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Fun Book, Great Gift and its All About Ninjas☑️ The Stuff We Use

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Robert Hamburger

REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book Paperback – July 1, 2004

by Robert Hamburger (Author)

289 ratings

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Dear Stupid Idiots,

A lot of you have been saying that I don’t know anything about REAL ninjas. But that’s a bunch of bull crap! You dummies don’t know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some “code of honor.” Yeah right! If by “code of honor,” you mean “code to flip out and go nuts for absolutely no reason at all even if it means that people might think you are totally insane or sweet,” then you are right. But if you mean a “code to be nice and speak nicely while sharing and not cutting off heads,” then you’re the biggest idiot ever!!!!!! So if you have any brains, you will shut up and get a life. So go shut up, you stupid idiot.

No thank you,

Robert Hamburger

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Print length

192 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Citadel
Publication date

July 1, 2004
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.6 x 8.24 inches
ISBN-10

080652569X
ISBN-13

978-0806525693

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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Citadel
Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 1, 2004
Edition ‏ : ‎ Later Printing
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 192 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 080652569X
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0806525693
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.24 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #363,435 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #940 in Popular Culture in Social Sciences
- #2,912 in Fiction Satire
- #3,457 in Short Stories Anthologies
Customer Reviews:
289 ratings

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Robert Hamburger

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Customer reviews

289 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book funny and entertaining, with one noting its humorous approach to ninjas. Moreover, the book receives positive feedback for its authenticity, with one customer describing it as a factual history of the ninjas. However, the pacing receives mixed reactions, with some finding it seriously depressing. Additionally, several customers express disappointment, noting that the content has nothing to do with ninjas.

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Humor Entertainment value Authenticity Pacing Ninjas

30 customers mention "Humor"23 positive7 negative

Customers find the book humorous, describing it as funny as hell, with one customer noting its very humorous approach to ninjas.

"The best book I have ever read in my LIFE. Hilarious, things worth joking about years later...." Read more

"...It is hilarious and clear that the offer but a great deal of time into writing it...." Read more

"Probably one of my favorite books. If you need a good laugh I recommend reading it. Buy a copy for yourself and one for a friend." Read more

"...part of you that laughs at people when they fall down, etc... It's silly humor, nothing more...." Read more

10 customers mention "Entertainment value"9 positive1 negative

Customers find the book entertaining and funny, with one mentioning it's a great mocking treatise on everything ninja.

"...Honestly this is one of the funniest books I have ever laid my hands upon. It is just so goofy you can't help but laugh...." Read more

"This book is entertaining to the same part of you that laughs at people when they fall down, etc... It's silly humor, nothing more...." Read more

"I read this book cover to cover. That was a mistake. This book is a lot of fun, but don't read it all at once or the joke gets repetitive." Read more

"...I found the content very interesting, but it focuses too much on the lifestyle of the ninjas and not enough on their actual technique...." Read more

3 customers mention "Authenticity"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the authenticity of the book, with one mentioning it provides true history of the ninjas.

"For real and it's a funny book too. Akso check out The Ninja Handbook." Read more

"...even went to Japan, and I own a Samuri sword and I KNOW this is the real stuff...." Read more

"Finally, a true and factual book on the pure awesomeness of being a ninja...." Read more

6 customers mention "Pacing"1 positive5 negative

Customers find the pacing of the book seriously depressing.

"...Very dark story and WAY too much talk about sex." Read more

"...If Robert Hamburger were a real kid, this book would be seriously depressing and shocking to somebody with enough sense to read between the lines -..." Read more

"...Read deeper into the character’s reality, and it’s one of saddest books you’ll read." Read more

"...At times this theme was so overpowering that the book started getting depressing...." Read more

4 customers mention "Ninjas"1 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed feelings about the ninja content in the book, with several noting it has nothing to do with ninjas, while one customer finds it inappropriate.

"...It tackled my neighbor and scared my dog so bad he peed on the kitchen floor. Luckily I had my blow dart gun near by...." Read more

"Warning: This book has nothing to do with real ninjas. If you can't take a joke, this book ain't for you...." Read more

"...This book is the danger zone. You must read it to make your life complete." Read more

"...This book is really inappropriate!", I knew I was in trouble...." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

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John Conner
Wittgenstein Power
Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2008
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

With REAL ULTIMATE POWER, Robert Hamburger has written a great mocking treatise on everything Ninja, using the topic to pick apart the freaky passions of the pre, or near, pubescent male in western society. Of course, this is assuming that "Hamburger" is indeed a pen name; if not, an explanation using intentional fallacy must come into play... The epitome of satire is being named among those one satirizes, thus with the current moniker of "Frat-Lit," it seems Hamburger has completed his mission. Will he rest among the great satirists such as Swift, Dryden, Twain, Orwell, or even Groening? Perhaps not. Yet while Robert Hamburger may be young in years, he is no child, and there should be a regarded place for his work. And a great work it is. It is too easy to "after-the-fact" pick apart the banal aspects of REAL ULTIMATE POWER; much harder to find the deeper meaning among the interstices.

Then again, I've not laughed out loud as much during a reading in many years. This may be a sign of a personal lack of taste, or perhaps even an indictment of low art. However, the astute reader will surely find the value hidden in this work.

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6 people found this helpful

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M. Van Den Bosch
I was soooo pumped I almost committed Seppuku
Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2004
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
This book had my PUMPED UP all the time. In fact I got so pumped reading this book that I had to go chill out and get a baby carrot out of the freezer. I can't believe all the great stuff I learned from this book. I learned how to fly, how to turn invisible, how to battle Vikings, Pirates, Moms, and sometimes baby sitters. If a viking ever tries to mess with me again, take it from me and Robert Hamburger...he would get a huge surprise, how about a six foot boner uppercut?!?

Oh man, and if a Pirate came onto land and tried to take away one of my many hot babes using his stupid lasers....I'd probably scratch his eyes out or shoot some bio-slime at his crotch. Then I'd haul out my guitar and WAIL...HARD while I porked some totally hot babes.

This book is only for those who are willing to get totally pumped, so if you are a stupid idiot you should not buy this book. It also helps if you've gone through puberty...it's not required but it is bragable. I would recommend this book to all my friends who are as cool as ninjas and who want to pop like a million boners....AND WOULDN'T EVEN THINK TWICE ABOUT IT!

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11 people found this helpful

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S. Kochel
This is no joke!
Reviewed in the United States on October 13, 2005
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Some people read this book and/or the reviews and think this book is a joke, but it's not. I dated a Japanese girl for 2 years and even went to Japan, and I own a Samuri sword and I KNOW this is the real stuff. Nothing could better prepare you for fighting pirates or your mother than this book, not even playing Tenchu! Buy this book, yes it's funny, really really funny, but it's not true that training to be a ninja has to be hard work, the training is fun and sweet! Don't be scared, it's because wimps like you who don't buy this book which makes us have such a ninja shortage today, which is why ninjas get paid so much. Remember, you can learn about, or even be a real ninja if you buy this book and, of course, can you think of a better way to get girls? Shadow Warrior Sam

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13 people found this helpful

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Joseph J. Truncale
A goofy, silly and humorous book for anyone interested in becoming an awesome ninja.
Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2020
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Finally, a true and factual book on the pure awesomeness of being a ninja. If you are a cool and awesome 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12 years old this is a must book to study when you have 5 or 10 minutes time to learn how to become a true ninja. In fact, your teachers may insist you do a book report on it. OOPS, I forgot real ninjas have no use for school and school teachers according to the expert writer in this awesome book. In fact, according to this awesome volume you may be retarded if you desire to become anything other than a ninja.

When I saw this 193 page black soft cover book (Real Ultimate Power: The official ninja book by Robert Hamburger) I knew it was going to be super cool man. The author begins explaining why he wrote this book on ninjas (because they are so awesome) and he moves on to some other awesome topics like: Part 1: Who are these guys and what’s their problem? Part 2: The real history of the ninjas (which will just blow your mind). Part 3: Ninjas every day: (about their super powers, ninja fantasies, romance and the ninjas). Part 4: Welcome to my dojo! (Joining a clan, becoming a ninja and ninja kicks are covered in this awesome section). Don’t forget to read the appendix and exhibits section which has a super cool glossary and of course there is also an awesome quiz to make sure you have learned everything in this complete guide to ninjas.

The awesome thing about being a ninja is you do not need to attend a regular school to learn reading, writing and math. Those subjects are retarded according to this book. Just find a ninja master to train with to learn everything you need to become a super cool (and of course AWESOME) ninja.

In conclusion, this very humorous approach to ninjas made me laugh enough I just had to give it 4 stars. So get pumped up and prepare for a goofy, ironic and crazy ninja read.
Rating: 4 Stars. Joseph J. Truncale (Author: Martial Art and Warrior Haiku and Senryu).

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2 people found this helpful

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Alex Kenemer
Hilarious yet tragic
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2024
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
On the surface it’s one of the funniest books you’ll read. Read deeper into the character’s reality, and it’s one of saddest books you’ll read.

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2 people found this helpful

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Joe
Open with caution. High speed ninja stars nearly cut my ear off!!!
Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2015
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
When I opened the box I almost lost an eye. This book popped out with a flying kick and went through a concrete wall. It tackled my neighbor and scared my dog so bad he peed on the kitchen floor. Luckily I had my blow dart gun near by. One quick needle tipped with a sedative and it was down long enough to put it into submission.

Seriously though. This book is hilarious. Just look at the Amazon preview. If you are looking for an actual training guide look for something else. I need to run now. I think it heard me call it funny.

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9 people found this helpful

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Rekcuf
NinjaNinjaNinjaNinjaNinjas and Total Awsomeness
Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2012
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Robert is either has a mental problem or he is a natural born comic genius my vote is genius. A book about a young child and his love of the Total Awsomeness that of the ninja. I had to put the book down and come back latter because I couldn't breath from laughing so hard.You want a good laugh and have a good time buy this book now. Or the ninja's will find you and if you read this book you know what they'll do to you when they do.

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2 people found this helpful

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Cyclone
SweeeeeeeeeT!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 7, 2020
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

An amazing book.
I loved the website...in years first time I saw it.
I have to keep it locked away as I can get a bit too pumped reading it.
If you like Ninjas and you like getting pumped (not in a sexual way) and flipping out then this...is a book about it!

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Daniel Bertram
REAL ULTIMATE POWER
Reviewed in Germany on July 4, 2012
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Ich mache es kurz, wer die Internetseite kennt und lustig findet, ist mit diesem Buch genau richtig beraten. Der Stil ist famos, der Inhalt kreativ.
Für mich eines der lustigsten Bücher, die ich je gelesen habe. Einzuordnen in der Kategorie: "Mitten in der Straßenbahn laut loslachen"!

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Samantha Clow
Great for a few laughs
Reviewed in Canada on February 17, 2016
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Great book very funny

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brtss
Five Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 10, 2014
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Super sweet!

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The John Robinson Review
Good book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 10, 2006
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I think this book is quite good.

It's quite funny and says alot about make believe ninjas.

Robert clearly knows more then he lets in on, like his intersperced chinese short fables and what have you.

I wasn't offended by this book but I don't know anything about martial arts so there. I think it's good for a laugh at least cheers, Johnr

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REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book Paperback – July 1, 2004

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Top reviews from the United States

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5.0 out of 5 stars Wittgenstein Power

5.0 out of 5 stars I was soooo pumped I almost committed Seppuku

5.0 out of 5 stars This is no joke!

4.0 out of 5 stars A goofy, silly and humorous book for anyone interested in becoming an awesome ninja.

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious yet tragic

5.0 out of 5 stars Open with caution. High speed ninja stars nearly cut my ear off!!!

5.0 out of 5 stars NinjaNinjaNinjaNinjaNinjas and Total Awsomeness

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars SweeeeeeeeeT!

5.0 out of 5 stars REAL ULTIMATE POWER

5.0 out of 5 stars Great for a few laughs

5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars

4.0 out of 5 stars Good book

Wittgenstein Power

I was soooo pumped I almost committed Seppuku

This is no joke!

A goofy, silly and humorous book for anyone interested in becoming an awesome ninja.

Hilarious yet tragic

Open with caution. High speed ninja stars nearly cut my ear off!!!

NinjaNinjaNinjaNinjaNinjas and Total Awsomeness

SweeeeeeeeeT!

REAL ULTIMATE POWER

Great for a few laughs

Five Stars

Good book