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Bud the Crud Goes to H-E-Double Sticks: The Final Instalment

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In reply to an earlier post on Jun 10, 2012, 10:11:57 PM PDT
judester says:

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 10, 2012, 10:16:23 PM PDT
judester says:
Now my teeth are chattering. Scary stuff!

And BTW, "I've long forgiven you for that." ... I'm not buying it.

Posted on Jun 11, 2012, 7:28:50 AM PDT
Camille took the news a lot more calmly than I would have thought, but I could see her grip tighten on Will. "No matter," she said and her voice lowered the temperature in the room about twenty degrees. My teeth were literally chattering. "No one ever leaves here."

"We have an opener," Will said and his voice came out squeaky.

"Your opener's magic would be taken the moment he entered this world." And then her mouth creased into what I can only guess was supposed to be a smile. "Unless, you found the chosen one." She looked back to me.
This time Will and Guy stepped in front of me.

"Is it true?" she asked.

"Yes," Will nodded. "Things have changed. Thanks to Buddy. Our war with the lycans is over." He put a protective hand on my shoulder.

"Pity," Camille said. "I'd finally grown accustomed to the taste of dog."

Guy let out a low growl, but Will grabbed his arm calming him.

"And what of the rest of the prophecy, Will? Is that why you've really come?"

"No," Will said a little too quickly.

Wait, what rest of the prophecy?

"No," he said again. "We have other friends who were carried here."

"Is that right?" Camille asked, but I could tell she wasn't listening. She was thinking about something else and I knew it wasn't something good.

"A witch," Will said trying to draw her back. "And a cat."

Camille's lips turned up into another smile.

"And there's something else... Jebediah. He's back."

If this were a movie, you'd probably expect a rumble of thunder or a sudden lightning bolt to split the sky. You'd expect Camille to go in an all out vampiric rage. Jebediah, was after all, the man who'd banished her here to begin with. You'd probably want a blood curdling scream. Drums beating in the background from a nearing army. You'd also be very disappointed.

"Yes, I know," she said calmly. "Nothing escapes my attention here." She turned to the massive ogre. "Myron, escort our guests to the dungeon."

Getting sent to a dungeon is a lot like getting sent to your room, but with more rats and stray bones. At least that's what I kept trying to tell myself.

I felt Will's hand on my shoulder as we trudged down a narrow flight of stone steps that got darker and darker the further we pressed. "Relax," he said. "Don't count us out yet."

"Okay," I said, but secretly thought, easy for you to say, you're immortal.

Cold drops of water dripped from the ceiling. I heard a low, constant moaning as we finally hit the bottom of the stairs and we spilled out into a large room barely lit by a single torch.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh," the moaning continued. A blue wisp flew around the high ceiling, past strange looking metal devices chained to the walls. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," it continued then the mist came to a halt and flew down in front of us. "Oh! It's you guys." From out of the blue smoke, Valeria's face appeared. "I was just haunting the dungeon. What are you doing here?"

"Must you?" Camille was drumming her long black nails on what I looked like a coffin with spikes inside.

"I'm a banshee." Valeria drifted towards Camille. "Do I criticize you when you drink your afternoon Bloody Marys?"

I shivered a little. I'm guessing Camille's Bloody Mary's didn't contain tomato juice.

"Where is Lucifer?" Camille snapped.

"Chewing on a bone in the torture chamber."

"Bring her to me."

Valeria gave Camille a half-hearted salute then zipped down the hall in a huff of blue smoke.

Behind me, I heard a retching noise. Atticus was throwing up in what looked like some kind of dunking booth at a carnival. I didn't blame him. If I'd eaten a bigger dinner, I'd probably be wrestling him for a spot. Up until now, I was sure the worst thing I'd ever meet was Camille and that was almost comforting. It made everything else seem like an open-book test. But now I was about to meet the devil himself. Er, herself. Which probably only made it worse. I thought of Amber on her `special days' and then multiplied it times 100. This couldn't be good.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 11, 2012, 8:42:33 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Ah ha, rest of the prophecy! *shudders* pulls covers over my head for protection. (cause you know that always works!) Not a good sign that Atticus is retching!

Thanks, Jamie! I am on pins and needles here . . .

Posted on Jun 13, 2012, 8:11:49 AM PDT

Posted on Jun 13, 2012, 8:34:48 AM PDT
Zebras says:
Need.....a.........Buddy..........fix....... or a cookie!

Posted on Jun 13, 2012, 10:41:03 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 13, 2012, 10:41:56 AM PDT
sorry, guys! been busy with the second round of edits on b&s2. were shooting for a july release
Silently, we all turned our attention down the corridor. Even Atticus choked back his dry heaving. The torches made strange shadows on the wall and for a while everything was still and quiet like that moment before the school bell rings and everyone gets to go home. And then we heard a clacking noise on the ground. I thought of a nature special I saw on eagles. Their talons are so sharp they could rip through bone. That's a good tip to keep in mind if you ever see an eagle while you're hiking and think it'd be cool to get a closer look.

A second later, I caught a glimpse of a new shadow along the corridor. Two horns and an open jaw with sharp fangs. But then a gust of wind blew through the hall extinguishing the torches and it was gone.

The clacking got louder. The anticipation was terrible. It was just like sitting in the doctor's office waiting for the nurse to come in with the shot. And then, from out of the dark corridor, something even darker came hurtling towards Camille.

She held out her arms and caught the creature, then held it up to her face. "Who's my lovely girl?" she said.

The monster, because I was sure it was monstrous, let out a strange growl. It sounded almost like a cat's `meow' played backwards. Holy schnikes! It was a cat. And not just any cat. It was a zombie cat. It was my zombie cat.

"Spooky!" I cried.

Camille set Spooky down and it rubbed against her dress and purred.

"Spooky, it's me!" I said and I held my arms out to her.

She hissed and arched her back at me.

"Spooky?" I asked and took a step closer. She'd never hissed at me before. Not even the time when I tried to drag her into the bath with me. "C'mon, girl. I came back for you." I'd almost touched her head when she bit down on my thumb.

I yelped and pulled my hand back. I could feel myself starting to cry, but not because my hand hurt (though it did,) but because my heart hurt. I'd come all this way for her and she wanted nothing to do with me. Then I got to thinking that maybe I deserved that for bringing her back to begin with and abandoning here. And that just set my brain wandering to Jocelyn, and then Tracey, and how maybe the universe got it wrong when they picked me for whatever they picked me for. Especially if I get all weepy just from a cat bite. And it really started to sink in that I was a long, long way from home and surrounded by some seriously bad people and I felt something I hadn't felt in a long, long time-alone.

"What did you do to her?" I sniffled and said to Camille.

"Oh, Mumsy would never do anything to her fuzzy wuzzy," she said and knelt down besides Spooky and stroked her neck.

"Quit talking to her like that!"

Camille gave Spooky a kiss and gave her bottom a little pat then turned her full attention to me which, believe me, is about a hundred times worse than when the teacher calls on you for an answer you don't know.

"I don't have the power to bring back the dead, Chosen One. I'm a vampire. Destruction is all I know."

"Are you saying I did this to her?" I felt hot all over. Not just my cheeks, but my chest and arms.

Will glided next to me. "Calm yourself."

I ignored him. I didn't care anymore just how sharp Camille's fangs were or how when she looked at me my three chest hairs curled up. "That's my cat. She belongs with me!"

"What's stopping you?" Camille feigned a yawn.

"You messed her up!" The warmth spread from my arms to my hands and fingers. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Atticus waving his arms at me. I ignored him, too.

"Not me. You."

"You're making me mad!" I snapped.

"Then do something about it."

"Buddy..." Will had his hand on my shoulder. He was gripping me tight.

"Fix her now!" I needed Spooky to be better. I needed unicorns to not be real. I needed Algebra to be the only thing I had nightmares about.

"Buddy!" Will shouted. "Your hands are on fire!"

"What?" I looked down and sure enough, smoke and flames were shooting from my fingers. "Gahhh!" I shouted and tried to shake them out. Blasts of flames shot over Camille's head, into the ceiling, and over the room. I was running in circles screaming when Guy tackled me to the ground.

Posted on Jun 13, 2012, 11:28:44 AM PDT
Zebras says:
But, I need Unicorns to be real, Buddy.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 13, 2012, 12:06:04 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
July, really? WooHoo! Can't wait for Blood and Sunlight: A Maryland Vampire Story 2!

Bud is going to have to learn some self-control! *worry* *worry* *worry*

I have a small edit: maybe I deserved that for bringing her back to begin with and abandoning here. (should that be her here?)

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 13, 2012, 12:06:36 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Yes, that would be nice!

Posted on Jun 13, 2012, 5:47:02 PM PDT
G Jaros says:
Great news about the new book, Jamie!!!!
And thanks for another great installment!

Posted on Jun 15, 2012, 10:29:48 AM PDT
"What?" I looked down and sure enough, smoke and flames were shooting from my fingers. "Gahhh!" I shouted and tried to shake them out. Blasts of flames shot over Camille's head, into the ceiling, and over the room. A second later, Guy tackled me to the ground.

Guy ripped off his shirt and put out the flames. I should tell you it doesn't take much to get Guy to take off his clothes-a little rain, a puddle, any degree of temperature above 50 degrees. I guess I'd do the same if had muscles like him, but I can't say I enjoy it. Next to him I always feel like the before model in an ad for dumbbells. For once though, I was just grateful he hadn't ripped it off sooner.
"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think." Nothing hurt. My hand wasn't even blackened like a campfire marshmallow or anything. And the fire was completely out. Weird. I made a mental note to keep my temper under control. Who knows what would happen if I completely lost it. Maybe I'd go all nuclear and fly into the sky in a spark of red fireworks.

Guy offered me his hand and helped me to my feet, which would have been far more awkward given how tense things had been between us, had Camille not interrupted.

She let out in a high-pitch laugh in that cutesy, want-to-punch-her face kind of way. "And this is the Chosen One?"

"Hey, Frightzilla- Leave him alone and shut your fangs before I yank them out and use them as a bottle opener." I could see Guy's muscles ripple.

"Guy," Will warned.

"Forget this witch [he didn't say witch]. We came here to rescue her. She doesn't need rescuing. Let's quit wasting our time and finish what we came here for. She's got nothing to offer."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Camille twirled her hair, but the little girl act wasn't fooling anyone. "I know exactly where Jebediah is."

"We'll buy a map."

"And I believe I have something that belongs to you." She nodded to Myron who'd been standing like an ogre statue in the corner. I noticed part of his loin cloth was on fire, but didn't say anything. If it didn't bother him, it didn't bother me.

"Huh?" he said to Camille.

"Go fetch her."


"The prisoner."

"Where?" Myron looked all around the room. "I'll smash her!" and he swung his club around and connected with a support beam. Bits of bricks fell from the ceiling onto his head. Just like the fire though, he didn't seem to notice.

"In the far cell, you fool. Go bring the prisoner to me."

Myron let out a grunt, gave a funny looking salute that ended with him poking himself in the eye, and stormed out of the room.

"We're not leaving without Spooky," I said. We'd come a long way. I didn't care if she hated me or not. She can bite me all she wants. Eventually, she'd remember that I was the guy who used to sneak her leftovers under the table.

"Spooky's dead, Bud." Guy put his hand on my shoulder. "If you hold onto something too hard, you know what happens?"

"It doesn't get away?"

"Well, yeah. But neither do you. You're stuck there, trying to hold onto something that doesn't want to be held."

I looked over at Spooky. She let out a low, backwards growl and watched me suspiciously with red glowing eyes from a dark corner of the room.

"But that's my cat."

"That was your cat."


"He's right," Will said. "Look at it this way, you get to do something that few of us do."

"What?" I sniffled.

"Say goodbye." He gestured towards Spooky.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 11:01:45 AM PDT
Beth says:
Thanks Jaime! Nice start to the weekend.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 11:03:22 AM PDT
Goodbye? Poor Bud....

Thanks Jamie.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 11:04:20 AM PDT
<Gives Zebras a real Unicorn cookie>

<Pile of unicorn cookies for everybody else too...>

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 1:31:02 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Poor Buddy!
Is he ever going to realize and accept his powers? And what are we going to do with Camille!?! Is she beyond saving? ~sigh~

Thanks, Jamie! :)
I hope you have a great Father's Day!

You too, Mom! Enjoy your Father's Day! :-D
And all the other fathers who lurk, I hope you have a great Father's Day, also!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 1:32:15 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
grabs a couple of unicorn cookies . . . Thanks, Mom! YUM!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 1:37:50 PM PDT
Zebras says:
Thanks Mom!

Posted on Jun 15, 2012, 2:06:11 PM PDT
You're both welcome! :)
Everybody have a good weekend.

(I'm going to stay out of the fresh air, a massive wildfire 40 miles north has caused some poor air quality this week...)

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 7:00:55 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
:( I hope the wind is blowing the other direction! Forty miles for a wildfire doesn't sound that far away! Be safe, Mom!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 15, 2012, 7:05:15 PM PDT
Beth says:
I agree be safe Mike. 40 miles is not great but not eminent danger. Breathing stinks though ( I was in NM last year much closer to the fire).

Posted on Jun 17, 2012, 1:12:55 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
(¯`'*.¸ HAPPY *♥♥♥* FATHER'S *♥♥♥* DAY ¸.*'´¯)
*♥♥♥* I hope every one enjoys their day! *♥♥♥*

Posted on Jun 18, 2012, 7:17:21 AM PDT
I hope everyone had a wonderful Father's Day weekend and that you managed to steer clear of forest fires.
"He's right," Will said. "Look at it this way, you get to do something that few of us do."

"What?" I sniffled.

"Say goodbye." He gestured towards Spooky.

<Clap Clap> Camille smiled. "Wonderful! Very touching!"

Guy pointed a finger at her. "Strike two, she-beast! One more. I dare you."

Under his breath, Will muttered, "Sleeping bears, friend."

"Make excellent carpets. Can we leave now?"

"Buddy?" Will said to me.

I looked over at Spooky. She was motionless which isn't unusual for a cat, especially if they're about to make a go at the fish in the aquarium. Even if they ended up sopping wet and swatted with the business end of a broom last time they tried it. But if you watch a cat carefully enough, something's always moving, even if they're completely still. Even if they're sleeping. Their eyes, or a little flick of the tail. For Spooky, there was nothing. It was like she wasn't even in her own body. And I guess that was probably true.

"Goodbye, girl," I whispered. And then, "I'm sorry." When I brought her back, I thought the choice was just alive or dead. I mean obviously, you'd go with alive right. But there's worst things than just being dead. You could end up as a pet to a vampire queen in some other dimension. These are things your parents don't teach you. There's also something else-you can't fix everything. Life was simpler when it was just my dad snapping the wheels back on to my toy truck. The older you get though, the harder it is to fix the broken things in your life. Sometimes, you just have to forget about it and move on.

"Now we can go," Will said and he lead me back towards the stairs.

"Is dis what you wanted?" Myron appeared in the far doorway and threw a wriggling bundle onto the floor.

"I don't know, ogre. I can't see through bags." Camille sighed.

"Oh, right." Myron stared at the thing on the floor which looked like a gigantic burrito filled with Mexican jumping beans.

"Open it, you idiot!"

"Yeah, yeah." Myron set down his club and ripped open the bag.

"And that's strike three," Guy said and a lot of stuff happened very quickly so I may not have the order down entirely right.

-I shouted "Joceyln!" and rushed to my girlfriend's side. She didn't look good. She was bruised and cut and tied up with vines.

-Guy snarled, went all wolfed out and threw himself at Camille. And when Guy gets all wolfed out, you better watch out. For one, he's the size of a minivan with thick black fur that is completely unpettable. And two, and I know this is going to sound hard to believe, but Guy actually restrains himself most of the time. But when he changes, oh mama, he completely lets himself go-we're talking snarling, salivating, biting. Just all teeth and claws and muscle and attitude.

-I heard Will shout, "No!" and he tried to stop Guy, but it was too late.

-Atticus puked some more.

-And Myron went back to scratching himself.

I think that's about right. Atticus might've been dry-heaving sooner than that. Anyway, what I do know is what happened next. One second, Guy was inches from snapping his wolfy jaws on Camille's white neck, and the next he was hurled across the room with a horrible yelp. He collided into the wall and slid to the ground with a sickening thud.

"Again," Camille said and her fangs were out now. As far as I could tell, she hadn't even moved. There wasn't a single black hair out of place on her head.

Guy was up in a heartbeat, shook his head, then charged again at Camille. This time, Will was faster, he stepped in front of Guy to stop him. And the very next second, it was Will flying across the room. And Camille had Guy in a choke hold. The way he was kicking his legs, and whimpering, I could tell he was in a lot of pain.

"No!" Will shouted shaking bits of ceiling out of his hair. "Please."

Posted on Jun 18, 2012, 11:47:39 AM PDT
Beth says:
Thanks Jaime!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 18, 2012, 12:04:59 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
OMG! OMG! OMG! Buddy needs to do something! The suspense it killing me. Don't hurt Guy!

BTW Jamie, I believe you misspelled Jocelyn.
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