The Spark: A Mother's Story of Nurturing, Genius, and Autism: Barnett, Kristine: 9780812983562: Amazon.com: Books

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Kristine Barnett

The Spark: A Mother's Story of Nurturing, Genius, and Autism

by Kristine Barnett (Author)

4.6 1,835 ratings

Goodreads Choice Award nominee

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Kristine Barnett’s son Jacob has an IQ higher than Einstein’s, a photographic memory, and he taught himself calculus in two weeks. At nine he started working on an original theory in astrophysics that experts believe may someday put him in line for a Nobel Prize, and at age twelve he became a paid researcher in quantum physics. But the story of Kristine’s journey with Jake is all the more remarkable because his extraordinary mind was almost lost to autism. At age two, when Jake was diagnosed, Kristine was told he might never be able to tie his own shoes.

The Spark is a remarkable memoir of mother and son. Surrounded by “experts” at home and in special ed who tried to focus on Jake’s most basic skills and curtail his distracting interests—moving shadows on the wall, stars, plaid patterns on sofa fabric—Jake made no progress, withdrew more and more into his own world, and eventually stopped talking completely. Kristine knew in her heart that she had to make a change. Against the advice of her husband, Michael, and the developmental specialists, Kristine followed her instincts, pulled Jake out of special ed, and began preparing him for mainstream kindergarten on her own.

Relying on the insights she developed at the daycare center she runs out of the garage in her home, Kristine resolved to follow Jacob’s “spark”—his passionate interests. Why concentrate on what he couldn’t do? Why not focus on what he could? This basic philosophy, along with her belief in the power of ordinary childhood experiences (softball, picnics, s’mores around the campfire) and the importance of play, helped Kristine overcome huge odds.

The Barnetts were not wealthy people, and in addition to financial hardship, Kristine herself faced serious health issues. But through hard work and determination on behalf of Jake and his two younger brothers, as well as an undying faith in their community, friends, and family, Kristine and Michael prevailed. The results were beyond anything anyone could have imagined.

Dramatic, inspiring, and transformative, The Spark is about the power of love and courage in the face of overwhelming obstacles, and the dazzling possibilities that can occur when we learn how to tap the true potential that lies within every child, and in all of us.

Praise for The Spark

“[An] amazing memoir . . . compulsive reading.”—The Washington Post

“The Spark is about the transformative power of unconditional love. If you have a child who’s ‘different’—and who doesn’t?—you won’t be able to put it down.”—Sylvia Nasar, author of A Beautiful Mind

“Love, illness, faith, tragedy and triumph—it’s all here. . . . Jake Barnett’s story contains wisdom for every parent.”—Newsday

“This eloquent memoir about an extraordinary boy and a resilient and remarkable mother will be of interest to every parent and/or educator hoping to nurture a child’s authentic ‘spark.’”—Publishers Weekly

“Compelling . . . Jake is unusual, but so is his superhuman mom.”—Booklist

“The Spark describes in glowing terms the profound intensity with which a mother can love her child.”—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon and Far from the Tree

“Every parent and teacher should read this fabulous book!”—Temple Grandin, author of Thinking in Pictures and co-author of The Autistic Brain

Print length

288 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Random House Trade Paperbacks
Publication date

March 25, 2014
Dimensions

5.26 x 0.63 x 7.95 inches
ISBN-10

0812983564
ISBN-13

978-0812983562
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How Much Human Potential Are We Wasting?

Reviewed in the United States on July 27, 2013

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To read The Spark is to ask the question. Kristine Barnett talks about her son, who turns out to be a genius in astronomy and mathematics, perhaps even more of a genius than Einstein. Jacob is diagnosed with autism because of his lack of response to the world. Perhaps he was generating equations in his head and was too busy to respond. You have to wonder about this. How does a human being communicate with an ant, so that the ant recognizes what you are trying to communicate? Most people would give up trying. We don't know that Jacob reacted this way. What we DO know is that he had a mother who is like a mother tiger, defending her son against all the people who would gladly consign her son to the ash heap. She didn't even have a hint of his brilliance at first. She simply fought for him. Would that all mothers would take this attitude, and have the insight to figure out HOW to reach the nub of the problem. The writer establishes what a difficult time she had finding people who understood the problem well enough to help. Most people throw up their hands and send such a mother and son packing.

I found the book very uplifting because of Jacob's personal triumph. My husband found it depressing, just thinking of all the people who have been wasted because no one fought for them, no one recognized their potential, and no one was willing to undertake the task of figuring out how to unlock these children. It reminds me of a person with Down Syndrome I know well, whose language development was in the neighborhood equivalent to an IQ of 150, and who lost his advantage because everyone he worked with had NO understanding of how to help him learn. As a result, his talents have never been developed, and as a young adult, he is unlikely to find anyone who will help him develop them. As with a child with Down Syndrome, the child with autism will have a unique learning style, one that requires a setting different from what we have designed (or not) for most children. The system we have works poorly for nearly all children, but especially for people with unusual learning styles. Instead of judging and condemning children, we need to figure out what we did wrong, and meet their needs. In my opinion, this book helps provide the impetus.

I would have to disagree with Barnett about one thing. We don't NEED to give these children a "normal childhood". We need to ASK them if this is what they need and want. We put far too much emphasis on sports. For many people, it is a religion. I was never interested in sports. I wasn't interested for their own sake, and the attitudes of other children to those who had no gift in this area, but have gifts elsewhere, just cemented my feelings. Jacob didn't need to spend time doing things that were irrelevant to his purpose in life. Fortunately, he wasn't overwhelmed with such irrelevant demands. But I question whether or not we even know what a "normal childhood" should be, and whether we should try to help the unique children among us to be involved in such a waste of time. I think Maria Montessori had a much better idea of what a "normal childhood" should be, but few people heed what she taught us. Another thing that isn't clear to me is whether or not a person with the genius of a Jacob can have "real friendships". How can you have a friendship in depth with someone who hasn't a CLUE what you are talking about when you are talking about your consuming passion? Certainly having friends is quite desirable. I value my friends. Everyone will value those who nurture them in some way. But that is not to say that we are obliged to "fix" lack of friendships for children with genius, inasmuch as we have no idea what friendship means to them anyway. Sooner or later, they will find such people who can be true friends, and they might not even find them in Mensa, which seems to be a place primarily for boasting about your IQ anyway. People with real genius and drive don't have time for games like that.

So let's forget the games. If you are inspired by genius, read this book. Just understand that even mothers with a real instinct for nurturing genius don't always fully understand or get it right, either. But our primary task is to convince the world that people of genius deserve their place in the world, and that who belongs in that class isn't at all obvious to most of us. Let us find ways to nurture everyone, regardless of how much we dislike their deviance from our pet ideas of sociability. Reading books like this is a very good start toward this essential understanding. What can we learn from a book like this? I hope that in general we will learn plenty, but it has to start with books like this.

4 people found this helpful

Nice content and presentation. Easy to read font and font size.

Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2023

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Nice content and presentation. Easy to read font and font size.

Rebecca Kochenderfer

10 Things You'll Learn From This Wonderful, Wonderful Book

Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2014

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The Spark is well worth reading. While you are following the story of how Kristine Barnett was able to connect with her son and release his gifts, you will be thinking of how you can strengthen the relationship with your own children, and how you can help them develop their own special talents. Too often in life we are told that we are not enough. That we have to fix our weaknesses and change who we are, in order to succeed. The Spark shows us a different way to raise our children and maybe even a different way of looking at ourselves. The author's advice can be summed up into the following:

1) You are not alone. Build a community. Believe in your kids, and in each other's kids. Do it together. Don't wait for the system to come and save your kids. "Through resilience and hard work, we'd done it ourselves, and we'd done it together." (101)

2) Focus on your child's gifts and do whatever you can to nurture his or her passion. "Any child will outperform your expectations if you can find a way to feed his or her passion." (73)

3) Give your child a place to be himself or herself – an art studio, a cooking place, a construction area – but "give it freely and without any expectations." (70)

4) Watch and really listen to your child. Then get out of their way. "Showing a child that you take his or her passion seriously and want to share in it is the most powerful catalyst in the world." (76)

5) Gifted children are afforded much more time in their day to focus on the things they care about. Give your child that time. (95)

6) Get into your child's world, instead of expecting him to come out to you.

7) Follow your intuition and trust yourself. "Every parent has to be a fighter on behalf of his or her kid, not only the parents of kids with autism or developmental disorders." (102)

8) In all things, there has to be a balance. Don't forget the importance of childhood and of simply having fun. "I believe it's a parents job to close up the chess board and send the kid outside to play. The child needs to have friends his own age; he can't discover who he is in a vacuum. (134)

9) Whenever you feel depleted, connect with your senses. Make your house smell like a home. Make yourself physically warm and comfortable. Nourish yourself and your family with a home-cooked meal. "Indulging the senses isn't a luxury, but a necessity." (160)

10) It's hard to trust your child to find his or her own path, especially when we are told every day that children must fit into rigid boxes. But take the leap. Celebrate your child's passions. "If you fuel a child's innate spark, it will always point the way to far greater heights then you could ever have imagined." (250)

In the author's words: "Don't ever be afraid to be who you are. Find out what you love to do and do it." (x)

18 people found this helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Duncan Williamson

A Mother with Drive

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 28, 2013

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My overall conclusion of this book is that it is not quite the book I thought it might have been. That's not to say the book is not good, it is good. What I mean is that the book, written by Jacob's mother, is more to do with the life surrounding Jacob than about Jacob and his autism.

However, there are many insights into Jacob and his talents and what I would say is that I recommend the parent of any autistic child to read this book.

Perhaps the most important thing about the book is the mother's relentless drive and energy. Kris Barnett took hold of her son's life and made a big difference to it. Jacob seemed normal at first but then he withdrew into himself as autistic children often do. What Kris did next has probably unleashed a mind so startling that physics will be rewritten. Kris decided that therapy was not what Jacob needed: being stretched, stretched and stretched again was. That's what has been happening. Jacob has been through school, college and now university and he is still just a small child.

From the above perspective, then, this is a book about Kris Barnett as much as it is about Jacob Barnett.

A colleague has a son with asperger's syndrome and I recommended The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time to him. I write to him yesterday and recommended this book too.

As an aside, I went onto one or two web sites to read more objective comments on Jacob than his mother could, no offence intended. I found some rather disparaging remarks by some people. I took everything the mother said at face value.

This could well turn out to be a very remarkable story indeed.

Duncan

11 people found this helpful

RecklessSpirit

Great story

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 14, 2014

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I really enjoyed this book; this story about Jake's development, life story and his family life. Jake's mother has done an excellent job in encouraging him to follow his interests (Physics, Maths) but also is determined for help him socially and encourages him playing sport. Not particularly well written in parts - e.g. gotten??? but the author is not a writer so I am not expecting it to be world class writing. Also the book brings in some things into the story but doesn't quite finish them off. Wes' illness for example. Ignoring these bits; this is a lovely story about a child's development and success against the odds and it is interesting to have an insight into his upbringing/home life/the day care and little light group. It has also reminded me in a way to keep encouraging what my 4 year old daughter wants to do (drawing at the moment) - I have decided to just let her draw if that is what she wants to do rather than trying "lets finish drawing now and do on a puzzle" and then getting a moody toddler. Read this book how it is meant to be taken; not as a "how to treat autism book" or a "perfect mother making others look bad" as I have seen in other reviews; but as a story about mother's love, an autistic savant and his journey so far.

William Jordan

moving stories of getting through to an autistic child, of a child genius in the family and of a family surviving great hardship

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 16, 2013

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This book I would very strongly recommend for its story of how the author managed to make contact with her autistic child (work to build on what he could do, rather than concentrating on trying to fix what was amiss), and then of the issues arise with having a child genius in the family (as the autistic child turns out to be). There's also a good deal of the author's family history (she is Amish, had an inventor grandfather, has financial difficulties during the financial crisis, and another child with grave medical problems, as well as having a stroke aged 30 and being diagnosed with lupus).

This is, overall, really heart-warming and has messages for us all about how to relate to children - and indeed to one another. It also paints a picture of a remarkable family and some remarkable individuals (both the author and her children). Some parts will however, remain with me for longer than others - what's unique here is around Jacob, reaching him and what he's capable of, rather than, say, the family history (interesting though that is).

One person found this helpful

Ceon P.

Easy read. When dealing with Autism

Reviewed in Canada on December 18, 2017

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Easy read. When dealing with Autism, astrophysics, and beyond the special theory of relativity, you might think there would be some pretty heady thesis involved. BUT, the story is told through the words of a Mom trying to hold onto her family and allow them to unlimit their potential. As a sidebar, Mom's charitable spirit does not allow her to just open the way for her family, but her surrounding community as well.

Mom undersells her efforts as she highlights the stumbling blocks that arise when raising children with difficulties. She points out her sister was an art prodigy, her eldest son a physics/history/everything else prodigy, and, although it is glossed over - her younger two sons were taking college level classes in their pre-teens/early teens. And she and Dad (Michael) are just ordinary parents trying to get by.

Mom was able to see the spark in so many children and gently fan it to life AND Dad, despite his misgivings of letting his child who was critically in need of therapy, has faith in his wife's gift and agrees to do things her way. A delightful story.

Amazon Customer

Good Story, Not Realistic

Reviewed in Canada on March 12, 2019

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It's well written. A good story when things seem bleak in the midst of raising a special needs child and you need a bit of a pick-me-up. BUT it's so completely not realistic that I can't give it a good review. The only thing I took away from this was something I was already doing: letting my child show me his path. This is a story of a child prodigy. He was reading, writing, doing math at ages that most kids are learning how to run or jump.

It made me feel kinda crappy though, not going to lie. I feel like I'm failing my non-verbal son. Do NOT read this as a non-fiction book. It might be non-fiction for the writer, but this certainly is only something most people, even parents of neurotypical kids, can only dream about happening. It's fiction for us. And it's nice to get away from medical journals, and the hundred (or thousands) of parent training sessions and hours I put in and the other books out there meant to help guide you through your life with a child on the spectrum, but that's all this book is good for. A get away to a life where amazing things you can only dream of wistfully happen before returning to your 'normal' life. I made a point to finish this cover to cover, but it made me so depressed that I stayed awake all night crying over how I will probably never hear my child say "I love you" vs her problems of whether or not to put my child into college.

2 people found this helpful

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