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Nika C. Beamon

I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married: Successful Single Black Women Speak Out Paperback – May 1, 2009

by Nika C. Beamon (Author), Dr. Bella DePaulo (Foreword)

5 customer reviews

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Women once saw living single as a transitional period--singles marked time till they found “the one.” But now marriage is the transitional stage, connecting one unmarried period of life to another.

In I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married, through lively and revealing interviews with women from various walks of life, Nika C. Beamon explores the challenges facing single black women who defy expectations. They candidly discuss aging without a man and reevaluate dating, single homeownership, career, children, and caring for aged parents. The book speaks directly to the black woman’s experience, addressing challenges such as income discrepancies between genders, the high rate of male incarceration, and the Baby Mama Syndrome.

Written in the best tradition of women talking to women, and girlfriend to girlfriend, the book delivers tales of lessons learned, hard times and good times, told by women who found ways to achieve their dreams by defying convention.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Despite the continued cultural emphasis on marriage, 70 percent of black women will live their lives as singles—widowed and divorced, but mostly never married. Whether this statistic is viewed as good, bad, or indifferent depends on a woman’s individual perspective. Beamon, a television news writer–producer, presents interviews with 21 successful black women fully enjoying singlehood with a range of opinions on their marriage prospects. Among the women interviewed are actress Kim Coles, author Deborah Gregory (of Cheetah Girls fame) movie producer Effie Brown, and an assortment of other professionals. The women applaud the television shows Living Single and Girlfriends for depictions of beautiful and successful single black women, and discuss the sometimes negative images of black women and the impact of the high unemployment and incarceration rates of black men on marriage prospects. Mostly, they recount their own personal journeys to accepting, enjoying, and capitalizing on their time as single women. Though written from black women’s perspectives, this book has appeal for all women looking for a fresh take on being single. --Vanessa Bush

Review

"Although I am an award-winning filmmaker, TV personality, and author, many of my family members feel as though I lead a shallow and empty life because I choose to be unmarried without children. In this well-researched and thoughtful tome, Nika Beamon has given a voice to true choice among women in this postmillennial era." —Abiola Abrams, BET host and author, Dare

"Truly an insightful gift for single women." —Pat Stevenson, CEO and Publisher, Harlem News Group, Inc.

"An important addition to works on the lives and options of African American women, and an absorbing read." —Julianne Malveaux, president, Bennett College for Women

"This book is for women of all ages . . . you will definitely enjoy this book from cover-to-cover." —APOOObooks.com, website dedicated to African American lit

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Product details

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Chicago Review Press (May 1, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781556528194
ISBN-13: 978-1556528194
ASIN: 1556528191
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.4 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 5 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,863,578 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #13411 in African American Demographic Studies
- #23385 in Gender Studies (Books)
- #27586 in Women's Studies (Books)

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Crystal

Not just for black women

January 30, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I liked this book. I have read several of these types of books in the past year, and in some ways this was just more of the same (don't settle, be patient, you're not alone, better to be alone and happy than married and unhappy, etc.).

However, this book of admittedly only ~176 pages took a very smart, insightful, and inspiring approach that I had not yet gotten from other similar types of books: it presented the information from a black woman's perspective. To be honest, I had no idea how much more complicated the story would be from that point of view. I won't give away the book here because I don't think I could do it justice, but this was eye-opening for sure.

The book consists of ~20 interviews (and not the boring script types with colons, but summaries of what were probably extensive conversations, along with some direct quotes for emphasis, which to me made it more readable). And the women interviewed came from a very, very wide range of backgrounds, from very conservative to very liberal, from sisters to sistahs.

If you are a black woman, you will enjoy the book because it speaks to so many us personally, regardless of the letters behind our names. Some points you will have already lived through or dealt with, while others will make light bulbs come on. "So that explains it. So that is why XYZ happened. Etc."

If you are a non-black woman, you will enjoy the book because it will likely surprise you how universal many affluence-related problems are, while at the same time it just might help you appreciate your own problems in a new light. And smile. Laugh, even.

And if you are a man, regardless of your background, you will enjoy this book because it will probably read like a manual entitled "How to Love the Successful Black Woman."

Enjoy.

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Independent Woman

June 1, 2009

Format: Paperback

I Didn't Work This Hard Just To Get Married by Nika C. Beamon is filled with exclusive interviews ranging from celebrities to common folks just like you and me. What do we have in common you might ask? We have been told for generations that men were the bread winners that women were defined by the type of man that they married, and women could not be happy, stable or secure if they did not get married or at least have a man in their lives. Ms. Beamon takes a stand and denounces all that is not holy, by saying women can and will conquer. As women we define ourselves, we cannot let our happiness be put on the back burner or in the hands of someone less capable of making themselves happy.

I Didn't Work This Hard Just To Get Married is filled with statistics, great information and details on how society views black women and our obligations to our children, families, and communities. We are also privy to some quirky tales of marriages gone wrong, single parenting, baby-mama drama and much more. These women express how they have been able to re-evaluate themselves and move forward. Not feeling obligated to marry or have a partner seems to be okay to these independent, self-sufficient hard-working women.

This book is for women of all ages; women who believe their clocks are ticking and are running out of time. Women who feel like they need a man to define them, you will definitely enjoy this book from cover-to-cover as you take this journey into finding yourself.

Reviewed by: Cheryl Hayes
APOOO BookClub

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The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers

All The Single Ladies

January 2, 2010

Format: Paperback

There are many women in this world who are classified as "single"...single mothers, single caregivers, etc. Being single seems to be normal in today's culture and society. Single spans many races but the focus here is on African American single women. Single women face the challenges of having careers, raising children and taking care of home. This book takes an in-depth look at several women who share their stories of being single and how they are just fine living this single life.

I DIDN'T WORK THIS HARD JUST TO GET MARRIED was a good read. It outlined many successful women and their careers and how they hope to one day have a committed relationship which will include marriage. Beamon also gives us views on women who have been married or once in committed relationships, but at some point, they end up being "single" because they didn't get what they were seeking from the relationship. Some men are intimidated by successful women and they tend to shy away from women who make more money than they do. Beamon does a good job in tying all the components in the book and it gives the reader a new perspective on being single in 2009.

Reviewed by Cheryl Dublin
for The RAWSISTAZ(tm) Reviewers

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African Americans on the Move Book Club

AAMBC Book Reviews

August 10, 2009

Format: Paperback

This book was very refreshing to read because these women were all real. I loved how Nika C. Beamon put the ladies stories into life. I felt as if I knew them and as they told their stories I understood more and more why most women are single. The fact those women out number men and then most men are less educated or in jail, or have some type of issue lowers the dating pool. But in all most women did state that they would rather be happy then miserable and in a relationship. I loved this book because it spoke truth. Most women are not single because they cant find a date its because they choose to be that way. Read this book and you will understand why some choose to just not get married,

Tamika Newhouse
AAMBC Book Reviews

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Kisha Townes

Intelligent and Informative

November 19, 2009

Format: Paperback

I loved this book and will work hard to spread the word about it!! It is much better for ANYONE to be single and happy, than in an unhealthy relationship and miserable. This book also does NOT portray black women as angry or hostile, but they are upwardly mobile intelligent black women. These women understand that they are responsible for their own happiness, and they live life on their own terms.

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