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The Alphabet Of Manliness Hardcover – June 1, 2006

by
Maddox (Author)
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Maddox (Author), Angelo Vildasol (Illustrator), Bryan Douglas (Illustrator)
4.4 out of 5 stars 362 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 204 pages
  • Publisher: Citadel Press; First Printing edition (May 30, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 080652720X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0806527208
  • Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 0.9 x 8.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (362 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #723,330 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsAmazon reports that this book will be the only one not rated with stars.
By Javin007 on June 2, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I have to be honest, here. I've read Maddox's website for years, and have long respected him for not giving in to the temptation to make money from his site with pop-ups, banners, etc. My sole purpose for having purchased this book was to support him financially for the years of entertainment he has provided millions for free.

Then the book arrived... While still in the box from Amazon, the woman that delivered it grew a full beard and back hair just in the time it took her to carry it to my doorstep. By the time I got to page three, my testicles had stretch marks. At this point, I was afraid, and would have put the book down except that I knew doing so would have instantly reduced me to a sniveling girly-boy. By the time I finished the book, I had grown 8 inches, and not taller.

I was once a computer programmer that spent my days in a cubicle. After reading the book, I walked into my place of work (I didn't even use the door, just walked through the brick wall) and smashed many faces and headbutted many a uterus, and am now the CEO of the company. I don't even work anymore. I just told them I was CEO, and nobody had enough testosterone to say otherwise.

This book will change your life. Merely looking at the book in person will cause hair growth in places you didn't know hair could grow. Actually opening it will saturate you with testosterone. It is not recommended that you allow your wife near the book, as the book itself will have its way with her.

This is my third copy I'm buying today. Every man in my family must have a copy, or I can no longer call them a man.

-Javin
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5.0 out of 5 starsP is for Perfect.
By Yossarian VINE VOICE on June 19, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Remember the old Mortal Kombat games, where one could perfectly maul one's opponent and receive a "Flawless Victory"? That is how I envision Maddox standing over the smoking ruin that is the NY Times Bestseller list, laid waste by the ultimate precision that is his Alphabet of Manliness.

Maddox himself is well-known as an Internet legend, latter-day pirate, and scourge of poseurs. However, absolutely no familiarity with his online work or workings is required to appreciate the glory of this novel (although if you haven't seen his website, you should start there to build up the soul callouses needed to survive this book in the likely event that you are not nearly man - or woman - enough to handle it). This book stands in its own right as simultaneously parody, truth, and a ringing indictment of all things pathetic, tame, and child-proofed in our modern world. Indeed, I can only assume Maddox and his team of lumberjacks personally went out and killed the very trees whose flesh makes up this book.

As with all types of perfection, singing this book's praises is much easier than imagining what it is missing. I cannot think of a single thing. Everything from precise instructions on the proper drop-kick to the ring on Chuck Norris' finger to a depiction of beef jerky using a chaingun on vegetables is here for your consumption. What more could you want? Or, more importantly, what more could you possibly deserve? Nothing.

Buy the book. Roar in hilarity at its uncensored mayhem. At least if you don't like it, it'll give you something to do on your one-way flight back to France.
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5.0 out of 5 starsFan since 2000
By Sherrasama on June 3, 2006
Format: Hardcover
It was so manly, it made my balls drop...

and I'm a girl.
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5.0 out of 5 starsThe Alphabet of excellence, err manliness...
By Amazon Customer on June 1, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
As soon as I learned the book was coming, I knew I had to buy it. I was expecting the same comedic genius no-holds-barred inflammatory, caustic, and mordantly cynical observations that he is infamous for on his "Best page in the universe" site. I was not disappointed. Just the cover alone, with the Tarzan-like he-man punching a gorilla in the face is absurdly hilarious enough to crack me up. That cover is brilliant!, and that folks,...is uber-macho! I'd love a wall poster of the cover.

By the time I got to the letter "C" the book had already paid for itself. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I have read every kind of humor novel and magazine I could get a hold of. This book is not the gentle Barry-esque humor, nor Buchwald, nor anyone else. It is 100% Maddox. Be prepared for the ultimate crotch-bomb collection of in-your-face manly-man balls of steel parody. This is one of the most flat-out hilarious books in the history of the written word. If you are easily offended, or too dense to see what he has done here and get mad about it, you need to get a thicker skin. Don't bother getting your panties in a bunch by reading this book, it's far too masculine for you. I recommend that you stick with the gentle musings of Dave Berry or Erma Bombeck.

To make a small distinction, I viewed Maddox as more a literary Viking than a pirate. Pirates steal and plunder. Vikings discover and conquer. There is nothing stolen about this book. It's a trailblazer, and I hope to see more books from Maddox. I am waiting for the day that he branches out into other media. This is just the beginning of his meteoric rise to fame and yes, fortune. At risk of inflating his apparently frail self-esteem (ummm...right!) I'd say that he is a genius, and that this is the best humor in the universe.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsAwesome

Loved the book I highly recommend it to anyone who likes Maddox's humor

Published 1 month ago by MetalHead
5.0 out of 5 starsBad Ass Book

Great work. Love Maddox.

Published 1 month ago by Anthony
5.0 out of 5 starsMust have guide for Manliness !

We've been a fan of Maddox for years. Loved his "I am better than your kids" book that grades children's art. Absolutely hysterical !! Read more

Published 1 month ago by JB
5.0 out of 5 starsGreat read!

As immature as it is mature, I mean, intelligent and manly. A fun read for Maddox followers or fans.

Published 2 months ago by Taz
5.0 out of 5 starsPerfect for some bathroom reading

Bought this as a stocking stuffer for some of the men in my life. This is a hilarious comedy spoof about manly things. Perfect for some bathroom reading. Read more

Published 3 months ago by Heather A.
4.0 out of 5 starsFour Stars

Macho-riffic

Published 3 months ago by Allen Montgomery
4.0 out of 5 starsGreat toilet read.

Good gag gift for a male friend or open minded woman, but reading a dictionary can only be taken in small doses.

Published 3 months ago by JozefAZ
3.0 out of 5 starsThree Stars

Not as funny as I expected

Published 5 months ago by Adam S.
5.0 out of 5 starsBA

BA this book kicks so much buttocks

Published 5 months ago by Jacob B.
5.0 out of 5 starsChuck Rules!

I love being un-pc and gave this book to my nephew (age 15) to help him not veer towards becoming a "snow flake". Read more

Published 5 months ago by FTG

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