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Judith Viorst
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Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow Kindle Edition

by Judith Viorst (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 556 ratings
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The classic New York Times bestseller about the many forms of loss we experience throughout our lives, and the necessity of letting go.

In Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst turns her considerable talents to a serious and far-reaching subject: how we grow and change through the losses that are a certain and necessary part of life. She argues persuasively that through the loss of our mothers’ protection, the loss of the impossible expectations we bring to relationships, the loss of our younger selves, and the loss of our loved ones through separation and death, we gain deeper perspective, true maturity, and fuller wisdom about life. She has written a book that is both life-affirming and life-changing. Drawing on psychoanalysis, literature, and personal experience, Necessary Losses is a philosophy for understanding and accepting a universal human experience.

“One of the most sensitive and comprehensive books about the human condition I have read in a long time.” —Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People

“Viorst has synthesized a vast amount of research into a very readable and generous whole.” —The New York Times Book Review
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  1. Print length
    450 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publisher
    Simon & Schuster
  5. Publication date
    May 8, 2010
  6. File size
    1365 KB
  7. Page Flip
    Enabled
  8. Word Wise
    Enabled
  9. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
  10. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Personal experience, great literature liberally quoted here, and study of psychoanalytic theory are combined in this far-ranging, somewhat rambling book by Redbook columnist Viorst to demonstrate that growing and aging involve a succession of conscious and unconscious losses, including the loss of youth. Citing examples, and starting with the loss of the mother-child connection, she indicates that only by learning to relinquish people, places, situations and emotions that concern us at stages of life from childhood to old age can we develop a positive identity and self-image. We must realize, she argues, that these losses are a necessary part of life and growth. A strong sense of self will help us remain positive in the face of the many physical and psychological losses of old age and to accept life's final loss that is death. Losing, Viorst concludes, is the price we pay for living.
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Viorst, poet and Redbook contributor, is also a research graduate of the Washington Psychoanalytic Institute, and has worked in psychiatric settings. Her topic is loss because everyone must cope with it throughout life: childhood ends, we recognize that our expectations are unrealistic, friends and family members die, ultimately we die. Viorst offers a competent journalistic treatment of the subject, drawing upon psychoanalytic theory, interviews, and literature, and includes notes and a bibliography. Most of what she says has been said elsewhere, especially in books on mid-life crisis. Popular collections will want to have this because Viorst is known, but readers who expect a profound or truly personal approach to the topic may be disappointed. Margaret Allen, M.L.S., West Lebanon, N.H.
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B003L77W96
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Simon & Schuster (May 8, 2010)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 8, 2010
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1365 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 450 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 556 ratings

About the author

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Judith Viorst

Judith Viorst

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Judith Viorst has written many books for children, including the classics Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and its sequels, and If I Were in Charge of the World and Other Stories. She is also the author of Just in Case, illustrated by Diana Cain Bluthenthal. She lives with her husband, Milton, in Washington D.C.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
556 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book helpful, comforting, and necessary. They also say it's well-written and accessible for the lay reader. However, some readers find it not an easy read with too much detail.

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ContentHumorReadability
46 customers mention "Content"46 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's content helpful, interesting, and compassionate. They also say it's well written, packed with factual materials, and provides the very best advice on facing life's challenges and letting go. Readers also describe the book as profoundly practical, comforting, healing, and a must-read.

"...It';s not an easy book, but it is transformative.I had to read the book a chapter at a time and then reflect on it...." Read more

"Judith Viorst is an excellent author with an amazing psychoanalytic perspective...." Read more

"...This is an extremely insightful book for either troubled times in your life or for reviewing you life and wanting to see it from a healthier more..." Read more

"...We ordered about a dozen for friends and coworkers. Profoundly practical, a little Freudian at times, but always helpful in understanding the..." Read more

3 customers mention "Humor"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's gentle humor.

"Easy to read, because the author has a lot of gentle humor to share...." Read more

"...I guess I must really like it. Smart, funny, and insightful. Still as relevant today as it was when I first read it." Read more

"Good humor and kindness, good clarity about transitions in life" Read more

28 customers mention "Readability"17 positive11 negative

Customers are mixed about the readability. Some find the book very well written for the layman, accessible, and great for everyone. Others say it's not an easy read, too technical, and overkill on explanations.

"...She is also a great writer--my favorite of her books being one for children and the adults who think like them,*Alexander and the Terrible, No Good,..." Read more

"...This is an important book on many levels. It';s not an easy book, but it is transformative...." Read more

"...I have cried through it and found it very well written for the laymen...." Read more

"...A must read for counselors and coaches." Read more

The pages …
3 Stars
The pages …
I started to read it, and the pages kept falling out. It’s a really good book but the pages don’t stay in they just come out, which is very frustrating since it is kind of a thick book! It makes me very sad because it is a very interesting read. I don’t think it’s worth the amount of money due to the pages falling out.
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Top reviews from the United States

Lorna Collins
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing Book
Reviewed in the United States on June 3, 2015
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This book was life-changing. I lost my father when I was seven and was not allowed to grieve. I read this book fifty years later, and it opened the door to all the loss I was not given permission to feel as a child. I could only read it a little at a time, but it allowed the healing I hadn't found earlier. This is an important book on many levels. It';s not an easy book, but it is transformative.
I had to read the book a chapter at a time and then reflect on it. I survived quite a bit of loss from the time I was a very small child, and this book helped me to understand the impact of that loss. One or two chapters opened up very deep emotions. I spent one weekend in bed sobbing after reading one. nevertheless, I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with loss or abandonment issues. It was wonderfully insightful and helped me deal with issues too long buried.
58 people found this helpful
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Sheryl Burnside
5.0 out of 5 stars Puts Experiencing Dysfunctional Relationships into Perspective
Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2021
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Judith Viorst is an excellent author with an amazing psychoanalytic perspective.

She really puts the experience of having a damaging/dysfunctioning parent, partner, sibling, friend, and YOU into perspective.

Different marriage dynamics, a “mismatch” in neonate/parent temperament, parents with inappropriate boundaries, parents who would rather set their children on fire than be burdened with raising them, spouses who require constant doting and validation but feel a deep betrayal when asked to reciprocate…

It’s all here, plus so much more. Highly recommend!
17 people found this helpful
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Susan in Skokie
5.0 out of 5 stars A timeless classic for every age
Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2015
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I first came across Judith Viorst's *Necessary Losses* when it first came out in 1986. I was a 26 year old first year MSW student in a clinical program, and took away from the book, which made a great impression upon me, that it was about how friendships change, that there are different friends for different times and places--and that is how I referred to the book for years. Just last year I reread it as a 57 year old who, disillusioned and ready for something new, had long ago left the profession of social work. I was reminded that Viorst's writing is informed by her psychoanalytic training but exudes the warmth and passion that characterize the very best therapists no matter what their theoretical foundation. She is also a great writer--my favorite of her books being one for children and the adults who think like them,*Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*-- and in no way felt outdated when I reread the book in 2014. This time, however, the parts that stood out for me were about aging and navigating the inevitable losses that go with a time of life unimaginable to my younger self but all too real for who I am now. And that, to me, makes this book a classic, fresh and new at whatever age you happen to be when you read it.
122 people found this helpful
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Sojourner
4.0 out of 5 stars Needs revision
Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2023
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This book is absolutely fabulous....until it gets to the part about aging, when it becomes clear the author is writing about a stage of life she has not yet experienced. Her section on sexuality in the senior years is all too brief, and doesn't acknowledge or go into the fact that the mechanics of sex change in later years, and how one approaches those changes, and how the concepts of intimacy and physical closeness undergo shifts. I hope she will revise this book to address these things, which she is now old enough to have experienced herself.
7 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Just for You Alone💜
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2023
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Read all of this author's books, and keep these near, so you may read areas of each book that will keep mentally healthy 👍
2 people found this helpful
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Toya Lee
5.0 out of 5 stars Love
Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2023
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Great book
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Kiqueen97
3.0 out of 5 stars The pages …
Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2023
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The media could not be loaded.
 I started to read it, and the pages kept falling out. It’s a really good book but the pages don’t stay in they just come out, which is very frustrating since it is kind of a thick book! It makes me very sad because it is a very interesting read. I don’t think it’s worth the amount of money due to the pages falling out.
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Kiqueen97
3.0 out of 5 stars The pages …
Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2023
I started to read it, and the pages kept falling out. It’s a really good book but the pages don’t stay in they just come out, which is very frustrating since it is kind of a thick book! It makes me very sad because it is a very interesting read. I don’t think it’s worth the amount of money due to the pages falling out.
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One person found this helpful
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Debra A. Katz
5.0 out of 5 stars Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst
Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2005
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I haven't finished the book yet, but I find that after five years of intensive therapy I have finally found a self-help book that has helped me with a breakthrough which I have been unable to make. I have cried through it and found it very well written for the laymen. To think I used to love her children's books, especially, "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good awful day". She knows from whence she speaks and has helped me to realize that life is full of losses from the moment we are born. It is how we are taught to deal with them that enables us to become as well adjusted adults as we can be. It isn't just about people who have died, it is about living with losses through separation, from child to adult; losses of periods of our lives, losses of joy, or even emotions. I can't say much more. My therapist, who is excellent, told me I was ready to read the book, and I was and still am. And I love being able to cry and mourn the losses that I always thought were silly to feel anything about.
80 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Marcond de Marchi
5.0 out of 5 stars Classic
Reviewed in Brazil on March 3, 2021
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This classic book is a must-read.
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Reinhard
5.0 out of 5 stars Eins der wichtigsten Bücher meines Lebens.
Reviewed in Germany on May 28, 2021
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Ich habe dieses Buch in Deutsch gelesen als Geschenk meines besten Freundes, und ich habe seine Lektüre nie bereut (jenes deutsche Buch ist 40 Jahre her). - Ich lese es heute am interessiertesten von dem Kapitel "Ich werde alt - ich werde alt" an, und ich gewinne daran so wie vor 40 Jahren. Ich bin nicht eigentlich Freudianer, aber diese zutiefst menschliche Umsetzung der Lehre hat mir immer geholfen. Es ist sicherlich eins der am meisten gelesenen Bücher von mir, deshalb habe ich es mir als Kindle-Version gekauft: hier kann man das Buch nicht zerlesen.
One person found this helpful
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Jaz KC
5.0 out of 5 stars It makes you think
Reviewed in Canada on August 3, 2018
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This book makes you think and reflect on your own life, your own losses and the way you may handle future losses. It is not a self help book in my opinion, it is a thoughtful book and I really enjoyed it.
2 people found this helpful
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Dr Geetanjali Reddy
1.0 out of 5 stars Bad
Reviewed in India on October 21, 2018
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Bad book
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Creutz
3.0 out of 5 stars A ameliorer
Reviewed in France on March 8, 2018
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Bonjour
Le papier du livre est trop fin.
Et rend la lecture moins ergonomique

Bonne journee
Bien a vous
David Creutz
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