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I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido Hardcover – January 23, 2007

by Joan Sewell (Author)

37 customer reviews

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“If I had a choice between having sex and reading a good book, the book wins. I notice I put in the adjective ‘good’—and that leaves me wondering if I’m not trying to put a better face on things. I still want people to read this and think, ‘Well, of course. If it’s a good book.’ But my boyfriend—the man I would eventually marry—would take even bad sex over a good book.”

--From I’d Rather Eat Chocolate

Joan is hardly ever in the mood. Kip is always in the mood. Does that sound like any couple you know?

Joan Sewell is a funny, brave new writer who dares to reveal that sex in her house does not look anything like the sex you see in movies. When she learns that her husband, Kip, would have sex five or six times a week if he could have as much sex as he wanted (compared to her once or twice a month), Joan decides she’d better pluck up her sex drive before she ends up on the fast track to divorce court. I’d Rather Eat Chocolate is the witty, provocative chronicle of her search for a lift to her libido and what happens when none of the expert advice works.

First she tries sexy underwear—until her husband realizes she is cheating on her thongs by wearing cotton panties. Then she reads that for stressed-out wives, a husband who does housework is the ultimate aphrodisiac—until she realizes that she is actually the slob in the relationship and the mess hasn’t decreased Kip’s sex drive any. When she reads John Gray’s advice to women to offer “quickies” if their husbands want sex and they are not in the mood, Joan realizes that this is the ultimate male trump card so she can never again say no to sex. Her fantasies begin to involve smothering John Gray with a pillow.

Joan Sewell is scrappy, fearless, and hilarious, the “I Love Lucy” of low libido. Her memoir is laugh-out-loud funny. But it has a serious vein, too. How Joan and Kip work it out, and what they do when they “do it,” will give every woman hope that she can be true to herself and have a happy marriage.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Sewell understood that a huge inequality existed between her and her husband, Kip, in their levels of sexual drive. With humor, she recounts her journey to reconciling this disparity, creating along the way an ad hoc social commentary on the way both men and women look at sex. Sewell consults many experts: marriage counselors, relationship experts, sexperts, women's magazines and Oprah. Sewell determines that much of the advice is based on the ideals of men, and she finds that many ideals of the prosex feminist revolution have morphed to focus on male desires rather than women's liberties. This first-time author disagrees that women should live by such standards and sets out to prove that a healthy relationship can be had despite vastly differing levels of desire. And while it isn't an easy journey (a fight over porn and a time of separate beds are just some of the hurdles), the love and openness of their marriage allows Joan and Kip to reach a conclusion by which they are both satisfied—sexually and emotionally. Honest and accessible, this is not just a guide for libido-impaired individuals, but for anyone who wants to take a closer look at one subject that continues to gap the genders. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

In the sex-frequency wars, an authentically fresh new voice has arrived.”
— Atlantic Monthly

“The best part of this intelligent book is how Sewell subtly frames her sexual issues within modern culture, from Sex and the City to Girls Gone Wild to pornography and lap dances.” –USA Today

“Amid all the cheesy surveys and hand-wringing talk shows . . . a bright spot in the discussion of lackadaisical libidos.”
—Salon.com

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Product details

Hardcover: 224 pages
Publisher: Crown Archetype; 1 edition (January 23, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0767922670
ISBN-13: 978-0767922678
Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.8 x 8.6 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 37 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,189,883 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #577 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Sexual Health > Women's Sexual Health
- #5624 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Sexual Health > General
- #7275 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Sexuality

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Tatiana Kerick

This is more like a collective experience of general frustration from low libido ...

December 5, 2016

Verified Purchase

This is more like a collective experience of general frustration from low libido and an cultural over-saturation of sexualized women (wether empowering or chauvinistic). Conclusions of possible solutions are discussed, but not emphasized on entirely. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading this book, its very informative and has a great perspective that I would have never thought of. But the issues pointed out throughout this book are specific and contextual issues to the author, its a great comparison if you were experiencing a low libido in the exact way the author is. But if you're not, its leaves you a rather unfulfilled and more frustrated with an overly sexual culture.
Where the author seems to have a bad taste in her mouth regarding sexuality from a pop-culture perspective (Sex in the city, Victoria's secret kind of stuff). It's a struggle to continue when you're experiences are deeper then the pop-cultural phenomenons of how can <SITC character here> just keep going? or I found my bf's porn stash, its over.
In a way, I felt rather guilty reading this because sex doesn't bother me, or make me uncomfortable. BDSM and fetishes make me feel hopefully that I just haven't found the right kinks yet.
Porn is a problem, I'm glad the author took the time to discuss that, but at the same time.. it shouldn't be a guilt trip.

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A Permanent Solution for Low Libido?

December 17, 2010

Verified Purchase

I purchased "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate" because it sounded funny and I needed a good laugh. I don't actually have problems with my libido and so didn't realize that is what the book was mostly about. Still it was an interesting look into the mind of someone who feels almost no desire for sex at all.

This is only a problem because the author pretends to like sex and now she is stuck with a man who expects a little action now and then. I must say that I rarely feel that people should get a divorce but Kip and Joan seem very mismatched. A woman in her situation should have perhaps become a nun, however she still seems to desire male companionship and enjoys snuggling and normal affection.

The entire book is really one long story about how a woman with very little desire tries to find ways to increase her desire - almost like an experiment that goes horribly wrong. You will feel sorry for both Kip and Joan but also realize that they do seem to love each other enough to work with what is available.

It seems the only reason Joan tries to save her marriage is because she doesn't want her husband to find someone else. Unfortunately he does become attracted to a neighbor which makes Jane especially angry. After all she is trying to meet Kip's needs in every way possible all while not really enjoying herself. Could this be the real problem? Kip obviously needs to be wanted. However some of her ideas about men being oversexed did make sense. Although if you have ever had an increase in your testosterone levels as a woman you will suddenly realize what men go through on a consistent basis.

Perhaps this is really what is wrong - Jane just needs a tiny bit of testosterone. She obviously loves her husband on a deeper level. I hope Kip and Joan have found happiness but I was left feeling that Joan was the one giving in and Kip was getting all the benefits. I'm not sure that this book will help women with low libido. It will make them feel understood but it really offers no permanent solutions.

~The Rebecca Review

One person found this helpful2 people found this helpful

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Jessica C.

Helpful, personal, and a delightful read.

September 2, 2011

Verified Purchase

I quite enjoyed Mrs. Sewell's book. I was confused at how the other reviews pegged her as an overbearing woman, as I did not see any references to her judging her husband because of his interest in pornography per previous reviews. Overall, I think Sewell's message is thus: here's what worked for me, and while it may not work for you, at least now you can actually SEE the bias, the underlying messages, and the expectations that we unknowingly operate under in our society. I did not find her to be judgmental, nor to be suggesting that she had found the end-all, be-all solution to everyone's lack of a sex life. I think it was brave and helpful of her to say, hey - this is my story. Perhaps this will help you on your own road to repairing the "missing link" to intimacy, etc. Every relationship is different, and I found nothing in the book that gave me the impression that Sewell thinks otherwise.

Overall, if you want some validation for WHY you don't want sex as often as your partner, if you want ideas from someone who has gone through it personally, and/or you enjoy humor and good-natured investigations into Why We Are The Way We Are, I recommend this book.

Also, I recommend that you also see a doctor, because there ARE some medical explanations for low libido. Regardless, medical issues or not, it is a reality, and there is something you can do about it, if you'd like. Thanks go to Mrs. Sewell for helping bring that fact further into the light.

2 people found this helpful3 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

Not what I expected

April 19, 2016

Verified Purchase

I was excited to read the first half of this book. I felt like I could totally relate with the author and her struggles. About 2/3 of the way in, I was getting worried that there wouldn't be any practical advice. Well... there wasn't. Ok, there was ONE thing. But if I spend money on a book like this, I assume there will be more than one helpful suggestion. Because, of course, I couldn't relate with the one thing. It was an interesting book and easy read, but I wasn't buying it just to enjoy on a rainy day.

Also, *not that it was advertised as such in anyway*, but it's definitely not a story modeling Christian lifestyle, if that matters to you.

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Rada Lankina

Book review

March 9, 2007

Verified Purchase

I lost patience for the author after few pages. She comes accross as quite a selfish and self-absorbed woman. And I think she makes too big a deal of the issue.

11 people found this helpful12 people found this helpful

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