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Customer Discussions > Fatherhood forum

Divorced Fathers Staying Involved with Their Children

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Showing 1-16 of 16 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Sep 11, 2010 12:31:23 AM PDT
I am a fathers' rights attorney, and the author of a book on dealing with divorce, custody, child support, etc., for fathers (the link is below, in case anyone is interested).

My question - what I'd love to see a discussion on - is what are the things you would most like to see addressed in "how to" and "self help" articles and books dealing with fathers' rights, and family law for fathers?

Thank you so much!


Anne P. Mitchell, Esq

Surviving Divorce and Custody Issues: The Single Father's Guide

Posted on Sep 14, 2010 6:27:52 PM PDT
Bryan Patton says:
Back to Basics: Creating Fathers out of Dads (Volume 1)
I would love to see how exactly fathers(good fathers) can gain custody over the mothers. Especially when you have a father that is doing everything for the children, and the mothers sit around, and collect checks because judges side with the mothers.

In reply to an earlier post on Feb 27, 2011 2:54:03 PM PST
Yes, I want to know too! Mine is more like an ex steeling my child and running half way across the country then telling a judge about this gun I bought and threatened to kill her and our child when anybody who knows me, especially her, knows there is no way I will have a gun in my house!

In reply to an earlier post on Feb 27, 2011 3:01:21 PM PST
Where do I begin. I really need to know how to get my child out of the clutches of a bad situation half way across the country, supported by the judge Bill O'Reilly calls the poster child for judicial tyranny in this country. Have not seen or talked to her since she was barely a year old and now she is 9.Only the Lord keeps me somewhat productive in life. I miss my little girl more than I thought anyone could stand. Very long discussion to be sure...

Mike Ellis

Posted on Mar 2, 2011 12:32:01 PM PST
You see, the problem is in thinking of it as "me versus her"..."how can a father get custody over a mother"..and the reason that is the problem is that will *never* work in our family law system. If you instead focus on "How can I spend more time with my child" - rather than "How can I get her away from her mother", you will have removed the first barrier to your spending more time with your child. The courts will *never* side with a father who they perceive as 'wanting to take their child', but they *will* help a father whom they see as "wanting time with his child." So that's where you need to start. The image you present is easily 50% of the battle.


Anne P. Mitchell, Esq

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2011 2:36:39 PM PST
Nice post Anne. My problem, however, is I NEVER see or communicate in any way with my child! I am not trying to take her from her mother. I just want her mother to let my daughter and I have a father/daughter relationship. I last saw and talked to my daughter on December 23, 2002 and she is only 9 years old now!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2011 2:39:53 PM PST
Mike..what do your orders say about your time with her?

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2011 2:50:43 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Mar 2, 2011 3:04:57 PM PST
Hello Again Anne,

There are no orders now. As far as I know, I have the right to be a part of my child's life. The state of Vermont treated the issue like her life was in severe danger based entirely on what my ex said. I found out that the burden of proof no longer rests with the accuser! The whole thing was like she was in the witness protection program!

When my ex first left, she left our daughter with me and went out and played (men, drugs, etc.). Around a month later she came back and took her as I was too trusting. Then she left while I was on a trip for work! She left me for a man who just got out of prison with his father. They were serving time for multiple drug charges. Since then, my ex met a man in Vermont and had a baby with him. A quick search on him revealed he was wanted in the state of Illinois recently.

My ex's mother did the same thing to her and her mother's mother did the same thing to her mother. My ex does not know her father but I have talked to him. He told me a member of the family warned him that my ex's mother was insane and would kill him if the opportunity presented itself!


Posted on Mar 2, 2011 2:52:41 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Mar 2, 2011 3:01:56 PM PST
Also, they no longer live in Vermont so I may be able to do something now. I have already gone completely broke twice just trying to see my little girl! And, many members of her family have threatened my life and anyone who knows me knows I'm a lover, not a fighter!

Posted on Mar 2, 2011 3:06:06 PM PST
Should I just contact you through your website to continue this discussion?

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2011 5:34:30 PM PST
No - I would just say for your, and everyone else who may read this' benefit, that you *must* have a court order...that is the key to *everything* (for example, if you have a court order, and your ex denies you time with your child during your court-ordered time, technically that is parental kidnapping). Also, you say there are no orders 'now', but if you have *any* orders, those *are* the orders..orders don't expire (unless they specifically spell out an expiring time in the order).

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2011 7:36:57 PM PST
Very interesting. There have never been any orders of any kind related to visitation, etc. Vermont totally skipped that part and it is required even in Vermont Family Law. The only orders there have ever been were ones preventing me from seeing or communicating with my daughter. Like a restraining order but Vermont calls it something else. The first one was filed and approved for a year before I even knew anything was taking place! That was February of 2003 and it was extended to February 2005 and it specifically says it will expire on that date UNLESS either party files to extend it again. Neither have. So, at present, there are no orders of any kind except my child support which is current and has been most of the time.

Thanks for having this discussion with me.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 3, 2011 5:47:47 AM PST
Michael - If your ex has not filed any court action to change venue away from Vermont, then because you remain in Vermont, Vermont still has jurisdiction under the UCCJA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act), and you should (based on the facts as you've presented them, at least) have a very good shot at getting some sort of reintroduction parenting plan in place through the Vermont courts. You really need a lawyer who knows what they are doing though - even if you have to beg or borrow the money for the retainer. You can also check with the Vermont bar association, your local county bar, and any nearby law school to see if any of them offer reduced-fee clinics or have a list of attorneys or family law clinics that offer a reduced fee or sliding scale.

Anne (who grew up in Putney)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 3, 2011 7:47:26 AM PST
Hello again Anne,

I do not live in Vermont nor have I ever. My ex was from Vermont. I am from Georgia. She did all she did from VT. Recently she moved to IL. What you say does give me some hope. If I were to just go to IL to see my girl I would fear for my life. It was that way in VT and I feel it would be that way in IL too. Unless, of course, I had proper representation and a friend watching my back with me. I can assure you, she is one step ahead of me with every move she makes because I am an honest, loving person and she has a bit of the devil in her so to speak. I moved away from GA for awhile but was in GA the first time I got served by VT. Other than that, child support was set up in GA and there have been several battles over that, originating on her end, but I have won on this issue every time. My child support remains the same as it was on the first day. So, the only thing VT has to do with it is I have to send my child support to VT and they send it to her. It is that way because of the "witness protection like" way they have treated all this. VT does not know that I know my child is no longer in VT. My ex knows I know because I have been sending cards, presents, letters, etc. to my little girl ever since the two year order expired. ALL of them have been returned as "refused by recipient." Well, I know my little girl did not refuse them. Her mother did. Half of them have her handwriting on them.

When you say you grew up in Putney, do you mean Putney, GA? That is about ten miles from me.

Thanks again,
Mike Ellis

Posted on Mar 3, 2011 7:54:53 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Mar 3, 2011 9:18:18 AM PST
The judge I faced in VT who basically took all my parental rights away is quite famous for his lack of judgement. His name is Edward Cashman. I do not think he is a judge any longer thanks to Bill O'Reilly. In Bill's book "Culture Warrior" he has a chapter titled "What about the Children?". He discusses 2 judges who are his "poster children" for judicial tyranny in this country. Have you heard of him?

In reply to an earlier post on Feb 6, 2012 6:40:48 PM PST
T214T1987 says:
I have been told to seek full custody in the hopes you will get joint custody of my daughter. I am an unwed father and the mother is bi-polar...she also did the partying for the first couple of months, met a very unlucky guy, got pregnant within 4 weeks. I feel as an unwed father I have no rights. I meet w/ an atty on Thursday.
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Discussion in:  Fatherhood forum
Participants:  4
Total posts:  16
Initial post:  Sep 11, 2010
Latest post:  Feb 6, 2012

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