjoying classic films, putting a new spin on old recipes in the kitchen, dabbling in water color, or reading a Platonic dialogue.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this book insightful, with one noting it serves as a guidepost for human flourishing. Moreover, the book receives praise for its thorough research, thoughtful approach, and well-written style. Additionally, customers appreciate its beautiful exploration of cultural foundations and consider it a necessary balm for society.
AI Generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book insightful, with one mentioning it serves as a guidepost for human flourishing and another noting its relevance to today's political culture.
"...as a tool or a means to an end but as a virtue and constant life practice for human flourishing...." Read more
"...and knowledge on this subject and how it is so easy and practical to apply in everyday life...." Read more
"This bookbhas helped me navigate some of the divisiveness and rancor that characterize political discourse...." Read more
"...I was able to glean several good insights throughout, and I appreciated many of the quotes by other thinkers that were included...." Read more
Customers find the book uplifting, describing it as a necessary balm for society, with one customer highlighting its focus on respecting human dignity and worth.
"The Soul of Civility is an inspiring call to recover civility not as a tool or a means to an end but as a virtue and constant life practice for..." Read more
"...The history, research, promise and possibilities of a return to civility is so uplifting...." Read more
"...centuries ago, there is a newfound interest in learning, beauty, humanity, and, you guessed it, civility...." Read more
"...I appreciate the author's distinction between politeness and civility...." Read more
Customers find the book to be a must-read, with one noting its depth of reading is mind-blowing, and another emphasizing its importance for all areas of society.
"...She was even so gracious to chat with me via emails. This was a great read and I'm happy to leave a review so that others will read it too!" Read more
"I loved this book and have recommended it to many friends. The history, research, promise and possibilities of a return to civility is so uplifting...." Read more
"...draws from ancient and contemporary culture...the depth of her reading is mind blowing...." Read more
"...deep polarization and political extremism, this is the book the entire world needs to read." Read more
Customers appreciate the thorough research of the book, with one customer noting its insightful survey into history.
"...The history, research, promise and possibilities of a return to civility is so uplifting...." Read more
"...She goes in to deep, scholarly detail to show us the difference between politeness vs. civility...." Read more
"...This book is well-written, extensively documented and easy to read...." Read more
"The Soul of Civility is an insightful survey into history where we find the cultural challenges of today are rooted in the human experience since..." Read more
Customers find the book extremely thoughtful, with one noting its noble intention.
"...I thought this was a surprising and thoughtful touch, especially the way she nudges us toward seeing disagreement as an affirmation of the others'..." Read more
"...The Soul of Civility causes us to reflect, consider, introspect and even meditate on purposeful discourse in our day-to-day actions...." Read more
"This book is extremely thoughtful and intellectually robust. Would that a book like this wasn't necessary, but unfortunately it is...." Read more
"...I am skimming thru it and folding down one page in 20. The intention is noble. That won’t get anyone to read it...." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing style of the book.
"...Alexandra is a great writer and thinker, and I was impressed with her depth of research and knowledge on this subject and how it is so easy and..." Read more
"...This book is well-written, extensively documented and easy to read...." Read more
"...Alexandra has a long and successful writing career ahead of her." Read more
"Well written and desperately needed at this time..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's appearance, describing it as a beautiful look at the foundation of culture.
"...No real love* is ever selfish. I think it brings beautiful things to life and the world when someone is able to be oriented toward their self AND..." Read more
"...This book gives us a fresh look at approaching each other with sincere dignity and respect." Read more
"A beautiful look at the foundation of culture and society over the ages, this book couldn’t have come at a more fitting time...." Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 19, 2023Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseThe Soul of Civility is an inspiring call to recover civility not as a tool or a means to an end but as a virtue and constant life practice for human flourishing. Author Alexandra O’Hudson effortlessly weaves together words of wisdom and colorful anecdotes from ancient philosophers, theologians, world rulers, and manners books to modern historians, politicians, humanitarians, and scholars to clearly demonstrate the necessity of civility– as opposed to oppressive politeness.
I grew up poor, in a community that acted with civic virtue and that held contempt for specific rules of politeness. Despite being a caring community, I’m not sure we ever thought of ourselves as acting with civility– I always perceived civility as the rules that rich people used to denigrate and patronize me. As I became an adult working in politics, I felt resentment against the rules that people called civility because I felt were used to discount my voice. It’s made me better at my job to empathize with the barriers perceived by many Reds and working-class Blues and over time, I’ve learned that many people use civility with the best of intent. Even so, I still chafed sometimes at the word, “civility.”
No more. The Soul of Civility restored warmth in my heart for the word and helped me reframe my previous frustration as properly being with the practice of politeness instead. “Politeness,” Alexandra writes, “can be and has been weaponized to penalize difference, oppress vulnerable populations and voices, and silence dissent.” It felt like she was speaking specifically to my experience. Conversely, practicing civility leads to “multidimensional human flourishing.” Civility, she argues, requires us to “combat our innate self-love, care for those in need, and show humanity to our friends and enemies alike.”
As a Christian, Alexandra convincingly argues for a society governed by “norms that subvert the ego” as Jesus Christ did– valuing “compassion and love for others” more highly than “complying with the rules of right conduct,” or in other words, “maintaining the spirit of the law over the letter of the law.” Subverting the ego and keeping our self-love at a level that enables us to maintain community with people across differences is not just a practice for Christians. Civic virtue is a timeless practice for community health, institutional stability, and relational warmth. Braver Angels ground rules (like the rule that we describe our own views and avoid characterizing the views of others) thrive under this idea. The point of our rules is not militant enforcement, each participant listening for someone to say something they think is polarizing or stereotyping. The goal is not perfect "politeness." Instead, the goal is to understand the “substance and motivation” behind a person’s words and actions while avoiding hypocrisy of our own.
The Soul of Civility should be a clarion call. In my time promoting civic renewal, I’ve often run across organizations celebrating civility that instead feel oppressively polite. As Alexandra concludes, “...peaceful coexistence is challenging and fragile. It requires vigilant nurturing.” The desire to dominate (“libido dominandi”) lives strongly in human nature and without purposeful effort, we’re prone to replace civility with politeness even in our own lives. “Running from disagreement, or pretending differences don’t exist, is not an option. Being overcome by the battles and chaos of the world is a recipe for despondency. Building habits of personal renewal involves recovering pursuits that nourish our souls.” Building strong community across differences is a pursuit that nourishes my soul and I hope that the personal “transforming of our hearts” is something that nourishes yours, too.
- Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2024Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseI loved this book and have recommended it to many friends. The history, research, promise and possibilities of a return to civility is so uplifting. And, I enjoyed the humor of historic attempts at etiquette and right action. Civility seems to be a work in progress and this book gives us hope.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2023Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseI have so many great things to say about The Soul of Civility and its author, Alexandra Hudson. I may not remember it all here, but you must read this book for yourself. It is a real game-changer when considering our current, divided struggles. She goes in to deep, scholarly detail to show us the difference between politeness vs. civility. Indeed, they are not the same and often not used for the same purposes.
Then using that same detail and thinking, she explains through various contexts (history, religion, the humanities, etc.) how civility has been the cure to difficult times and situations throughout history, and is also the glue that that forms and holds together communities as well as entire nations, and even our common humanity. The last chapter is my favorite of all where she calls for a civic renaissance which, like the Renaissance Period of several centuries ago, there is a newfound interest in learning, beauty, humanity, and, you guessed it, civility. Alexandra is a great writer and thinker, and I was impressed with her depth of research and knowledge on this subject and how it is so easy and practical to apply in everyday life. You won't be disappointed, so please read her book and take its principles to heart.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2024Format: KindleVerified PurchaseThis bookbhas helped me navigate some of the divisiveness and rancor that characterize political discourse. Friends and I have very different views on many issues. Treatingbone another civilly helps maintain friendship and reduces anxiety. This is truly a book Ibwish more people would read.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 23, 2024Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseI saw the author on television where she was discussing her book. After listening to her, I knew I had to order the book. She was even so gracious to chat with me via emails. This was a great read and I'm happy to leave a review so that others will read it too!
Top reviews from other countries
Janet D. GrayReviewed in Canada on April 11, 20255.0 out of 5 stars A polite call to arms
Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseAt last! A call to participate in a contest we—the pro-moral majority—can easily win! Hudson writes with a lyrical quality that inspires confidence, as she combs through the centuries for exemplars.
—Ron Gray, emeritus leader of Canada's Christian Heritage Party
HIMReviewed in Canada on October 14, 20235.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating and interesting
Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseIt's a pretty special book that make you think in entirely new ways about something that comes up pretty much everyday. I must admit Civility is not a topic I had thought a great deal about before reading this book. I bemoaned its decline and tried to be polite. Hudson's book is clearly the result of years of work and study. She tackles civility from Gilgamesh to Larry David. The book made me think, pause and see the world a bit differently. It's also very well written. It's well worth your time.


