Although this books intended audience is women, I can attest that as a non-binary sex educator it was not only inclusive, but provided insight that can be without a doubt useful to anyone. I appreciated the author naming that in the preface and points made about trans women as women, in addition to her introduction with her pronouns to normalize sharing pronouns even if you are not trans. I love how open the author is to feedback and acknowledgement of her creative process as a journey that will evolve in the same way we humans do. The recognition of her privilege and the land that was stolen also signaled to me that this is a person willing to back up her words with action--a rare find in many white authors I have read.
Joli is one of the clearest communicators I have ever had the privilege of learning from. Her words are concise and manageable, while she is still able to hold complex ideas and theories. That being said, while some of the passages feel like they ended abruptly--only because I’m so invested in the words I’m not ready for the chapter to stop. It was very helpful to end with key takeaways to round out each chapter.
The assessments read like well organized brief homework assignments that are easy to manage. However, some of the names in the anecdotes weren’t really introduced and that was a little distracting - Sage, Michelle, Sandra, Caden - so be prepared for lots of examples in scenarios that may feel a little separate from the story at first but makes its way back to the main point masterfully, I left with so many great quotes to remind myself to be more self-aware.
She speaks a lot about her own experience so if that works for you it should be helpful. I also loved the personal touch she included, I loved that she designed wedding gowns for a living! There were some really validating statements rooted in personal values of my own.
One teensy segment I disagreed with from a sex education perspective, I think it’s important to note that in the sex chapter, consent should not be an option in defining sex. Sex without consent is rape. Providing the option to leave consent out of the sexual experience suggests that it’s appropriate to make consent optional. It reinforces the narrative that people should not ALWAYS get consent from all parties before engaging in sex. This was less a matter of value differences but rather a teaching moment.
You’re presented with a lot of opportunities to learn new information; I especially appreciated the section on the origin of the word taboo, as well as the interchangeable language about partnerships vs. relationships, which comes across as much more expansive.
None of the activities are scary! Most of them seem pretty basic from my perspective BUT would definitely be useful to someone struggling with intimacy or connecting with their own sexual pleasure.
There was a point made in the 10th chapter that actually resonated on a level I had not been able to fully reframe until she’d provided some much needed perspective. To receive that kind of therapy has made reading this book so worth it. Thank you so much for doing this work.
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