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Showing 1-7 of 7 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 26 reviews
on March 12, 2014
Every woman married, about to be married, or thinking about marriage.....or divorced should read this book. You know what they say, "forewarned is forearmed." It doesn't mean you don't love him and want to marry, it just means you need to know why and how all of us give away ourselves when we say those two little words, "I do." This is a smart, fair and necessary book and I think men should read it too. I reviewed the audio because I got that first and then I ordered this paper copy. I also recommend her next book: DRAMA KINGS: the men that drive strong women crazy.
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on January 8, 2002
Ms Heyn addresses a topic that is kept quite secret in our culture - how women make the transition to what they consider to be "Wives". Finally a book that addresses our own expectations and doesn't lay the blame totally on the patriarchy. This book was quite helpful to me in my first year of marriage, as well as many of my clients.
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on December 31, 2012
A life changing book. I read it the week after I got married. It blew my mind and changed my entire thought process about my new relationship. Unfortunately, it helped me realize the bad thought patterns and habits I was already falling into, and I became really disappointed in myself. It has been hard to change my "transformation," but at least I am conscious of the thought process and can hopefully overcome it in time.

This book is for smart, independent, motivated women. It essentially argues that upon marriage (even if the couple has already been living together for years), a wedding makes a switch go on in the modern woman's brain that makes her measure herself against the 19th century ideal "wife." It is so automatic that you don't even realize you've done it. And because society praises the self-sacrifice and backing down for the sake of "compromise," you actually feel *bad* when you act like the assertive, strong woman you used to be. The qualities that society subtly pressures you to aim for undermine your sense of self and is an unattainable ideal that you can never reach. Thus, guilt, lowered self-esteem, feeling like a different person, feeling like you have to make all the sacrifices, and other negative thought patterns.
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on October 27, 2013
I'm not going to say I have everything figured out.
The other doesn't purport that she had all the answers either.

Personally, I found that pretty cool.
I had done all the pre-marital couples classes, read the books, dated a lot before 'settling down', and ... was still ... somehow ... shocked by this overwhelming urge to learn how to use a crock-pot .

Wah???
Why did that happen?

Apparently there is at least one more person in the world who went thru that. So - even though it's still a bizarre concept of kookiness. I'm glad I read the book. Misery loves company, no? And - there was a time I was confusedly miserable and the book was pretty helpful.
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on October 24, 2014
Wow! This book hits on those touchy, never talked about issues for married women. Whether you agree with the title or not, I recommend reading this book.
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on May 10, 2012
Recently divorced, it's great to read about your role as wife and know you were not alone in your feelings and experiences. I would recommend this book but it does have some intense pyshcological language and research.
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on September 25, 2014
Anyone, man, woman, first marriage, 10th - should read this. It's a real eye opener into how people often one day say "I don't know who you are anymore" -
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