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I'm not over 40 and childless for no reason either. As a guy, my baby-desiring clock however ticks intermittently at best, although it does tick, and as Holly suggested to me, guys who want children will benefit from knowing about IVF.
Holly is an extraordinary writer, generous with her story (her triumphs and her insecurities), compassionate and open. Admittedly, my gender will never undergo an invasive procedure to save eggs, and on the top of my "to read" list is not a book on reproductive issues. (I read this book though, on my iPhone, in one sitting.) Yes, a tremendous amount of information is provided and you will be forever better prepared to cheer, console, sympathize and empathize with the women (and their partners, families and friends) in your life who choose IVF.
What I found most compelling is the under-theme -- Holly has risked everything for love. Yes, she could foster and/or adopt (if we read this book solely as a tactical manual on getting to motherhood). And yes, she could spend her dollars elsewhere. And in about two sentences I can summarize why, for guys, "over 40" + "fatherhood" is a dimming prospect.
This book is about a journey, a victim-less one, and having the balls (or as Danica Patrick remarked, the ovaries) to follow your passions, and how hard it can be to do so. I was inspired by the story. Whether he is a Lucas (or a Lucy), IVF, donor egg, foster, adopted, god-mothered or special-aunted, a child today (or a pre-person tomorrow) can count on having a courageous role model in his/her life.
My wife and I used IVF and we had healthy identical twins, first try. But we were lucky. For many others it's a lot harder, and Holly Finn's book lays bare the personal side of this process. We were both very healthy and didn't have much experience with the health care system before this, but we were pretty surprised by how invasive the whole process is.
One of the most important lessons for younger people thinking about kids is not to assume that medical technology will fix it for you no matter how long you wait (true for both males and females, the world is now learning).. And even if it works for you, it's still a very hard process, so don't discount the difficulties of going this route. IVF isn't for sissies, that's for sure. It's magical when it works, but never easy.
Another lesson is to make sure your IVF doctor really knows his/her stuff. If you are a difficult case, find the best doctor you can. Don't go with practitioners who are just average, because time's a wasting and a lot of this treatment regimen is based on the doctor's judgment, not on massive double blind studies. Many of the drugs are prescribed "off label", which is legal as long as a doctor does it, but it's really a judgment call by the doctor.
You need to do your homework--ask about success rates for IVF practices you are considering, and ask about success rates for people with health issues like yours, not just on average. If you don't like what you hear when you ask these perfectly legitimate questions, then go elsewhere.
Finn's book is a great window onto the challenge of IVF. I think men and women in their twenties and thirties should read it so they can be fully informed about their reproductive choices, now and in the future. My wife and I had no idea how challenging the process would be until we went through it. You can learn by reading instead. Another helpful book on the more technical aspects of this process is Expecting Miracles: On the Path of Hope from Infertility to Parenthood by Christo Zouves.
Having gone through 2 years of infertility hell, I empathize with Holly. I hope in the end she has the baby she wants. I'm glad that she hasn't given up hope, but also glad she hasn't ended her story. I'm not going to say whether my ending was "happy" with children or not... She is spot on about this society's inability to deal with infertilty. The worst hell for me was the sugar-coated things people said to me to make themselves feel better. First, there is the advice: take a vacation, take aspirin every day, meditate, rest, acupuncture....Then there were all the happy endings, when people tell you about their sister's friend's cousin who had IVF and she has triplets, or this lovely couple who got pregnant right after adopting a child. If someone ever has the courage to talk about her trials with infertility, simply acknowledge her pain. Not every story ends with a baby as Holly's statistics confirm. Read this book.
Holly Finn's "The Baby Chase" is engaging, informative, honest, and so big-hearted. Whether you're a parent or a hopeful parent-to-be, you will love this story. Finn's epic, often hilarious, journey through IVF land will keep you transfixed. But this isn't just one woman's story. Finn highlights the social and economic issues related to infertility--in particular, the problems associated with the long-term trend of having children later in life. She also addresses the high cost of IVF and makes the case for legislation that makes fertility treatments more available to everyone who needs it. Finn is an unflappable IVF heroine. By the end, you'll be rooting not just for her but for all women and men going through this ultimate labor of love.
In vitro fertilization is "intensive, invasive, and long." The author knows all the things she has done wrong. She knows at forty, she is late to the dance. But she is determined to have a child. This account is an accurate, non- self pitying discushion of the procedure undertaken by millions of women. I have been there, and this story tells the tale well. Plus I do like her as well. As women for any reason come to find that the dream of motherhood is fleeting, this is one option pursued. This Single tells an important tale well worth reading.
![The Baby Chase: An Adventure in Fertility (Kindle Single) by [Finn, Holly]](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41Ts1PrFBjL._SY346_.jpg)
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