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The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother? Paperback – March 10, 2005

4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 7 ratings

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The media, from Dr. Phil to the New York Times Magazine, is adamant that there is no love lost between working parents and those who stay home with their children, each fighting an ideological and economic war based on what they think is best for their children. Yet in reality, as Miriam Peskowitz powerfully discloses, parents don’t want to fight one another at all; they simply want more options. Moreover, the very sides in this debate don’t exist: one third of all mothers work part-time, falling in the vast abyss between full-time careerist and at-home mommy. How does the corporate climate in America force women to claim either a career or a family at any given time? Are the choices women are making—to either adjust careers, "carousel" in and out of the workplace, or quit altogether—really choices at all? And how do we expand the definition of productive worker to include an engaged parent? These questions and more are answered and explored in this moving and convincing treatise on the new-century collision between work and mothering.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

An original book, with an interesting, well-substantiated argument on every page. A strong contribution to an important, ongoing debate. -- Kirkus Reviews

About the Author

Miriam Peskowitz is the author of Spinning Fantasies: Rabbis, Gender, and History and coeditor of Judaism Since Gender. Currently a part-time professor of Rabbinics at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College, Peskowitz lives in Philadelphia with her family.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Seal Press; Illustrated edition (March 10, 2005)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1580051294
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1580051293
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.63 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 7 ratings

About the author

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Miriam Peskowitz
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Miriam Peskowitz, PhD, is the author of Code Like a Girl (2019), as well as The Daring Book for Girls series, The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars, and several academic books. To write Code Like a Girl, she learned how to code so she could explain the process to everyone in clear language and with a welcoming vibe. When not writing or coding, she likes to tinker, and is the mother of two daughters and a rescued pit bull named Wiggles. More at codelikeagirl.book and mpeskowitz.com.

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
7 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2005
A really good, thoughtful, well-written book. I don't know why it hasn't been reviewed anywhere in the mainstream media, when Judith Warner's book (which I haven't read yet, so no comparisons) is all over the place.

Peskowitz looks at SAH moms, moms who work PT, and WOH moms, and every permutation of work/childcare and "sequencing" you can imagine. She examines the stereotypes, politcal manipulation, media & marketing, and what women (and some men) really do, and how women's "personal choices" (as in "opting out") may actually be better described as being "squeezed out" by culture, companies, and just the time crunch that being a parent entails. She looks at feminism's role in this and in motherhood.

This book was a huge breath of common sense. Peskowitz doesn't rant, she doesn't tell gut-wrenching personal stories (or especially hilarious ones), and she doesn't over-simplify the issues. Maybe that's why it hasn't been a big hit? It's too reasonable? I don't know.

One thing lacking: an index. There are good footnotes, and you can tell that her statements are backed up by fact (and you can check the facts yourself via the footnotes), but an index would help you when you think, hmm, what did she say about FMLA (the Family Medical Leave Act)? What chapter was that in again?

Here's one of my favorite quotes: "With the kids interrupting and needing attention, who can finish a setence, let along organize a piece of a revolution?" (p. 173).
Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2007
This book is somewhat thought provoking, but quickly redundant. The theory that working moms and stay at home moms are at war felt artificial and the resources used to support that this war is going on seemed either unbelievable to me or that I must be missing something. In real life, while there is guilt and mixed feelings about being one or the other, I don't see this as a huge struggle for women. We don't have time to be at war with each other, being a mother is hard and we are all trying to work it. Any attempt to make this a war seems media driven, and I imagine this book feeds from this drama, although again, I haven't seen this to be a huge issue. But then again, I don't watch talk shows, so maybe I'm missing something.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2005
Forget the much-hyped "Perfect Madness," this is the book that should be on the cover of Newsweek.

Miriam Peskowitz expertly weaves together research, analysis, personal stories and her own thoughtful insights to paint a picture of a nation of women hungry for the social change needed to end the "working mom vs stay at home mom" debate once and for all.

This is a must read for anyone interested in the zeitgeist of modern motherhood.

Katie Allison Granju

Author, "Attachment Parenting"

[...]
15 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2005
Skip "Perfect Madness" and read this instead. Peskowitz has researched her topic thoroughly, and it shows in this thoughtful, important book. After reading this book and "Perfect Madness," I was puzzled that "The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars" has received comparatively little media attention. Unlike Warner, Peskowitz analyzes how cultural attitudes about parenting and the ideal worker affect mothers in all socioeconomic classes - and she does so with style and grace.
11 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2006
The author offers an enlightening and readable mix of solid academic research, personal experience, and feminist manifesto. She rejects the Mommy Wars as a media invention designed to sell insecure mothers more stuff, and suggests that our society needs to make changes that reflect a real commitment to the work of parenting: offer more high-quality part-time work, more gender parity in childrearing, and more awareness that the "choices" parents make are limited by economic and social pressures. An excellent book.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2005
In this spring full of "Madness", Miriam Peskowitz brings much needed sanity to a thinking woman's discussion of motherhood. "The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars" is full of intelligence and compassion. Peskowitz did thorough research and interviewed a wide variety of women to paint a complete portrait of modern-day American motherhood with all its problems and joys. I especially appreciated her discussion of the sociology of motherhood, and the related issues of politics and the future direction of feminism.
8 people found this helpful
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