No male can say "panties" without sounding like a pervert. And no heterosexual male can get away with saying "scrumptious". Can't be done.
My favorite phrase for female, um, self-gratification is "petting Snoopy". I found an old "Peanuts" panel in which Lucy is tickling Snoopy under the chin, both of them laughing giddily. I photocopied the panel, enlarged it, and added the caption "PETTING SNOOPY IS FUN: Do It Today!!!". I believe I might have even had a couple of T-shirts made up with this visual and gave them to female buddies of mine. But I confess nothing.
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