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Joshua Harris

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance Paperback – April 1, 1997

by Joshua Harris (Author), Rebecca St. James (Foreword)

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Countless teens today feel depressed or discouraged because they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Many single Christians feel frustrated with culture's expectations and patterns of dating. Youth pastors and parents find themselves dealing with young adults who fall into sexual temptation or spend more energy on dating than on following God. I Kissed Dating Goodbye offers an all-new approach to dating relationships, calling young adults away from playing the dating game and revealing how they can live a lifestyle of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness. Honest and practical, this powerful book will inspire teens and young adults to remap their romantic lives in the light of God's Word. Not just a book of theory, I Kissed Dating Goodbye includes healthy challenges to today's cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

Print length

238 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Multnomah Books
Publication date

April 1, 1997
Dimensions

5.19 x 0.69 x 8.25 inches
ISBN-10

1576730360
ISBN-13

978-1576730362
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly

About the Author

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Multnomah Books; Later Printing edition (April 1, 1997)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 238 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1576730360
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1576730362
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.19 x 0.69 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #172,636 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #669 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #761 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #1,063 in Love & Romance (Books)

Customer Reviews:
312 ratings

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Joshua Harris

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After a period of reevaluation, Joshua Harris announced that he no longer agreed with the central argument of his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and that it would no longer be published. He apologized to those who were hurt by its ideas. Read the full statement:

https://joshharris.com/statement/

Customer reviews

5 star		71%
4 star		14%
3 star		5%
2 star		3%
1 star		7%

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Journey_K

Best suited for a clueless 14 year old virgin

Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2015

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This book is written for a very young person... I'd say 14- 17. I am over 30 and I found the constant little stories about abstinence or why sex was such a bad idea, terribly annoying. You know those people who always have a story that aligns (in their view, not yours) with something you are about to do. Here's an example. Imagine you are at work. You ball up a piece of paper and walk towards the main wastepaper bin. You have a choice: Choice A: Throw the paper in the trash can, where it will go to a landfill and million of years later (or maybe thousands of years later) it will decompose because it is PAPER, a natural product, after all. Choice B: Walk across the office and put the balled up paper in the recycling. You know that you should recycle it-- but you already BALLED it up. Now the paper won't sit just right in the recycling bin. What do you do???

Here comes a Joshua Harris type. "Say listen, friend. I see you have a choice. It's a difficult choice. Put the paper in the trash. That's the easy choice or walk across the office holding the balled up paper in your hand. If you choose to put it in the trash you will regret it. You will regret it every moment of your long life. You will regret it like you regret losing your virginity. Each time you write on paper. Each time you make a mistake on paper. Each time you consider balling up paper and throwing it out, you will return to this moment. The moment when you had a choice. Friend, make the right choice. Walk across the office and recycle that paper."

If I were to respond... "But, it's already balled up..."

A Joshua Harris type employee would respond, "Yes. But the decision hasn't been made. It is still the sum of it's parts. It is still a piece of paper. It still has a higher purpose. It can become a million and one things if you just give it a chance. Are you ashamed of balling it up? Don't be. Walk that piece of paper across the office. Raise it high above your head. Be proud. Matter of fact, take that piece of paper back to your desk-- put it in a place of honor. Know that you made a choice to allow it to live a life of purpose."

I would walk back to my desk, bemused... I'd roll that piece of paper on my desk... a bumpy roll, back and forth, and then when the Joshua Harris type stopped looking, I'd toss it into the small trashcan under my desk. Soon to be forgotten. Like the feelings from first time sex. Like the feelings from second time sex. Like the feelings you (might remember) from when you had sex in the past. Those people exist, existed-- those memories were made, but they are wholly irrelevant because the person you choose to be with, the person you are with right now is your life (or as much of your life as you want them to be).

That's how I live. I suspect that's how most people live. Losing or keeping virginity isn't about living or not living a life of purpose. It is a choice made in a life well lived. Writers like Joshua Harris advise people that the only way to live a 'happy' life is to follow a certain prescription or path. Doubtless, it's a 'safe' path... I just prefer not to evaluate all my choices, small or significant with a nagging person on my shoulder telling me how important it is to refrain from something EVERYONE on the planet does. Just saying.

13 people found this helpful

Helpful

B.Crutch

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2022

great book!

..Changed my mind completely, definately doable...

Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2001

Verified Purchase

I have to admit, I orginally viewed myself as a "victim" of this book. I was dating this girl, who was reading this book, and it ended for reasons that at the time that were unknown and confusing to me. I've since heard others talk about the book, and how great it was, and hated it even more. I, of all people, hate dating more than anything, but for lack of a resonable and realistic alternative, have stuck to it. I bought this book to debunk the whole idea of it, and give me a better reference to argue my point against the "I kissed dating goodbye" theme. Looking at the back cover and seeing the young, good looking author, who might have been a Backstreet boy fueled my anger even more. I figured it would be easy to tear apart. I've gotta say though, by the end of the third chapter I was repenting :) I think it's really impossible to explain this book to some one in a few short paragraphs, you really just have to read it for yourself. It's realistic, it's honest, and Josh makes alot of great points. I realize I owe that girl an apology. I think any young men and women who love the Lord could really benefit from this book, and save yourself a lot of pain and frustration. My $.02

9 people found this helpful

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Vincent

Best book ever for Christian teenager

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2019

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Despite the fact or false rumour that something happened to writer.
I personally recommend this book for christian parent or christian teenager who is finding him/her self in searching for life partner. I bought it again after mine lost 23 years ago.
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NIV : for youth reader remember this verse always in your mind. It does not mean you are young age cannot become mature Christian, praised to Lord😃
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”‬‬

Helpful

Dennis K.

People may not like the title but the book is solid. Read with an open mind.

Reviewed in the United States on November 14, 2013

Verified Purchase

In an age where our dating culture is broken
There needs to be some truth spoken
that love isn't just some game to be played
but rather commitments and a new way must be made

I really like this book for younger folks who aren't ready for marriage at the moment. The author does a good job to help the reader redefine what dating ought to look like (it should instead of being a recreational thing, to be courtship) and he cites Biblical sources to back up his notion of purity in this area. Of course this book doesn't teach "don't get married" or "don't date before marriage" but rather it offers a challenging question to dare to stop dating until you're ready for marriage and to find something special in the meantime, deeper relationships with the same gender, and honoring God.

Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2001

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This book is very good, I am still in my first and so far only dating relationship, which has lasted 3 1/2 years. I remember listening to Joshua on the radio one day and became interested in what he had to say. I didn't even know he had books. I ordered both of the books, but am currently finishing up the first one I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I decided to read it to my b/f so he would understand where I am coming from . . . at first he was skeptical and was ready to fight, but all he could do was agree with what he said. Now even my sister (younger sister, 16) is interested in it and was also prepared to disagree with it. I think Josh's idea was good and I really enjoy reading his books.

6 people found this helpful

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Krenee

A confirmation from God!

Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2011

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I absolutely, %100 positively loved this book. In the back of my mind for years, I always felt there has got to be another way of what society considers the "norm" in dating. I prayed and prayed, and asked God to show me what to do. I finally found this book, and it has confirmed every feeling I've ever felt, it has given me comfort that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank you Joshua Harris for allowing God to use you.

One person found this helpful

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Patti Gray

Glorify God in relationships. Be blessed.

Reviewed in the United States on July 12, 2019

Verified Purchase

This goes right to the heart! Knowledge is power! Be informed and make right decisions or at least make informed ones.

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