2006 INDEPENDENT BOOK PUBLISHERS AWARD FINALIST, Best Juvenile/Teen Young Adult Non-fiction

OFFICIAL SELECTION: New York Public Library's 2006 "Books of the Teen Age"

YALSA (Young Adult Library Services Association) 2005 "Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Readers" Award Nominee

Did you know...

Go Ask Ogre features Jolene’s accounts of personal interaction with several alternative heroes from the ‘80s—including bailing Skinny Puppy out of jail, attending a slumber party with punk legends The Descendents, getting a pep talk from the Revolting Cocks, meeting Peter Murphy, and more.

Anyway, I staggered around being quite stupid. Jenny looked for Rave so that maybe I could get in. I came around the corner and I saw Jenny standing with Rave and he took me upstairs. We went over to the entrance and he tried to get me in but the people kept saying, "Don t let her in, we kicked her out twice," and Rave asked if I had my ID but it didn t matter because I m only 18. People were yelling for him because the show was about to start so he said, "I m really sorry, I tried." Then I went outside, got sick, and cried. Jen told me well, she yelled at me saying that writing to you doesn t accomplish anything, that you don t like me, that you re not going to write me back, and that if I didn t write to you, you would forget that I exist. I walked down the darkest alley. I felt like I was going to die. I was so scared. I kept getting sick. Jen and Tracy found me and took me to get coffee. Then we sat on the sidewalk and Jen wanted to leave but I didn t want to. The show ended and I wasn t as drunk as before, so I found some guy and asked him to find Rave. I looked dead. My makeup was smeared all over the place. I probably smelled like vomit. My slip was over my skirt. Anyway, the chubby guy in the band (Luc Van Acker)came out and said, "Are you waiting for a kiss from me?" and I said "No, I m waiting for Rave," and he said, "You re waiting for a kiss from Rave?" and I said, "No, I have to talk to him," and he just stood there and I said, "Your name is Luc, isn t it?" and he said, "How did you! know?" and I said, "I can tell by your accent," and then I said, "I saw you in Detroit. I liked your music but I thought those girls ruined it. They were really shallow," and he said, "I liked it. What does shallow mean?"

Then Rave came out and I don t remember the order but he said, "I didn t like when you said you were going to kill yourself. That upset me." I said, "I didn t say that," and he said that I did. I told him that I don t want to die and that I m terrified of death. I could never kill myself. He said that death is inevitable and then he said, "My father died." He was being so sweet and I felt guilty for being an immature, emotional, drunk little brat. I was telling him my pathetic life story. I feel sorry for him because he listened to me. I told him that I m a failure in school and he said, "What do you want to do?" and I said that I want to be a photographer and he said, "Then be one. You can do whatever you want to." He was giving me a pep talk. It was such a nice pep talk.

I told him that I m going to give my psychology teacher some Skinny Puppy lyrics on the last day of class and he said, "Why?" and I said "Because they re very interesting," and that when I first read them, I looked up all the words that I didn t know the meanings of and most of those words appeared in my psychology book more the once. He said, "They are intelligent but don t live by them," and I said "I don t," and he said, "Do you live by the Bible?" and I said, "No," and he said, "Then don t live by Skinny Puppy lyrics." I said, "I don t." I kept talking and talking and talking. He said, "You have a life of your own," and I said I know that, because I do know that, and I told you that I know that. Then Jen came over and said well, she yelled at me. She said she was going to leave and Rave told me he didn t want me to get left behind and he told us he d see us in three months. Then we left and everyone was mad at everyone. Mostly everyone was mad at me. Jenny, Kristy, Tracy, and Jen.

I got home at 6 a.m. slept until 10 a.m. I felt like dying! I was so depressed. I felt so embarrassed and lonely this morning. I cried and went to work at 11. I took an early break and cried. I can t eat. I can t smile. I felt so sick. You know? I sense hate. I feel stupid and worthless. I wanted to be raised differently. I wanted to have a father and sisters and brothers. I didn t want to be teased in elementary school. I wanted to be special. I wanted to cry less. I wanted to be disciplined. I wanted to be safe. I look in the mirror. I know myself. I don t like myself and I know you can t like myself. I don t want to die. I don t want you to dislike me. I don t know you well, but you matter. Kristy tried to tell me that I write to you because she says you re good-looking. That s so shallow and untrue. I d write to you even if you looked like David Lee Roth but still had your thoughts. I like all nice people. I have no right to say anything to you. I have no right to care. I don t know myself and I m sorry about everything. I really am.