Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families: Paul, Pamela: 9780805077452: Amazon.com: Books

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Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families Hardcover – September 8, 2005

by Pamela Paul (Author)

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"Strips porn of its culture-war claptrap . . . Pornified may stand as a Kinsey Report for our time."--San Francisco Chronicle
Porn in America is everywhere--not just in cybersex and Playboy but in popular video games, advice columns, and reality television shows, and on the bestseller lists. Even more striking, as porn has become affordable, accessible, and anonymous, it has become increasingly acceptable--and a big part of the personal lives of many men and women.
In this controversial and critically acclaimed book, Pamela Paul argues that as porn becomes more pervasive, it is destroying our marriages and families as well as distorting our children's ideas of sex and sexuality. Based on more than one hundred interviews and a nationally representative poll, Pornified exposes how porn has infiltrated our lives, from the wife agonizing over the late-night hours her husband spends on porn Web sites to the parents stunned to learn their twelve-year-old son has seen a hardcore porn film.
Pornified is an insightful, shocking, and important investigation into the costs and consequences of pornography for our families and our culture.

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Print length

320 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Times Books
Publication date

September 8, 2005
Dimensions

6.28 x 1.16 x 9.48 inches
ISBN-10

0805077456
ISBN-13

978-0805077452
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Having already carved out a major niche among 20-to-30-somethings with The Starter Marriage, Paul takes on another bane of postfeminism: the Internet-enabled "all pornography, all the time" mentality of many younger men and its ripple effect on the culture. For this pornograph, Paul interviewed more than 100 people—80 of them young, straight men. Some findings are predictable: porn allows men "to enjoy the fantasy of endless variety," but can distract men from their partners, detract from their sexual skills and harm relationships. More valuably, Paul finds women caught under new forms of social pressure—from men and women—not to disdain porn: to do so, now, is (among other things) to be seen as limiting women's sexual self-expression. Paul also sees porn seeping ever sooner into preteen life and sensibly observes that there's no reason for porn to be limitless on the Net when it's regulated elsewhere. Still, a critique that aims to avoid religious conservatism's invocation of sin and radical feminism's emphasis on civil rights violations can get fuzzy. Like Potter Stewart ("I know it when I see it"), Paul can't always distinguish sex-related art from pornography other than on a case-by-case basis; things get especially thorny regarding the torture and pain that, she asserts, "many, perhaps most men, find alluring." She ends up arguing that pornography, like alcohol or cigarettes, should be "discouraged," and proposes an effort by the government and private sector to quell consumer demand. Paul's outlines and analyses can seem simplistic, and her prose rarely rises above the level of the Time magazine feature on which the book is based. But she covers a lot of territory, and there's plenty to unnerve the knee-jerk "free speech" crowd. This will be a major watercooler book this season.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

It's beyond argument that pornography in America today has achieved a certain respectability: think of porn star Ron Jeremy's reputation in the 1980s and his reputation today. Paul details how the ubiquity of pornography impacts our personal lives. She discusses studies on the subject--in one, 77 percent of respondents said they had looked at pornography at least once in a 30-day period--and shares interviews with many who watch it regularly. Paul's analysis is wide-ranging: why men look at porn and how porn affects them, how women see pornography, how porn affects sexual relationships, the effects of porn on children. If Paul is far less polemical than, say, Andrea Dworkin, her book reveals a sadness about it all, reflected in one user's comment: "I don't see how any male who likes porn can think actual sex is better, at least if it involves all the crap that comes with having a real live female in your life." Certain to generate discussion, as did Paul's previous book, The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony (2002). Alan Moores
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

"Pornified is rife with tales of Americans experiencing a new level of sexual pathos, filled with snapshots of surreptitious lives: it is as compelling as it is troubling. A provocative book, sure to stir debate and reflection."--Margaret Talbot, senior fellow, New American Foundation, and staff writer, The New Yorker

"Pamela Paul convincingly and sometimes shockingly details the effects on men, women, and children living in a 'pornified' world. Her book should be a wake-up call for parents and should change the way we view--and rationalize viewing--pornography today. As Paul makes clear, porn is not 'cool,' or 'liberating,' or basically benign. It is a poison eroding relationships between men and women and darkening our children's horizons."--Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness

"This is a quietly forceful book. It helps everyone--from libertarian to moralist--by offering a common ground from which to proceed: pornography is one more alienating product of a consumer culture, and in some ways a particularly lonely one. By definition it is selfish. That doesn't mean it needs to be banned; it does mean we need to think about what it's doing to each of us, and to our shared society."--Bill McKibben, author of The End of Nature and Enough

"Pornified is rife with the tales of Americans experiencing a new level of sexual pathos, filled with snapshots of surreptitious lives: it is as compelling as it is troubling. A provocative book, sure to stir debate and reflection."
-- Alissa Quart, author of Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers "A sharp rebuke to porn's glamorization."--Los Angeles Times Book Review
"An alarming, thought-provoking overview of today's cyber-sexual society."--The Seattle Times

"Pamela Paul sets out to scare readers about the effects of pornography on American society, and she succeeds mightily."--St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Pornified statistics:
The Pornified Man
• Preoccupied. Men look at pornography more than they look at any other subject online.
• Dissatisfied. Less than a third of men say pornography improves their sex lives, yet many find themselves getting pulled into harder and harder pornography to keep the initial buzz going.
The Pornified Woman
• Reshaped. Six out of ten women state that pornography affects how men expect them to look and behave (and four in ten men agree).
• Betrayed. One-third of women see men using pornography as cheating in absolutely all cases.
The Pornified Couple
• Distant. Nearly half of women describe fallout
in relationships because of pornography; only one-third of men say the same thing. Couples describe a breakdown in closeness and a growing absence of trust.
• Broken. Of the sudden rise in divorces related to the
Internet, more than half were the result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.
The Pornified Family
• Exposed. Among eighteen-to-twenty-four-year-olds, who came of age with Internet pornography, more than half say it’s hard to go online without seeing porn. Eleven million Internet pornography users are under the age of eighteen.
• Sexed up. A quarter of adults believe that the greatest effect porn is having on kids is it’s making kids more likely to have sex earlier than they might have.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Times Books; First Edition Stated (September 8, 2005)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0805077456
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0805077452
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.35 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.28 x 1.16 x 9.48 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #931,949 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #142 in Study of Pornography
- #4,311 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #8,889 in Parenting (Books)

Customer Reviews:
120

About the author

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Pamela Paul

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Pamela Paul is the editor of The New York Times Book Review, which she joined as the children's books editor in 2011, and oversees books coverage at The New York Times, where she hosts the weekly Book Review podcast.

She is the author of seven books: ” The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony” was named one of the best books of 2002 by The Washington Post; her second book, “Pornified,” was named one of the best books of 2005 by The San Francisco Chronicle. She is also the author of “Parenting, Inc.”, “By the Book: Writers on Literature and the Literary Life from The New York Times Book Review,” “My Life with Bob: Flawed Heroine Keeps Book of Books, Plot Ensues" and most recently, “How to Raise a Reader,” co-written with Maria Russo. Her first picture book for children, "Rectangle Time," came out in February 2021.

Paul's next book, "100 Things We've Lost to the Internet," will be published by Crown on October 26th, 2021 (and can be preordered now!).

Paul has been a contributor to Time magazine and The Economist, and a columnist for The New York Times Sunday Styles section and Worth magazine. Her work has also appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, The New York Times Magazine, The Economist, Vogue, and other publications.

You can follow Paul on Twitter @PamelaPaulNYT and on Instagram @PamelaPaul2018.

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5

120 global ratings

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Isaac G. New Jersey

An Excellent Fast-Paced Read!!

Reviewed in the United States on December 22, 2020

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This was a fast paced enlightening read. This is not some sort of academic book dictating theories of the way porn is affecting our generation, but instead Pamela Paul did it the hard way, the old fashioned way. She took to the streets and sat down to have extended conversation with the average porn users and their families. There was nothing to hide, because all the information was said anonamysly, and what it reveals, although clearly subtle, is enough to give one major pause.
Another important feature about the individuals that had been interviewed was that they were by and large people that believed in what they were doing was somehow ok. These were not the victims of porn, these were real live consumers, in the process of their consumption.
Each interview starts with the subject justifying their activities, and as the discussion progresses, some unwanted side effects slowly begin to emerge.
Paul does a really good job taking in the information without any seeming bias or predisposition throughout most of the book. It is only in the final chapter that she comes out with a conclusion of the clear harm that she has witnessed.
I was thoroughly engaged throughout the very long discovery of this book, I very often could not put it down. Pamela Paul worked very hard on this book and as far as I am concerned, there is truly a lot to be gained from it.

3 people found this helpful

Good work, but missing a vital piece

Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2005

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Pornified is a helpful addition to the debate on pornography. The book's strength is bringing the harms that pornography can do to men and heterosexual relationships to the forefront, rather than relying on the usual arguments that often focus on harm to children and or the morality argument. Paul is to be applauded for producing a very readable and interesting book that may get people talking about the issue and seeing it in new ways.

However, what I found unconscionable about the book is that Paul mentions Catherine MacKinnon and the late Andrea Dworkin only in passing on a single page. Nowhere does she outline their extensive and important writings. She does not fully appreciate radical feminists' long-time opposition to pornography, but rather regurgitates old, tired augments used again the radical feminist position, that is, that they "ignore anyone who rejects the idea that all women are victims and that all sex is rape" (p. 259). These criticisms are untrue and shallow. Paul did not do her homework

These inaccuracies undermine the work as Paul fails to clearly outline the nuances of the radical feminist position, which is well-documented, and then goes on to champion a harms-based opposition to pornography that was the hallmark of MacKinnon's and Dworkin's work. Paul does not seem to realize that she is standing on the shoulders of the women who came before her. Or if a feminist can use a sports metaphor, Paul started on third base, but mistakenly believes she hit a home run.

I do think this book is important and represents some good work. I would recommend it. It would be a great, though unexpected, choice for women's books clubs across the nation. (If there are men's books clubs, I would highly recommend it to them as well). However, it is hard to overlook her trivializing and marginalizing the work of the women who came before her.

28 people found this helpful

Brilliant solution to the free-speech conundrum

Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2007

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Ms. Paul feels that the debate about porn in the civic arena is stuck in the 1970s, oblivious to the rapidly deteriorating landscape around us. Most Americans now view pornography on a regular basis, and most of those viewers do not consider Playboy to be porn. Clearly something wild is afoot, something akin to a social earthquake or a drug epidemic.

Porn today is far more intense, far more accessible, far more violent, and, yes, far more chauvinistic than anything we've had before, and we as a society are in denial. Pornography is now cool, and nobody dares transgress almighty cool. Somehow porn has progressed from the domain of dark-sunglasses-and trenchcoat-wearing loners to movie stars and A-list entertainers. Today it is cool for the male mind to gorge on the objectification of women, and decidedly uncool for women to complain.

Paul's solution - "censure not censor" is a good one. For reasons from free speech to globalism in commerce, any large-scale prohibition of pornography is highly unlikely to have an impact on production or consumption. What is really needed, Paul argues, is good old-fashioned shame. As a culture we can regress in our crudeness. It has happened before.

48 people found this helpful

Reviewed in the United States on June 28, 2007

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I read this book in the midst of a relationship with a man who has a problem with pornography. I initially bought it, thinking it might give me some insight into the problems we were having but I had no idea how profoundly it would change how I saw every area of my life. After reading this book non-stop for two days, I felt like I had been living in a fun house for the past 10 years and had only now realized it. In the parts of the book where it talks about relationships, I saw my relationship with my boyfriend for the first time. I felt like the blinders had been taken off of me, and all the things that had always bothered me about our relationship started to make sense.

I am not surprised that many men are defensive and angry about this book - that was the same response I got from my boyfriend when I told him what I was learning.

I broke up with my boyfriend soon after reading this book. This book has changed my life, and I thank Pamela for writing it.

35 people found this helpful

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H. Akande

Important read on the pornification of western culture

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 10, 2021

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In this controversial and critically acclaimed book, Pamela Paul argues that porn is destroying modern marriages and distorting ideas about sex and intimacy. Based on over 100 interviews and extensive research, "Pornified" exposes how porn has infiltrated our lives, from the wife agonizing over the late-night hours her husband spends on porn sites to parents stunned to learn their young son has seen a hardcore porn film. .

The author explores how porn affects men and their relationships with women. On the side effects of porn, a 28 year old male consumer said, "I used to view porn online, but I began to find it more difficult to stay aroused when having sex with a real woman." Others said porn affected their perceptions of women and caused performance problems. Paul found that porn affects all types of men. She also attempts to address some of the prevailing myths about porn, such as:

• "All men look at porn"
• "Porn is harmless"
• "Only scumbags look at porn"
• "If we women want to be naked and be proud of our bodies, what's the problem? We're in control, and it's our choice."

Some statistics from the book:
• 70% of 18-24 year olds visit a porn site in a typical month.
• Only 28% of men said pornography improved their sex life.
• 6 in 10 women believe that pornography affects how men expect them to look and behave.
• At least half of men in Christian churches struggle with pornography.

The pornification of American culture has reshaped entertainment, advertising, fashion and popular culture, according to Paul. She cites research indicating that porn has damaging affects on the brain and social skills. Paul recounts the various views of porn, from those who consider it a form of humiliation and degradation of women to those who say it is sex-positive and liberating. Paul argues that porn damages relationships and interactions between men and women personally, professionally, and socially, as well as making women feel inferior and cheated. This is a provocative but important read.

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One person found this helpful

Kindle Customer

Wonderfully researched

Reviewed in Canada on July 21, 2019

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This is a masterpiece eye opener for all and sundry. Porn has infested the society like a plaque. It’s about time people know it’s impact on society

One person found this helpful

Riccardo Sabatino

analisi attenta

Reviewed in Italy on July 1, 2014

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analizza il problema da vari punti di vista senza preconcetti e anche nelle sue componenti politiche ed economiche. Molto ben fatto anche perchè il discorso si dipana con le esperienze concrete di un buon numero di persone

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Kashaf I.

Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on January 14, 2015

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good book from a social perspective.

boiled_elephant

Lucid and insightful

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 29, 2007

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Pornified is exactly what it claims to be: a dissection of how porn is damaging lives, relationships and families. However, whereas most authors on this topic write lengthy prose full of opinion and lacking context, Pamela Paul goes straight to the root of porn - its users - and explores how we, they, everybody thinks about it.

Porn being such a taboo, hearing the views of so many different kinds of people on this sordid subject is very enlightening. Paul systematically reveals why men use porn, how women feel about it, why the actors do what they do, and the consequences for all.

Her writing is succinct and professional, interspersed with direct quotes, and each page feels more like a thesis or a report than - as is often the case - an editorial. On any other subject, this approach would be boring, but such a matter-of-fact analysis of something as controvertial as porn is fascinating.

Highly recommended to any seeking a better understanding of this new, underhand side of modern life: just as Paul consults people from all walks in the book, so the book is accessible to people from all walks.

23 people found this helpful

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