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Rob Bell

The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage Paperback – January 26, 2016

by Rob Bell (Author), Kristen Bell (Author)

173 customer reviews

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As he revolutionized traditional teaching on hell in the phenomenal New York Times bestseller Love Wins, Rob Bell now transforms how we understand and practice marriage in The Zimzum of Love, co-written with his wife, Kristen.

Despite the divorce statistics, people are still committing to each other, instinctively believing and hoping that theirs is a sacred union that will last forever. Yet when these couples encounter problems, they often lack the resources that keep them connected to this greater mystery surrounding marriage.

Rob and Kristen Bell introduce a startling new way of looking at marriage, The Zimzum of Love. Zimzum is a Hebrew term where God, in order to have a relationship with the world, contracts, creating space for the creation to exist. In marriage, zimzum is the dynamic energy field between two partners, in which each person contracts to allow the other to flourish. Mastering this field, this give and take of energy, is the secret to what makes marriage flourish.

Rob and Kristen Bell are brutally honest about their own struggles, their ups and downs, as together they pass along what matters most for couples. In this wise book, they explore the secret of what makes a happy union—probing the mystery at the heart of the extraordinary emotional connection that binds two people. With his down-to-earth charm, a dose of whimsy, and memorable stories, Rob, writing with his wife Kristen, changes how we consider marriage, providing insight that can help all of us create satisfying and sacred unions of our own.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“The Bells wield their heartfelt words and honest voices to cheer on couples of all kinds. . . . This is a ‘feel good’ book, not because it skirts the issues, but precisely because it delves so deeply into them. . . . Married or not, read this book.” (Publishers Weekly (starred review))

“The Bells’ marriage manual... aims to help couples recognize that what they’re creating together is something energetic, light-filled and unknowably deep.” (Guideposts)

“The book, rather than giving you a five-point prescription for how to make your marriage work, instead manages to fill you with hope, possibility, and even excitement, for your own relationship.” (Faith Forward, Patheos)

About the Author

Rob Bell is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and spiritual teacher. His books include Love Wins, How to Be Here, What We Talk About When We Talk About God, Velvet Elvis, The Zimzum of Love, Sex God, Jesus Wants to Save Christians, and Drops Like Stars. He hosts the weekly podcast The Robcast, which was named by iTunes as one of the best of 2015. He was profiled in The New Yorker and in TIME Magazine as one of 2011’s hundred most influential people. He and his wife, Kristen, have three children and live in Los Angeles.

Paperback: 160 pages
Publisher: HarperOne; Reprint edition (January 26, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062194232
ISBN-13: 978-0062194237
Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.4 x 7.9 inches
Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 173 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #36,875 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #249 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #443 in Marriage
- #1193 in Christian Spiritual Growth (Books)

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Lisa

Excellent Book!!!!! Highly recommend for personal growth and happier relationships...

March 4, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I read the reviews before deciding to purchase this book, and took a chance based on the many (simple) positive reviews. For a quick read, this is a remarkably profound and encouraging book. Whether you're considering marriage or have been married for years, it's a simple (yet challenging) Relationship 101 course, to help refresh, remind and reinvigorate... and who doesn't need that?! It also has something to say about ALL relationships, not just marriage. The principals in this book will help any relationship (or individual) become happier and healthier. Of course, the two people who wrote the book are both relatively healthy emotionally, so I must add, as a Life Coach, that if you are in a marriage with an unhealthy person, these principals won't work. But read the book first to see if that person might in some way, be you, before coming to any conclusions. :) In fact, now that I think about it, I'll be passing this along to my young adult daughters to give them an understanding of what a healthy marriage looks like, since more than ever we need mentors who model realistic, blessed and happy marriages.

10 people found this helpful

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Josh

Rob Bell has a fresh take on a subject worn down with tired language

September 7, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

My fiance and I read this book together and felt it provided a really good look into the actual mechanics of relationship, instead of the typical prescriptions and theological obligations provided by many other spiritual books on marriage. I'd recommend this to any couple, as Rob Bell's fresh metaphorical language can provide a new perspective for anyone.

3 people found this helpful

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Michelle H

The book feels personal

July 29, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Rob writes as if he is in a conversation with you. The give and take between Kristen and Rob brings the book to life. In the first chapter I was hooked on the description of the space between partners as something alive and the word zimzum as an active act. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to read about how to have fun and thrive in marriage.

4 people found this helpful

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Timothy

clear and insightful

April 22, 2019

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This is a cool book. Rob Bell teams up with his wife, Kristen, to share some great tips for relationships of every stripe, as well as some helpful advice for life that is not contingent upon interacting with anyone. 'The Zimzum of Love', like all of Mr. Bell's books, is presented in an easy-to-read format with some fairly deep ideas outlined in very simple ways. Great book!

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JR. Forasteros

A Helpful Way to Talk about Christian Marriage Outside the Church

November 1, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

You may not have heard, but Rob Bell put out a new book. More specifically, Rob and his wife, Kristen, dropped a book last week called The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage. (Now that Rob has published a marriage book and Mark Driscoll has resigned from his Mars Hill Church, the eerily-similar career trajectory of these two guys continues to get creepier).

The Zimzum of Love is a short, quick read. As with most of Rob’s books, it’s light and playful, while not shying away from deeper waters. It’s good. It’s helpful. Did I mention it’s short? Is it worth your time?

The Zimzum of Love claims to be a new way to understand marriage. Is it?

Yes… and no. Depends on who you’re talking to. When Rob left his church in 2012, he made a conscious decision to step out of pastoring in a church to pastoring outside the Church. His last book - What We Talk About When We Talk About God – reflects that trajectory, and The Zimzum of Love. In other words, Christians looking for a deep book on marriage should probably go check out Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage instead.

Rob and Kristen wrote a book on Christian marriage for non-Christian people.

The Zimzum of Love is a celebration of the sacramental nature of marriage, grounded in Trinitarian life and love of God. You won’t find the word “sacrament” anywhere in the book (and Trinity only once or twice), but that’s the point. This picture of marriage is good news to people who don’t know it, but only if they can understand it.

Rob and Kristen use language that sounds much more at home on the O Network than in a pulpit. This will doubtless make Evangelicals looking for something to complain about happy; they’ll surely find the confirmation they were seeking that Rob has abandoned Orthodox Christianity in favor of the trendy spirituality-lite. That’s an exceptionally uncharitable reading of the book, and if that’s what you choose, it’s too bad, because you’ll miss the real benefits of the book for both Christians and non-Christians.

The Zimzum of Love should be read more like a latter-day incarnation of Paul’s sermon at Mars Hill.

Rob and Kristen show Christians a new way to talk about marriage. (Well, it’s not actually new… Christians have been talking about marriage as a sacrament for quite a long time. Evangelicals just aren’t very good at it these days.) As did Paul, he begins where people outside the Church are and invites them slowly, inexoribly closer to the center of the life of the Trinity.

Their thesis is that marriage is sacramental. Whether you’re explicitly, intentionally following Jesus or not, marriage can orient you towards God. Marriage can be an opportunity for and means of grace in your life, if you choose to play along. As they say:

"Marriage has the uniquely powerful capacity to transform you both into more loving and generous and courageous and compassionate people."

The Zimzum of Love explores what exactly a sacramental marriage looks like. They begin, of course, with the concept of zimzum. Though they borrow the concept from Jewish mysticism, they steer clear of the rabbit hole, settling for a simple explanation:

"[Rabbis contend] that for something to exist that wasn’t God, God had to contract or withdraw from a certain space so that something else, something other than God, could exist and thrive in that space. And the word they used for this divine contraction is zimzum. God zimzums so that everything we know to be everything can exist and thrive."

Rob and Kristen use the concept of zimzum as a picture of the self-sacrificing love that is the heart of the trinity. They don’t “go there” until nearly the end of the book, but a discerning theological reader should pick up on that right away (again, the brilliance of the book). The rest of the book, then is a movement from zimzum to Trinity, exploring what it looks like to love another person with this sort of self-effacing love, a love that makes intentional space for the Other within the Self.

And if that sounds heady and complicated, don’t worry. The Zimzum of Love is anything but. It’s clear, compelling, accessible and practical.

Rob and Kristen use humor, wit and lots of personal anecdotes to make the book an easy but helpful read. Their vision of marriage is inspiring and exciting. It’s not easy – and they’re open about that. They also offer questions at the end of the book to help a couple walk through the book together.

I do a lot of weddings, for both Christian and non-Christian couples. Ever since I read Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage, it’s been my go-to for Christian couples. But as excellent as Keller’s book is, the degree to which it’s steeped in Christian language and theology makes it off-putting for people who aren’t Christians. I’ve found myself using ideas and concepts from the book rather than the book itself.

I plan to offer non-Christian couples The Zimzum of Love. Rob and Kristien articulate many of the same ideas and theological truths, but in ways that are more accessible and relatable for people who aren’t Jesus-followers. Rob and Kristen present Marriage as an invitation into the life of God. As they say near the end of the book:

"In this trinitarian understanding of God, love is the engine of the universe, the life force that surges through all of creation… This love takes us back to that first impulse you had to zimzum for this person you love. When you zimzum, you are aligning yourself with the most foundational creative energies of the universe. You’re experiencing the same love that sustains the world."

The Zimzum of Love is an excellent resource for the Church.

Marriage done well can connect us to the first love of creation.It doesn’t take a Counseling degree to see that the larger culture doesn’t care to hear what the Church has to say about marriage. At the same time, relationships in our culture are a mess. We’re more alone, more isolated, than at any point in our history.

Our culture hasn’t quit listening to the Church because what we have to say is untrue. Christian marriage is still the best hope we have to know and be known as we truly desire. Our message has become irrelevant because we’re not speaking the language of our culture anymore (and because our marriages aren’t particularly compelling all-too-often).

While traditional theological language may be very helpful for those inside the Church (and I mean inside the Church tradition – we have plenty of people in our buildings who are theological outsiders), more and more of our culture is outside the Christian theological tradition. If we want to speak meaningfully to them about love and relationships and sex and all the other things wrapped up in marriage, we must learn to speak their language.

The Zimzum of Love is an excellent starting point for us to learn how to speak meaningfully about marriage with those outside the Church.

One final note – most people who have followed Rob Bell know that shortly after he left Mars Hill, he came out in support of Marriage Equality. Early in the book, he and Kristen make it clear that wasn’t a misquote:

"Marriage – gay and straight – is a gift to the world because the world needs more – not less – love, fidelity, commitment, devotion, and sacrifice."

Disagreeing with Rob about this point is enough to make many Evangelicals toss the book across the room and quit reading.

I would challenge you to keep reading, no matter what your views on this issue are. Here’s why:

First, that’s literally the only time in the book the issue comes up. Throughout the rest of the book, Rob and Kristen speak about “husbands and wives” - even eschewing the language of “partners”. I spent some time trying to figure out why they chose to do this and couldn’t for the life of me. I would assume a gay couple reading this book might still feel alienated by the rest of the marriage language in the book. And since Rob is always so careful about his words, I am not sure what to make of this.

Second, whether you agree with Rob and Kristen’s view on Marriage Equality or not, their sacramental view of marriage is still spot-on. If you think only straight marriages are sacramental, but Rob and Kristen think gay marriages are too, you can still benefit from the picture of marriage they endorse in the book. That one sentence aside, Marriage Equality doesn’t show up once in the whole book, not even obliquely.

So does The Zimzum of Love offer a new way to think about marriage?

Yes. For non-Christians, it offers a powerful, sacramental view of marriage as an invitation into the deep mystery of God. For Christians, it offers a fresh, meaningful way to talk about distinctively Christian, Trinitarian marriage with those who are outside the Christian theological tradition. Rob and Kristen point us toward incarnational language that invites us all to have healthier, more loving marriages. As they conclude:

When you are faithful to each other, zimzuming as you act for the well-being of the other, the space between you becomes a place in the universe that isn’t broken and divided but one and whole… There is a larger purpose to your marriage… one that shapes each of you into better people as it makes the world a better place.

BOTTOM LINE: The Zimzum of Love offers a powerful vision of marriage in language our culture can understand and engage. It’s not written for Christians, but Christians can use it as a guide to engage the larger world.

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sepix

So good!

August 16, 2018

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

We love this book. It’s easy to read, understand, and talk about. Their personalities shine through. Super helpful way of understanding marriage. It’s simply the best marriage book I’ve ever read.

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Jennifer Sadler

Affirming

November 14, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I love this book and the simple concept of zimzum. It is refreshing to read and see the good and the not so good parts of your marriage confirmed as normal and workable and often wonderful. I love the conversational flow of this book and how relatable Rob and Kristen Bell are as individuals and partners.

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Stephen Persing

Not that great

March 13, 2015

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

If you're newly wed or about to marry, this is probably useful. For others, not so much. The insights are things you should know by age 30 if you hope to have any success in relationships. It all feels a bit lightweight. A step down for Rob Bell, though I can't fault his good intentions. Better luck with the next one, Rob (and Kristen, too).

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