Sex and the Office Hardcover – 2015

I really liked this book. A class i took at UCLA (taught by the author!) used this book and it was an easy-read and very informative. I had previous work experience and could relate to much of what was being discussed, but i think this would be an excellent read and heads-up for anybody who is about to go into the paid work force.

Very interesting. It highlights the lived realities of women in the workplace, but where do intersections of race and sexuality stand here?

A smart, insightful yet easy-to-read book about an important subject to all women in today's workplace. I highly recommend this book - well worth the purchase!

This is the most informative book on women's rights, harrassment, and male-female rrelationships in the workplace ever written. The observations by Kim take the reader to a new place. She is right on and every corporate executive, HR employees and young aspiring female needs to read this book. In fact, if I was a corporate executive I would purchase a bunch of this books, pass them around, and make it required reading. Then I would have an internal follow-up conference. Or I would invite Kim to speak at our company.

This book goes a long way to getting us all back on the right track.

Richard Hiteshew

Why is it, after so much hard work to achieve equality, that women still earn less and advance less in their chosen professions than men? The author presents some well-reasoned answers that will surprise many. While sexual harassment policies have undoubtedly eliminated some bad behavior, those policies have helped to create fear as well. Why risk trouble being friendly and helpful to junior women when a senior man can mentor another male instead? And then there's the subject of office romances (and jealousies) and how they can muddy the waters. Not to mention the difficulties surrounding men and women on business trips.

Is there a way out of such difficulties? The author reserves several chapters for outlining what organizations can do to help both men and women achieve more satisfying and helpful ways to relate. Well-researched and written in an engaging style, this book will spark new discussion on workplace dynamics.

My first impression of Sex and the Office is that it's practical above all else. You can easily scan the table of contents or index highlighting a particular dilemma and consult the text. My second impression is that Kim Elsesser presents a realistic portrayal of the various quandaries and predicaments of sexual politics. I wasn't expecting this given that the subject matter too often tends towards hyperbole.

Sex and the Office is a balanced and complete look at the pitfalls and promise of striving for sexual equality in the workplace.

This is a deeply troubling book that should be of concern to everybody; it is no wonder that workplaces can be quite toxic, unfriendly and compartmentalised. There is only so much faux jollity and engagement you can create with football tables and a nice cafeteria. Maybe it is even helping maintain, rather than abolish, discrimination between the sexes. What is the cause?; sex - the sex of one’s workers.

Despite the subject not being “new” to this reviewer, being acquired through years of business experience in several countries, regularly reading media articles plus a couple of unpleasant experiences, the book still makes shocking reading.

Women are often being held back in the workplace or must work disproportionally harder and longer to try and get on, and misogynist male bosses can’t be always blamed. The laws that created sex equality in the workplace and frown on discriminatory behaviour are creating so many problems; all due to how they are being badly applied. Yet don’t be surprised, it is big business and those involved surely don’t want to cut their income or admit that the problem is not such a problem as they claim. Not only does it hold women back, but also it can even desensitise people to real, severe cases of unequal or discriminatory treatment.

“Women are not to blame for their lack of advancement at work. The truth is, many senior male executives are reluctant to have a one-on-one meeting with a junior woman at work. They are afraid that an offhand remark will be misinterpreted as sexual harassment or that their friendliness will be mistaken for romantic interest. As a result, many male executives stick with other men, especially when it comes to dinners, drinks, late-night meetings, or business trips. When it’s time for promotions or pay raises, these same executives are more likely to show preference to the employees with whom they feel most comfortable - other men,” is a fairly strong paragraph in the book’s publicity material. Just let that soak in.

Is it sexist or over cautious to suggest that it is a good job that a female wrote this book? Is it not a little harder to shoot the messenger now? These barriers that are being created are described as a “sex partition” because it often leaves female employees without influential friends and mentors who can be critical for career success. The problem is more than a few silly boys creating a potentially “oppressive” workplace environment by having a few topless pictures in a workshop or fake macho-style behaviour in a dealing room that may be better suited to the high school football field. It is, at its lowest level, the situation whereby a male colleague believes they dare not be pleasant, social or even friendly to a female colleague in fear that it will be misinterpreted, whether by accident or by design, with their entire career possibly ruined for ever by one chance remark.

The author gives a very good scenario by way of an example that is so innocent, yet so many dare not even go there. How saddening is this? “Allen is an ambitious entry-level employee at a prestigious consulting firm and an experienced long-distance runner. A senior manager in Allen's firm, Joe, is training for his first marathon. Sharing an elevator one morning, Allen and Joe discover their common interest in running. Since Allen has been running competitively for many years, Joe is eager to hear more about his training strategies. Later that same day, Joe stops by Allen's desk and invites Allen to join him for a beer after work to discuss running. Allen agrees and, while at the pub, Joe offers Allen a tip on how to deal with a difficult client, which helps Allen gain a higher profile within the firm. A mentor relationship develops, and Joe continues to provide Allen with valuable advice and information. When a new job opportunity emerges, Joe is eager to recommend Allen. Now imagine Anita is in the elevator that morning instead of Allen. Just like Allen, Anita is an ambitious entry-level employee and an experienced long-distance runner. Are Joe and Anita as likely to uncover their common interest in running during their morning elevator ride? Probably not, but let's say they did. Is Joe as likely to ask Anita to join him for a beer after work? Again, probably not - he'd most likely feel awkward. What if Anita thinks he wants a date, or worse, what if she thinks it is sexual harassment?”

“Let's say Joe overcomes these concerns and invites Anita to join him for a beer after work to discuss training for the marathon. Unlike Allen, Anita is caught off guard, and her mind fills with questions. A beer? Is this a date? If I go, will I give him the wrong idea? Even if he does just want to discuss running, what will my co-workers think? That I'm sleeping my way to the top? And what will my boyfriend think? Anita nervously declines his invitation, providing some excuse as to why she's busy. Anita never befriends Joe and never receives the career-boosting client tip. No mentor relationship blossoms for Anita. When Allen met Joe for a beer after work, no eyebrows were raised and no questions were asked. But for Joe and Anita, the situation was much more complicated - almost not worth the effort. Situations comparable to this fictional anecdote play out in workplaces every day, and I believe they are a primary culprit in women's lack of advancement at work,” continues the author.

Of course, in a workplace environment two adults should be able to handle this; and if one of them starts to cross the line, perhaps by misreading a situation (and it could be the woman asking for a date) it could be nipped in the bud informally. You don’t need to bring the HR department and the whole apparatus of the state in here, yet even the fear of a black mark on your record, noting you down as a “equality issue” can be enough. Of course, if a supervisor or manager tries to leverage their position in return for sexual favours or more, there should be a route open to take action. A supervisor and a subordinate can have a relationship – even though it is not recommended for many reasons – but a simple “no thanks” is one thing; being pressurised at the risk of your job being in danger is clearly something else.

You do get depressed with humanity when reading this book. It is written from a U.S.-perspective although the issues exist in many British companies and this “disease” is spreading around the world.

The author points out that the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is also clear that: “…the law doesn't prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious. Harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).” Sounds simple, huh, but lawyers and other vested interests have manipulated this so often it is much easier to have the least possible interaction with a female colleague then nothing can be misinterpreted; but that can also be a risky strategy if you are reported for perceived discrimination by not involving them (“he always talks to the men in our department but as the only woman, I am isolated and cut off…”). Can you win?

Yes, this reviewer is a man! I do not downplay the problems that clear sexual discrimination can create; it can affect my wife and it could affect my daughter when she is of an age to enter the world of work. It can be controversial or risky to suggest that there cannot be a clear 50:50 division between the sexes, but in the world of work things should be on the whole more equal; so pay, conditions and treatment should be equal. They are not. Men can’t be wholly blamed for this.

It is clear that the author has had to choose strong examples to highlight the problem, yet they are not isolated issues if survey after survey show that the majority of men feel they cannot have a business-led interaction with their female colleagues due to the fear of sexual harassment issues potentially dragging them down. Here is another example: “One professor I spoke with, we'll call him Rohit (not his real name), shared with me the impact that false allegations had on him. Although the case was formally closed over a decade ago, the repercussions persisted long after. Rohit's ordeal began in a class he taught that tackled controversial issues. In the class, some female students disagreed with a classmate's viewpoint on the likelihood of false allegations of rape. The students complained to the school's sexual harassment officer, and Rohit was initially charged with creating a hostile environment for women in his class. However, after the first few months of the investigation into the hostile environment allegations, the charges escalated to rape. That's right, one of the students who claimed he created a hostile environment in class was now accusing him of raping her as well. Why didn't these charges surface at the beginning? The alleged victim thought the hostile environment charges would be ‘enough.’ Even though Rohit had alibis when these alleged rapes supposedly occurred, a university panel found him guilty. Fortunately, the university chancellor reversed the panel and dismissed the case, and Rohit won a defamation case against his accuser. It may sound like everything turned out fine. After all, Rohit was not found guilty and even won a defamation case against his accuser. But things weren't okay for Rohit, his family, his co-workers, or his female students— and more than ten years later, they're still not back to normal. Despite the verdict in his favour, people still assumed Rohit was guilty. The day of the verdict, Rohit says the local newspaper ran a piece on how the outcome (in Rohit's favor) was a travesty of justice.”

The book continues to show that if you even dare speak out against the “equality train” that is damaging workplaces you can be punished, shunned or viewed with intense suspicion, almost as if you are guilty before you’ve done anything. Is this the modern-day McCarthyism?

There are other inequalities too that are often unequally addressed such as race and age, and these are touched upon in this book too, showing how creating a fear-based workplace is rather counter-productive. Should you be in denial to the author’s claims, there is a wealth of endnotes and a bibliography, so you are able to dig deeply and consult many of the sources that have been relied upon. This book manages to serve two groups of readers well: the generalist whose eyes surely must be hanging out on stalks, irrespective of their sex, and the academic or specialist who may use this as a great foundation stone to further research and consideration.

It was a highly enjoyable, informative, open and neutral book on a subject that one rather wishes didn’t exist. In a perfect world this book wouldn’t exist because, well there wouldn’t be a problem.

As a woman, a Latina and a professional I have experienced many of the roadblocks described by Prof. Elsesser. But I never was able to put a name to it or to fit them all into a single paradigm. Prof. Elsesser's "glass partition" accomplishes that. So much of the discussion about women in the workplace is centered around "bad actors" and "bad actions" and I have certainly experienced those. But most of my experiences with what I feel disadvantages me as a woman in the workplace fall outside of a simple good vs bad paradigm. Yet I know that they affect me and my work. Prof. Elsesser has given a name to it. In addition her examples turn dry statistics into meaningful memories. Her comparison of the male boss sitting at the bar with a male coworker vs a female coworker will remain with me for a long time. Ditto for the business trips, the mentoring, the friendships and on and on. I think this book will start a conversation that will break through the ideological stereotypes and start a real discussion about how men and women can work together in a mutually supportive environment.