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The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever -- And What to Do About It Hardcover – April 17, 2018

4.6 out of 5 stars 202 ratings

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The current model of parental discipline is as outdated as a rotary phone.

Why don't our kids do what we want them to do? Parents often take the blame for misbehavior, but this obscures a broader trend: in our modern, highly connected age, children have less self-control than ever. About half of the current generation of children will develop a mood or behavioral disorder or a substance addiction by age eighteen. Contemporary kids need to learn independence and responsibility, yet our old ideas of punishments and rewards are preventing this from happening.

To stem this growing crisis of self-regulation, journalist and parenting expert Katherine Reynolds Lewis articulates what she calls The Apprenticeship Model, a new theory of discipline that centers on learning the art of self-control. Blending new scientific research and powerful individual stories of change, Lewis shows that, if we trust our children to face consequences, they will learn to adapt and moderate their own behavior. She watches as chaotic homes become peaceful, bewildered teachers see progress, and her own family grows and evolves in light of these new ideas. You'll recognize your own family in Lewis's sensitive, realistic stories, and you'll find a path to making everyone in your home more capable, kinder, and happier -- including yourself.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Katherine Lewis has written a smart, compassionate book for the 21st century parent. Forget the carrot-and-stick approach to redirecting children's' behavior. We can help our kids develop their inner motivation for behaving well - while simultaneously forging lasting family bonds - by following the wise guidance in Bad Behavior."―Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of When and Drive

"Childhood - and parenting - have radically changed in the past few decades, to the point where far more children today struggle to manage their behavior. That's the argument Katherine Reynolds Lewis makes in her new parenting book,
The Good News About Bad Behavior."―NPR

"An engaging, conversational writer, Lewis intersperses the neurological deep-dive with fly-on-the-wall reporting on families in action and examples from her parent-training group... Lewis provides a reassuring road map forward. And a little more help with the laundry won't hurt, either."―
Seattle Times

"An approach to child-rearing that allows for 'the messiness of childhood.' As children today navigate tech and social media, a changing landscape of play, and a culture more oriented to personal success than family well-being, Lewis argues that we can no longer rely on old methods of discipline such as time outs."―
KQED

"Lewis proposes ... that, instead of simply levying a punishment in the moment, parents come up with agreements with their kids and clearly define the consequences for violating them."―
Washingtonian

"Household jobs can build a child's capability, helping them practice independence and autonomy, foster connection with the family and help them become capable adults, according to
"The Good News About Bad Behavior," an insightful new book."―San Francisco Chronicle

"Lewis wrote her book in response to what she sees as a crisis of self-regulation among kids today. This, she explains, is the reason why nearly half of today's children will develop a mood disorder, behavioral disorder or substance abuse problem by age 18."―
CNN

"At a time when families are feeling pressed for time and stressed by the demands of modern living, Katherine Reynolds Lewis makes an urgent case for connection, communication and giving children space to develop their own capability. With compelling stories and research, Lewis's book is a welcome guide through the land mines of modern parenting."―
Brigid Schulte, award-winning journalist, director of TheBetter Life Lab at New America, and author of the New York Times bestsellerOverwhelmed

"Katherine Reynolds Lewis, armed with the latest behavioral science research and her eye-opening journalistic inquiry, introduces a new discipline model.... An absolute must-read for anyone raising or teaching 'difficult' children, and insightful to anyone eager to teach kids how to regulate their own behavior and ultimately thrive in society on their own."―
Julie Lythcott-Haims, New York Times bestselling authorof How to Raise an Adult and Real American

"
The Good News About Bad Behavior is the book parents and teachers need in order to understand the link between empathy and genuine, human connection to positive behavioral outcomes. Lewis explains how children's lack of self-regulation and resilience is at the root of so many modern parenting dilemmas and gives practical, useful advice for how to do better for our kids. The Good News About Bad Behavior is an important addition to my parenting and education library."―Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure

"If you hate disciplining your kids with time-outs and punishments, you're in for a treat. Instead of trying to control children, this timely book shows how you can teach them to control themselves."―
Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Giveand Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg

"With a parent's compassion and a journalist's rigor, she offers advice from the trenches while providing a realistic roadmap towards a better family life. Blending solid science and highly readable storytelling,
The Good News About Bad Behavior is sure to become a parent must-read."―Judith Warner, New York Times-bestselling author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication

"A book that is both incredibly fascinating AND insanely helpful? That's what you're holding in your hands. A great book! It is both reassuring and fantastic to know that there's a way out of bad behavior, and a very rational reason for why it exists in the first place!"―
Lenore Skenazy, president of Let Grow and author of Free-Range Kids

"Journalist and parenting coach Lewis documents a crisis seen in children of all ages. . . . plenty of practical advice . . .
The Good News About Bad Behavior is a great addition to public and academic library parenting collections."―Joyce McIntosh, Booklist

About the Author

Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning independent journalist based in the Washington, DC, area who regularly writes for the Atlantic, Fortune, USA Today's magazine group, the Washington Post, and Working Mother magazine. Lewis's byline has also appeared in Bloomberg Businessweek, MSN Money, Money, Mother Jones, the New York Times, Parade, Slate, and the Washington Post Magazine. Her work has won awards from the Society of American Business Editors and Writers, the Society of Professional Journalists, and the Chicago Headline Club.

She has received fellowships from the Carey Institute for Global Good, the National Press Foundation, the Poynter Institute, and the University of Maryland's Casey Journalism Center. Residencies include Le Moulin àef, Ragdale, and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. Her media appearances include CNN, NPR, Bloomberg television and radio, and
HuffPost Live, as well as numerous radio programs nationally and internationally. In 2008, Lewis created a website on working moms for About.com, which she ran until 2014, attracting millions of readers to the site, its blog, and a weekly newsletter. She is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ PublicAffairs; 1st edition (April 17, 2018)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1610398386
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1610398381
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.1 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.38 x 1 x 9.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 out of 5 stars 202 ratings

About the author

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Katherine Reynolds Lewis
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Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning journalist based in the Washington D.C. area whose work has appeared in The Atlantic, Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, the New York Times, Parade, Parents, Slate, the Washington Post and Working Mother. Her 2015 story for Mother Jones magazine about school discipline was the site’s most-viewed piece. Before going solo in 2008, she worked as a national correspondent for Newhouse News Service writing about money, work and family, and as a national reporter for Bloomberg News covering everything from orange crop reports and media policy to presidential campaigns. She began her career in New York City with the Bond Buyer after graduating cum laude from Harvard University with a physics degree. She and her husband Brian are the proud parents of three children.


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4.6 out of 5 stars
202 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book extremely well-researched and practical, with one review noting how it explains the latest research on parenting. Moreover, the book is engaging and thought-provoking, making it a must-read for all parents. Additionally, customers appreciate its pacing, with one review highlighting its graceful clarity.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

28 customers mention "Information quality"28 positive0 negative

Customers find the book informative and well-researched, providing practical parenting suggestions and examples.

"...I appreciate the author’s focus on research in the first portion of the book and her presentation of the material was easy to digest...." Read more

"...The author has done her research and gives plenty of examples to provide parenting suggestions to build kids independence and self control...." Read more

"...Katherine Reynolds Lewis gives a roadmap to raising children so that they have the tools necessary to control their impulses and thrive in an ever..." Read more

"...to step back and look and the situation and then using specific skills to help each child...." Read more

14 customers mention "Parenting style"14 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the parenting style of the book, with one review highlighting its research-based approach and practical perspective, while another notes its focus on building respectful relationships with children.

"...I also appreciate the author’s practical perspective. Too often we parents hear the lament: “oh, kids just don’t play outside like they used to.”..." Read more

"...Many of us struggle with parenting and how to raise polite, respectful kids who can be productive members of their families and the communities...." Read more

"...a roadmap to raising children so that they have the tools necessary to control their impulses and thrive in an ever more challenging world...." Read more

"This book did an excellent job teaching parents to step back and look and the situation and then using specific skills to help each child...." Read more

13 customers mention "Readability"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book highly readable and consider it a must-read for all parents.

"...Destined to be a go-to parenting classic, like Po Bronson's "NurtureShock" (another book I highly recommend.) Five stars for sure." Read more

"...This book was good because it does touch on a lot of the Adler tenents that so many of my colleagues and I have been trained on or read about though..." Read more

"This book is an absolute must-read for all parents...." Read more

"...Good read for parents and therapists." Read more

13 customers mention "Storytelling"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging and thought-provoking, with lots of storytelling that makes it a pleasure to read.

"This book is is well written and interesting...." Read more

"...I loved the stories that drove in the point of each strategy. There were points that I wanted more examples but overall it was fantastic!..." Read more

"...loved the way it was written in a compelling way with lots of storytelling and real-life examples. I only wish Kakki had written this book years ago...." Read more

"...books as "Positive Discipline" and it could serve as a great introduction to those who have not read them...." Read more

12 customers mention "Pacing"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's pacing, finding it compelling and readable, with one customer noting its graceful clarity.

"This book is is well written and interesting...." Read more

"...I especially loved the way it was written in a compelling way with lots of storytelling and real-life examples...." Read more

"This book is an absolute must-read for all parents. It thoughtfully and clearly lays out the research behind many of the ideas modern parents are..." Read more

"...She makes her research interesting and accessible to the reader, and there was something about her writing that made me feel as though we were on a..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on June 20, 2018
    You know, I had to take many classes to learn how to be in my profession but no one has to take a class to be a parent. And as much as I have hunted for a “how - to” manual since bringing my first child home from the hospital, I still haven’t found one. And as my children get older, this parenting gig gets harder.

    I’ve heard so much conflicting information over the years and it is becoming more difficult to parse through the data. I appreciate the author’s focus on research in the first portion of the book and her presentation of the material was easy to digest. I can see how each of the proposed methods are rooted in the research presented.

    I also appreciate the author’s practical perspective. Too often we parents hear the lament: “oh, kids just don’t play outside like they used to.” Yes, that is true. For whatever the reasons, this kind of play simply is more limited than it used to be and there’s no going back. And rather than spending time focused on the doom and gloom for the upcoming generation - this book focuses on the: “ok, now what?”

    I would recommend this book to modern parents, especially if you have a rambunctious, energetic child that doesn’t seem to respond to typical parenting responses like time outs. I would also recommend this to the other anxious parents out there who are scared they are screwing up their kids. There’s a lot of good stuff here, and like the title suggests, it’s not all bad news.
    9 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2018
    This book is is well written and interesting. The author has done her research and gives plenty of examples to provide parenting suggestions to build kids independence and self control. Many of us struggle with parenting and how to raise polite, respectful kids who can be productive members of their families and the communities. It makes one take a closer look at their parenting style. Are we really making connections with our kids, listening to them and communicating with them effectively? Are we raising them to be capable and productive adults? Katherine brings you into the lives of others to help navigate the path of parenting.
    10 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2018
    As parents of two sons and grandparents of three teenagers, we hope every parent reads this book. Katherine Reynolds Lewis gives a roadmap to raising children so that they have the tools necessary to control their impulses and thrive in an ever more challenging world. Her logical approach to child-rearing appeals to my husband as a scientist. As a lifelong educator, I especially like her structured approach focusing on connection, communication, capability, and limits + routines. Like the author, we believe that children need to experiment and to learn from both their successes and their failures. She writes, "When a child misbehaves, instead of getting angry, get curious," encouraging us to figure out what the child is trying to tell you and why. Our children will be the winners if parents read and follow this book. We highly recommend it.
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2018
    This book did an excellent job teaching parents to step back and look and the situation and then using specific skills to help each child. I loved the stories that drove in the point of each strategy. There were points that I wanted more examples but overall it was fantastic! If nothing else, this book can help you keep your cool while you figure out how to best guide your children.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2018
    Many parenting books tell you what to do. "The Good News About Bad Behavior" tells you why to do it and how, as well. Katherine Reynolds Lewis explains that it's not our imagination, kids are really worse behaved than ever. But we don't have to punish kids or set up elaborate reward systems -- we can win them over with positive and encouraging strategies. There is so much advice in this book that I can apply to the way I interact with my own four children, starting today. I especially loved the way it was written in a compelling way with lots of storytelling and real-life examples. I only wish Kakki had written this book years ago. Destined to be a go-to parenting classic, like Po Bronson's "NurtureShock" (another book I highly recommend.) Five stars for sure.
    9 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on June 3, 2018
    I'm a teacher and I've been reading more parent books to add techniques to my own classroom management and occasionally give recommendations for parents.

    This book was good because it does touch on a lot of the Adler tenents that so many of my colleagues and I have been trained on or read about though such books as "Positive Discipline" and it could serve as a great introduction to those who have not read them. It even includes some ideas at the end that could be beneficial for implementation.

    However, it was a bit a slog to get through. It's probably mostly me but some of the anecdotes were just long and fell into the trap of "Eveerything worked out for the best!" I know this is the point of books like these but it doesn't change the fact that I personally didn't think much of them. Maybe you'll arrive at a different opinon.

    Personally, I would just skip this and go to "Postivie Dicipline" by Jane Nelson if I could do it all over again but maybe lots of anecdotes are your thing. If so, this book is a good choice for you.
    26 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Judi King
    5.0 out of 5 stars That it arrived.
    Reviewed in Canada on July 1, 2018
    This book was a gift from me so I Assume it’s good- nobody said differently.
  • Sarah Jackson
    5.0 out of 5 stars Not ‘one of the many’, but useful contemporary ideas
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 20, 2019
    Good book, worth reading. Useful practical stuff.