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On My Knees: A Memoir Paperback – June 18, 2013

by Periel Aschenbrand (Author)

38 customer reviews

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On My Knees is Periel Aschenbrand’s seriously funny follow-up to her debut memoir The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own.

At the beginning of On My Knees, we find Periel chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch, watching reruns of Law & Order while she squats in her deceased grandmother’s apartment and adjusts to being alone for the first time in a decade. So begins a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell that includes crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with a man who just might be the one.

Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel’s riotous attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Ribald, outrageous, gutter-mouthed, hilarious-a startling new voice in American letters. Watch out Portnoy, watch out Caulfield, watch out Bukowski, watch out E. L. James. Hell, everybody, real or imagined, just watch out! Because here comes Periel Aschenbrand!” (Jonathan Ames)

“Unsavorily compelling. . .in the manner of a female Howard Stern.” (New York Times)

“Bold, sassy, and totally fucking cool. If truth in comedy is my mantra, then the goddess I pray to is Periel Aschenbrand.” (Lesley Arfin, author of Dear Diary and senior writer for Girls)

“Periel Aschenbrand is funny, funny, funny. On My Knees is a cool book-made me laugh, made me think, made me keep turning pages. If you don’t buy it and read it and dig, you’re making a mistake.” (James Frey)

“Meet the Lady Gaga of literature! On My Knees is sexy, funny, titillating, and badass.” (Touré)

Laden with sharp humor and funny asides (New York Observer)

Brave, smart, sexy, and sharp, Aschenbrand is an expert at writing her life as a tantalizing striptease (Interview)

From the Back Cover

A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic best friend/wingwoman, Aschenbrand embarks on a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell involving crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with the man who just might be the one. Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel's attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence in a story so riotous it would make Chelsea Handler blush.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product details

Paperback: 194 pages
Publisher: Harper Perennial; Original edition (June 18, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062026895
ISBN-13: 978-0062026897
Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.5 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 38 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,029,355 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #368 in Books > Travel > Specialty Travel > Solo Travel
- #3419 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Love, Sex & Marriage
- #11679 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Travelers & Explorers

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38 customer reviews

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October 31, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I can't believe I wasted 45 minutes of my life first reading and then skimming this "book," and if you get a copy you won't believe it either. Cliches in language are common ("sage advice"), but the life itself is a cliche--which is why people like fiction, where someone who leads an unremarkable life can create a remarkable story.

In this story, the depth of the writer's reading stops at Law and Order, and that shows.

One person found this helpful

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why did I even buy this?

January 18, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I was in the airport on my way home when I finished my other Kindle book and bought this one in a hurry so as to have something to read on the plane. Don't know what I was thinking. Maybe because it was cheap? In any case, I only got through a couple of chapters as it was a really short flight. Then I deleted this tripe forever.

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I laughed out loud literally.....

October 17, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

......and tried to not wake my boyfriend up while I read this book. I wish this book was even longer and had more stories of Periel's conquests because I don't want this book to end! Her dialogue between herself and her friend in this book are particularly funny. Is this book "Wuthering Heights"? No. But it is f-ing awesome! Periel keeps it real.

Comment

Hilarious and unapologetic

June 24, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Periel's self-analysis is scrupulous and bluntly honest. It is a delight to hear the grim reality of one's life be told in such a loud and eloquent voice. The author's sharp tongue annihilates all taboo with a disarming truthfulness. So f***ing refreshing, really. Rarely do you see self-awareness be put to so much good use in one's life. Periel rises from the dead back to her fearless self as she sheds many layers of trauma and ultimately lets go of the sofa's plastic cover.
Periel's wit and charm brilliantly withstand much floundering. Her character is loving and full of positive energy. Eventually love has the best of her because she is worthy of it.
Once you get this book you won't be able to put it down!

One person found this helpful

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Funny and insightful all together revealing

June 22, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Periel has a gift for telling stories that are both funny and heartwarming albeit adult in it's subject matter. She leaves little to the imagination but that is exactly why I chose this book. I am not into literary metaphors just tell it to me straight and trust me you will get that from her! Wonderful and well written you will be glad you bought it!

One person found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

October 23, 2013

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Probably one of the mostly ridiculous books I ever slogged through. Amazon should pay. Me for finishing the thing. If that story is real. Ugh.

One person found this helpful

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July 2, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This is one of those books that you pick up, can't put down, and then its over too soon. I bought it thinking it will be good filler for my commute and I couldn't stop reading it even after I got home! Not only is it filled with guilty pleasure obscenity and honestly hilarious moments, it also gave me a positive perspective that no matter how bad things get, you can always think "Will this be funny if I put it in a book?"

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July 4, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I thought this was a quick and hilarious read for sure.
I would totally recommended this book to anyone looking for a good laugh.

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English United States

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