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Jenna Birch

The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love Hardcover – January 23, 2018

by Jenna Birch (Author)

4.5 148 ratings

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A research-based guide to navigating the newest dating phenomenon--"the love gap"--and a trailblazing action plan to help smart, confident, career-driven women find (and keep) their match.

For a rising generation young women, the sky is the limit. Women can be anything and have everything. They are outpacing their male peers in higher education and earning the corner office at work. Smart, driven, assertive women are succeeding at just about everything they do--except romance.

Why are so many men afraid to date smart women?

Modern men claim to want smarts, success, and independence in romantic partners. Or so says the data collected by scientists and dating websites. If that's the case, why are so many independent, successful women winning in life, but losing in love? Journalist Jenna Birch has finally named the perplexing reason: "the love gap"--or that confusing rift between who men say they want to date and who they actually commit to. Backed by extensive data, research, in-depth interviews with experts and real-life relationship stories, The Love Gap is the first book to explore the most talked-about dating trend today. The guide also establishes a new framework for navigating modern relationships, and the tricky new gender dynamics that impact them. Women can, and should, have it all without settling.

Print length

304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Balance
Publication date

January 23, 2018
Dimensions

6.5 x 1.25 x 9.5 inches
ISBN-10

1478920041
ISBN-13

978-1478920045
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jenna Birch is a health and lifestyle journalist. Her work appears frequently in print and online publications including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Self, Teen Vogue, Marie Claire, Psychology Today, Health, Women's Health, and Yahoo!, among many others.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Balance (January 23, 2018)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1478920041
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1478920045
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.05 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.5 x 1.25 x 9.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #752,741 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #619 in Medical Psychology of Sexuality
- #942 in Psychology & Counseling Books on Sexuality
- #1,317 in Dating (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 148 ratings

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Jenna Birch

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Jenna Birch is a longtime health and lifestyle journalist. Her work has appeared in print and online publications including Cosmopolitan, Self, Marie Claire, Psychology Today, Health, The Huffington Post, Man Repeller and Yahoo, among many others. She resides in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and THE LOVE GAP is her first book.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5

148 global ratings

5 star		70%
4 star		17%
3 star		10%
2 star		2%
1 star		1%

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Kandace A Proud

read it. recommend to friends.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 4, 2023

Verified Purchase

Honestly, have read it twice. Did so much for my mental health around dating and wondering what’s wrong with me.

Helpful

Elizabeth

Insightful Look at How to How to Have a Happy, Healthy Relationship for Today's Modern Woman

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 23, 2018

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As a smart, beautiful, successful, and sweet woman in her 30's so many people tell me I'm a total catch.

And yet, I'm single....

Which at many times has left me confused and uncertain about what's happening and how I should act in an increasingly fragmented and seemingly nonsensical dating world.

I found "The Love Gap" an incredibly insightful resource to understanding what's happening and how as a modern woman I can put myself in the best possible situation for a happy, healthy relationship. Here were a few parts of the book that I found most helpful:

1) The Male Landscape: The analysis of the societal shifts that influence how men view themselves and why we see more "not ready" for a serious relationship men for much longer periods of time--into their 30s and even 40s. Through this book, I can now more quickly discern a "ready" from a "not ready" man and skip a lot of drama.

2) The Power of Intuition: I love how through advice and most of all real-life stories, "The Love Gap," guides you on the path of trusting your gut. It's so hard when there's so much dating advice and so many opinions from others about what you should do or what should make you happy. "The Love Gap" encourages you to trust your inner knowing to discover what actually makes you happy.

3) How to Behave Authentically: One of the most powerful, actionable parts of this book is around recognizing ready, "Real Deal" men and knowing how to interact with them. What I discovered through reading this book is that a lot of dating advice is awful--it teaches you how to be fake so that you don't scare off "not ready" men. This is horrible because you're unhappy in the process and unwittingly keeping around men who will reinforce unhappiness. Talk about a recipe for paranoia and misery. Instead, "The Love Gap," encourages you to be open, honest, authentic and direct. The exact same qualities that will annoy and scare away men not ready for commitment will make you HUGELY attractive to men who are ready to commit to a quality relationship with you.

I have actually tested out the communicating authentically theory in my recent dating and the results are amazing. I completely annoy men who are unready--they unmatch me. Lol! But men who are amazing, attractive, confident, and looking for a real relationship are like, "Wow! You're incredible." Simply being myself and being completely open has brought men into my life that are a much higher caliber and truly appreciate me.

I highly encourage any single woman to check out this book. I think you'll find it encouraging and freeing and an insightful guide to how to navigate our current dating world in an authentic way.

46 people found this helpful

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C. Sun

Her book is the best friend you wish you had to help you through everything in life

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 23, 2018

Verified Purchase

I was in a relationship with a Mr. All That But the Bag Of Chips. He was, on paper, "all that." Our weekly dates were episodes of The Bachelor: private jets, operas, surprise shopping sprees with Swarovski-studded shoes, in addition to conversations about philosophy and goals and dreams and the future of humanity, sprinkled with daily I-Love-You’s. But something was missing.

I was lucky enough to get my hands on an early reader copy and Jenna’s words rang in my ears: “You are settling if you feel like you are."

I felt like I was, so, I broke up with him. I had to. I walked away from a wedding two months before the date, from two Vera Wang wedding gowns and a “nice” life to risk it all for the possibility of big love. I’m single now, and guess what? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Seriously, and this is all thanks to Jenna.

Jenna’s done the hard work so you don’t have to. She's interviewed experts and couples and read through dense social research papers to give you the digestible wisdom to live your best life. Her book isn’t a plan to help you find love; it’s a toolkit to help you be your best self, to listen to your gut—one that may have been dimmed by societal expectations or, uh, patriarchy—and to reach your full, beautiful, complex, cannot-be-eclipsed potential.

Her book is the best friend you wish you had to help you through everything in life: first dates, falling in love, engagements, breakups, job hunts, you name it. Who doesn’t want another best friend?

You need to read this book. Now. For you, for me, for women everywhere—we owe it to each other to make this moment ours, to win in life and in love.

15 people found this helpful

Helpful

D Cath

Enlightening for the younger dating woman

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 11, 2021

Verified Purchase

This book had some good concepts and tapped into research around dating and relationships, and why successful women may have a harder time finding long-term relationships. Being a little older (40s) and divorced, some of the advice or commentary didn’t really fit my place in life. But I still gained some knowledge from reading.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Rachel

So shallow - very little substance

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 27, 2018

Verified Purchase

I was really excited about this book but alas, it wasn't what I had hoped. Maybe a good read for a gal in her early 20s, but probably not for a woman in her late 20s and beyond.
Positives:
-The writing style was good - engaging and readable. The writer has a warm, approachable style.

Negatives:
-The book was fairly shallow and quite predictable. The writer crafted these five "roles" that men play in women's lives and really oversimplified the relationships. I get that there are trends out there, but I couldn't really relate to most of these. She generally classified the men as fragile, threatened creatures who couldn't date bright, successful women (except for her "real deal" character). I think men are more complex and deserve more credit than this.
-Some of the "still single women" she interviewed were 25 years old. Really? I don't think a 25 year-old girl is "still single." She's a very young woman who's just starting her adult life (perhaps three, maybe four years out of college). She's not "still" single. Dating around at that age seems totally appropriate.
-the writer's female character (who we're all supposed to relate to) "has it all together." I don't even know what that means, to be honest. It was such a shallow portrayal - at one point she said, "we aren't perfect. We do sometimes spend too much money on lipstick at Sephora" ...or something like that. Oy. I think women are a bit more complex than that, with additional flaws beyond "Sephora overdose."

I couldn't finish it. Donating this one.

49 people found this helpful

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Sally-Ann

A revelation!!!!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on December 2, 2019

Verified Purchase

This book is a revelation!!! I’m only half way through and it’s explained many things to me. I’m 48, been single for 13 years after a 5 yearlong living together relationship with a man who earned a lot less than me, hated my graduation picture being on the mantle piece and slagged my top of the range company car off, he dumped me after a 3 week holiday mainly spent talking about a business idea he’d always wanted to do, out of the blue, saying he still loved me... I thought I was supporting him, he thought I was gonna over shadow him in his venture, I know that now. I was devastated and although I’ve moved on years ago, have always felt flawed in some way, like there was something wrong with me... I haven’t had a relationship since, didn’t feel worthy... sharing your everything with someone to just be rejected like that comes sharp... guessing you know if you’re thinking of reading The Love Gap.

This book has shown me that it was not me at all... it was a lot of things too many to bang on about here, yet I am relieved, validated and have finally stopped searching for my dreaded flaw. It’s opened up some old scars though I’m finally and slowly working through them. If only this book was around 12 years ago... my regrets are huge right now but I’ll eventually find a place of peace.... thank you so much for enlightening me.. I thought I knew it all about men, relationships and emotions... how wrong I was!!!

If you’re a successful, strong independent woman in any way, shape or form and you’ve been hurt by a man without reason or explanation from him, this book will help you find the answers you were looking for. In my opinion any reader who doesn’t “get it” or appreciate this book has not been through this invisible power struggle with the male ego and got KO’d.

Wishing my fellow awesome, successful and powerful sisters much love, healing and joy with a man who is ready for your greatness ✌️

3 people found this helpful

Lisa Robertson

Fabulous

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 5, 2020

Verified Purchase

Love this book lots of aha moments and has changed my attitude towards dating!

Victoria

Great!

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on March 1, 2019

Verified Purchase

Really enjoyed this book, it explained why it doesn't work out with a lot of men and why they always seem to be dating trainwrecks - made me feel a lot better and gave me a new perspective.

Monique

Gut aufgearbeitetes Buch welches zum Verständnis für Männer beiträgt

Reviewed in Germany 🇩🇪 on January 23, 2020

Verified Purchase

Tolles Buch, einziger Knackpunkt, der Standpunkt das Frauen letztlich ein traditionelles Familienbild anstreben, wird öfters vorausgesetzt. Davon unabhängig win schöner Einblick in die Denkweise von Männern ohne diese zu kritisieren.

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Joanne authentic1010

Jenna nails it!

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on February 12, 2018

Verified Purchase

Bang on to my love situation! I really needed this explanation of my man and advice on how I should handle him and handle myself. I did a lot of highlighting.

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