Men Explain Things to Me Kindle Edition

I bought this book for my brother-in-law shortly after my sister gave birth to a daughter. I thought it would be a fun “Hey, you have a daughter, this might be a good thing to start thinking about”-type gift. And so he didn’t feel totally alone while reading it, I bought myself a copy as well.

Solnit is clearly a powerful mind and talented writer. Her prose is strong and forceful, and she writes with stirring— at times contagious—- conviction. The book’s most powerful essays (“Men Explain Things To Me” and “#YesAllWomen”) are intelligent, clear-sighted looks at a massive, difficult, dangerous topic. It’s saddens me to applaud Solnit for her courage in writing this, if only because that acknowledges the typical backlash against women who speak out against misogyny, but she IS courageous and that alone warrants commendation.

The book starts out with a funny, almost playful anecdote about being mansplained to by a pompous idiot at a party in Aspen, but then quickly moves into darker waters. Solnit goes on to use politics, art, history and new media as springboards for discussing the interconnectedness of cultural misogyny and how mansplaining and rape can be viewed as existing on a continuum. Towards the end of the book she summarizes this nicely: “It’s a slippery slope. That’s why we need to address the slope, rather than compartmentalizing the varieties of misogyny and dealing with them separately.” (p. 134) It’s a new way of looking at an ancient problem, articulated in a way that I don’t think I’ve heard before, and Solnit rounds out her case by anticipating counter arguments (i.e. men being falsely imprisoned for rape) and responding to them to the degree that they deserve.

So here’s the part where I complain: While her arguments are culturally important and her writing is strong, Solnit’s rhetoric seems, at times, deliberately hyperbolic and meant to divide readers. On pg. 57 she describes the case of Ariel Castro, a man accused of imprisoning, torturing and sexually abusing three women as being “a vicious version of the traditional [marriage] arrangement.” Later on in the book (p. 153) she takes a similar swipe at capitalism: “There’s more that we need to be liberated from… a system that serves environmental destruction and limitless consumption…” And beyond that there’s a general celebration of revolution, (non-violent) anarchy, as well as Solnit’s insistence that this is, indeed, “a war.” In other words, if you’re traditional / conservative / old-fashioned, then chances are you’re probably going to feel pretty alienated while reading this, if not all out attacked. I don’t consider myself conservative, but there were still times when I felt myself getting defensive. With that said, I was less annoyed with this on ideological terms than I was by what felt like a tactical mis-step. Simply put: This is a wise book. This is an important book. A lot of people should be reading it and absorbing it's message. And I could suddenly feel thousands of readers— good people who’s minds are ready to be expanded— fleeing from it’s very positive message, because they were being lumped in with rapists and murderers. I was frustrated because I felt like the book was preaching to the choir and, in-so-doing, entrenching conservatives deeper into their current belief systems.

One could argue that this book isn't intended to convert and so it's unfair to judge it by those standards; that it’s a celebration and reminder of what’s already been accomplished in the fight for gender equality, and that now it’s up to someone else to write the gentler, more palatable book that eases The Other Side into progressive thinking. And you know what— that may very well be the case. In the meantime, I encourage conservative thinkers who are interested in reading this to do so with an open mind instead of just looking for things to disagree with. Because the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of what’s discussed in this book really has nothing to do with superficial left / right politics and everything to do with how we want our nieces/daughters to be treated as they grow up in the world. And that feels like something we can all agree on.

Written to the point and to the heart of the matter. Don't explain things to me that I understand better than you and don't tell me to smile. These seem like small things, but follow the thread. They are significant parts of a much larger picture. I have said these words for YEARS and it's nice to read someone else's thoughts that echo my own. Highly recommended reading for young women who weren't around when this fight began. Perspective is everything in finding our path forward.

I grew up in the 50's and so have lived through the last 60 years of the ongoing struggle for equality, equal rights and equal pay--and the every day ongoing struggle simply to be treated as a human being with free will. And, of course, beyond the equality issue, there's always the inherent danger involved simply because you are born female. I was continually warned and told what I could do, what I could wear and where I could go. I lived in a 3rd World country as an adolescent, and believe me, we young women paid attention to the advice to "dress like a lady" "don't go out after dark alone" "don't meet anyone's eyes" etc. etc. Being female, for much of my life, has been been like having, through no fault of my own, a target painted on my back. Long story short, this book connects a whole lot of dots, with a clear-eyed glance through history and from there into the realities of the present, where not much below the surface gloss has changed. Everyone with a HS or college age girl -- or boy, for that matter - should purchase a copy of this fierce, beautifully written, TRUE book and then preach on the text. In 149 pages, Ms. Solnit turns my gaze toward a better, more honest future in which both sexes can claim power and respect.

In a series of six essays, Solnit explores the current state of relations between men and women, not just in the US, but throughout the world. It's not pretty. The title essay, in which Solnit describes an encounter with a blowhard who fails to realize that she is, in fact, the author of the book he's recommending to her, is wryly funny. But many of the others, which deal with violence against women, are anything but. From the gang-rape, torture, and murder of Jyoti Singh in Delhi, to a campus policeman advising co-eds not to behave like sluts if they don't want to be raped, the accounts are horrifying, infuriating, and depressing because rape culture feels systemic and unchangeable. 

Solnit is incisive, angry, necessarily harsh in her judgment of the kind of societies which protect the criminal and blame the victim, and rightly so.  She gives us a clear understanding of how harassment, abuse, rape, and murder of women are always about men needing to take power over women. At bottom, this is bullying taken to savage extremes.

Many men (and some women) are quick to say #notallmen, and that's true, but it also blunts the point. Good men exist, allies exist, but even they can perpetuate stereotypes, and use misogynistic language that empowers the harassers and abusers. In truth, the issues are so tangled, and there's so much to unpack about women's issues, rape, gun violence (yes even that) and so much more that six essays barely begins to cover the territory.  Rather they are starting points for deeper discussions.

This was a nearly unbearable read, coming on the heels of Gentlemen's Agreement, a novel about anti-semitism and prejudice in general. Yes, things are better; Solnit shows us that, and we can see it too, if we look.  But they're far from being right.  We have a long way to go on all fronts.

"This should remind us that violence is first of all authoritarian. It begins with this premise: I have the right to control you." -- Rebecca Solnit