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Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love Paperback – December 29, 1998

by Dorothy Tennov (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars 42 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 340 pages
  • Publisher: Scarborough House; 2 edition (December 29, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812862864
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812862867
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.8 x 9.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (42 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #309,235 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 starsWell worth a read.
By Kim on November 25, 2002
Format: Paperback
I ordered the book to try and find out all I could about the state of limerence that I was in. I was hoping to find advice on how to end the limerent feelings (which the book did contain to a certain degree, ie basically avoid the person you feel limerent about, if it is unrequited)
The book was very helpful in that it made me feel somewhat normal, and I discovered my feelings and bursts of intense creativity, overwhelming sadness, interspersed with the highs that come with fleeting hope are a regular part of this condition. It made me feel like I wasn't so alone, and not totally insane.
From a psychological point of view I found the book and theories interesting. There are many limerent case histories peppered throughout the book. If you have been (or still are) in a limerent state you will recognise the patterns!! You will see parts of yourself in many of the case histories!
The one draw-back to the book is while reading it, and for about a week afterwards my limerence steadily increased. I lent the book to a friend, who is also going through the same thing, and the same thing happened to him.
If you are feeling love-sick or know of somebody who is- get the book it is money well spent(especially if it's unrequited love) but be warned that intensity might increase for a short duration. It really is well written and informative.
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5.0 out of 5 starsLove Obsessed?
By J. on May 26, 2002
Format: Paperback
What a wealth of information Dorothy Tennov offers. What a resource for those who become love obsessed with one particular person. Apparently it is not all of us. Some of us become "limerant" (her name for being "in love") and some of us never do. Some of us are limerant sometimes and other times not. It is key to know that the condition is NOT LOVE. That it is INVOLUNTARY, that it is NORMAL, that it has existed since the beginning of history, that there are probably EVOLUTIONARY REASONS for it, that there are TRIGGERS which set it in motion, that "sufferers", are legion, that practically nothing is known about preventing it, or ending it at will. Ouch!
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5.0 out of 5 starsLove and Limerence
By Dave S. Romain on April 18, 2013
Format: Paperback
I purchased Dorothy Tennov's book thirty years ago while studying at SUNY Stony Brook. Her book identifies two kinds of lovers; those who love another person and those who experience 'being in love" with another. The latter she termed limerence as there was no term in English for that pattern of loving experience.

I have been limerent then as I am now, so Tennov's thoughts on the subject are as true for me now as they were then. Some people switch patterns and some never do.

Limerent purchasers of Tennov's book will discover they are not alone and that the heightened emotions, bordering emotional suffering, is shared by limerent others.

Personally, I feel that limerence, "being in love", is a gift from which I need no cure but what I had to learn is how to add proper psychological sight or judgment to my self knowledge.

Limerent human beings should develop a hardened emotional resilience and unrelenting will that will allow him/her to walk away from unrequited love. Limerence can be devastating when the person one is limerent about falls of his/her pedestal into someone else's bed. In that case, don't waste time screaming and shouting, crying on your girlfriend's couch or feeling miserable. Separate yourself from the individual physically and gradually the emotional fire will ebb as well. And never, never forget that the object of your love is not worthy of the madness you felt about them. In short, walk away or condemn yourself to limerent hell.

I fell in love with a beautiful half-indian, half-black seventeen year old twenty-nine years ago. I was twenty-one. Her mother did not care for my religious views and so she encouraged this young woman to date an up coming soccer star. They got married and had two children and two grand-children.Read more ›
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5.0 out of 5 starsThis book helped me more than any counseling session.
By John Countryman on May 25, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book explained what happened to me numerous times when meeting different women to whom I was very attracted. I discovered that I could control the degree into which I became "limerent" by the messages I told myself about the other person. It helped me to conclude that emotional responses by human beings are created by the self talk we do. As a result of reading this book, discussing it's premise with others, and sharing it with friends, I have found a wonderful relationship with a person who cares for me in the same way I care for her. It's a mature, deep friendship spiced by delightful suprises. For an easy reading, helpful, yet scientific look at attractive relationships, you can't do better than this book.
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4.0 out of 5 starsBEST BOOK CRITICAL OF ROMANTIC LOVE
By James L. Park on August 12, 2010
Format: Paperback
Dorothy Tennov
Love and Limerence:
The Experience of Being in Love

(Briarcliff Manor, NY: Stein & Day, 1979) 324 pages
(Library of Congress call number: BF575.L8T46)
(Lanham, MD: Scarborough House, 1999;
paperback reprint with added preface) 357 pages
(ISBN: 0812862864; paperback)
(Library of Congress call number: [about the same as above] )

An excellent description of how romantic love feels from the inside
--as experienced by the person who has 'fallen in love'.
This is perhaps the most complete description of romantic love in print.
Here are the major features of the condition of "limerence":

1. a magical, ecstatic, enchanted feeling--an emotional 'high'.

2. vast overestimation of the good qualities of the beloved
and minimization of the faults.

3. acute longing for reciprocation from the love object.

4. deep mood-swings--from elation to depression.

5. involuntary, compulsive, repetitive, obsessive thinking
about the love object (even if there is no response).

6. deep heart-ache when limerence is over.

Love and Limerence is based on extensive original research,
mostly among college students in the 1970s.
They answered questionnaires about their feelings;
and many had comprehensive interviews with the author.
The book includes several first-person accounts
of romantic love and its aftermath.

The major chapters of Love and Limerence discuss these themes:

§ The individual's experience of limerence.

§ The social effects of 'falling in love'.

§ Variations between the sexes and people of different sexual orientations.

§ The biological basis of limerence.Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 starsFour Stars

interesting book

Published 2 months ago by wyfrauline
5.0 out of 5 starsWhen Counsellors, Psychologists and Psychotherapists couldn't help...

I will begin by saying probably 99% of healthcare professionals have never heard of Limerance or if they have they want nothing to do with it. Read more

Published 13 months ago by Nikkles
1.0 out of 5 starsDO NOT READ THIS BOOK IF YOU ARE SUFFERING A BREAKUP

DO NOT READ THIS BOOK IF YOU ARE SUFFERING A BREAKUP.

I had to write this review to save others from the suffering this book caused me. Read more

Published 14 months ago by Trini Lopez
5.0 out of 5 starsDefinitely a worthwhile read...

I came across the title of this book in a magazine article I saw, and needless to say, it jolted my curiosity to want to read the book. Read more

Published 15 months ago by Albert Bolter Author of The C.A.T. Principle: Change, Action, Trust - Words to Live By
5.0 out of 5 starsReal eye opener! I think back and see how ...

Real eye opener! I think back and see how I got caught up in inference.

Published 17 months ago by Kindle Customer
4.0 out of 5 starsInteresting

It was exciting in the beginning, but a slow tedious read. However it did help me understand in depth,that what I'm going through is not all my fault. Read more

Published 19 months ago by DD
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Excellent book

Published 19 months ago by Violeta
5.0 out of 5 starsRead it before you fall in love again...

Oh god... please buy this and give it to everyone you know who is in love with the most perfect soul mate they have ever met that they want to run away with and make babies with... Read more

Published 19 months ago by T. Curtin
5.0 out of 5 starsA discovery of self and others

Thanks to Dorothy Tennov for bringing some understanding to these experiences. I happened upon her book serendipitously through reading a book entitled "Loves me... Read more

Published 23 months ago by Bunny
5.0 out of 5 starsThis book helped me turn a five day limerent nightmare ...

This book helped me turn a five day limerent nightmare into an important learning experience. I am so thankful for this book. The information is extremely relevant to my life. Read more

Published 23 months ago by Celtic Warrior 17

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