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What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom For The End Of Life Paperback – July 10, 2003
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Dr. Kuhl presents ways of finding new life in the process of dying, understanding the inner reality of living with a terminal illness, and addressing the fear of pain, as well as pain itself. He also offers concrete guidance on how to enhance doctor/patient relationships and hold family meetings, and provides an introduction to the process of life review.
It is possible to find meaning and peace in the face of death. What Dying People Want "helps us learn to view the knowledge of death as a gift, not a curse." (New Times)
- Print length352 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPublicAffairs
- Publication dateJuly 10, 2003
- Dimensions5.55 x 1 x 8.45 inches
- ISBN-101586481975
- ISBN-13978-1586481971
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Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book informative and useful for caregivers. It provides good ideas and suggestions for being with those who are dying. Readers describe the storytelling as practical, well-written, and easy to understand. They consider it a valuable read about a taboo topic and a good gift for friends and family. The emotional content is touching and heartwarming.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book informative and useful for caregivers. They say it provides good ideas and suggestions for those caring for the dying. The book is considered practical and easy to read, making it a must-read for anyone caring for the dying.
"Great suggestions and discussions about a topic most people can't talk about. Important to read and discuss." Read more
"...Very informative and definitely valued reading about a taboo topic to many people in our society." Read more
"...And, the book is an excellent guide for being with those who are dying." Read more
"...This book has helped me consider my own end of life relationships and my interaction with those around me that are near death...." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They appreciate the practical storytelling and well-written content. The author explains the topic in detail and the hard work put into it by the author and others.
"...I appreciate the hard work the author put into it, and the many people who cooperated with him as he did his research...." Read more
"...It is down-to-earth and very easy to understand, with many examples from the author's fifteen years in palliative care...." Read more
"...Very informative and definitely valued reading about a taboo topic to many people in our society." Read more
"I like this book as it seems to be the most practical, easy to read book about what dying people are going through, as well as a friend's or sibling..." Read more
Customers find the book helpful for those who have to see the doctor frequently and are in need of answers. They also say it's a good gift for friends and family who may have a loved one nearing the end stage.
"...with the many infirmaties of that age I found this to be an excellent compendium of how I feel at this stage of my life...." Read more
"...This is a great book to give to friends and family who may have a loved one nearing the end stage of life." Read more
"Good book for every one who has to go see the dr often and is in need of answers good read" Read more
Customers find the book touching and heartwarming. They say it's informative and well-written.
"...and comfort in it each time I read it, and now I am feeling better emotionally, and I have no problem now excusing myself so that I can go put on my..." Read more
"This book is great! It was very informative. The stories were heart warming and written very well...." Read more
"A very "touching" book, in more ways than one...." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2010http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0036WS4WU/ref=cm_cr_rev_prod_img
When I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I was somewhat more stunned than I had expected to be. I knew how many people in my mother's family had died from it, and only two months earlier I had asked my internist if she thought I was heading into heart failure. I knew I had several of the symptoms, and was concerned. She assured me that I did not have congestive heart failure, but I had an upcoming visit with my pulmonologist. When he referred me me to a cardiologist, the cardiologist did tests that were more specific than those the pulmonologist did, and told me that I was in the very early stages of diastolic heart failure. A look through the internet when I got home told me that diastolic heart failure eventually leads to overall congestive heart failure, which is fatal unless the patient dies of something else first. Only 50 % of those diagnosed with congestive heart failure, no matter how early it is caught, are alive ten years later. I spent the first week in shock, crying off and on, not because I am afraid of dying--I am not--but because I knew how my family would grieve, and I especially didn't want to die in front of the grandchildren.
I went to Kindle to see if I could find good books on dying, and latched onto this one. I found it agreed with my philosophy--do not lie to the patient, do not make the patient lie to you, let the patient die in dignity. I had written an impassioned conversation in my only (so far) fantasy novel, between two young men, one of whom saw his grandfather dying while being forced by those around him to pretend he thought he would recover. I wanted to know what I could reasonably expect from my loved ones, and how to bring it to their attention.
My internist kept pointing out to me that at present I am at a very early stage, and probably have ten to fifteen years left in front of me. But I remembered my grandfather, dying suddenly while trimming the hedge, when I was five years old, and I am twenty years older than he was. I knew the ailment was diagnosed early on, because I had a complete cardiology workup a year and a half earlier before major surgery and there was no sign of it then. But that said nothing about my prognosis, and neither did the fact that my son, twenty-five years younger than I am, had already had four heart attacks and three stents.
I reread WHAT DYING PEOPLE WANT several times, finding more encouragement and comfort in it each time I read it, and now I am feeling better emotionally, and I have no problem now excusing myself so that I can go put on my oxygen hose.
This book is a comfort to the dying and to the soon-to-be bereaved. I appreciate the hard work the author put into it, and the many people who cooperated with him as he did his research. I have also read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and find her work helpful, but unlike some of Dr. Kuhl's readers, I find his work more useful than hers. I recommend this book very highly.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2017Great suggestions and discussions about a topic most people can't talk about. Important to read and discuss.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2014I've read more than 25 books on caring for the dying and written an extensive annotated bibliography on them. I found this one recently and would put it up there with the best.
It is down-to-earth and very easy to understand, with many examples from the author's fifteen years in palliative care.
In particular, what impressed me was Chapter Four, "Being Touched, Being in Touch." Touch may be equal with pain relief for the total comfort of the dying patient. We do pretty well with pain and not so well with touch. Many patients are never touched in love or just kindness. Nurses and doctors touch in doing necessary clinical care. Even loved ones may just kiss the patient on the forehead when they leave. No one ever just sits and holds the patient's hand.
Kuhl gives plenty of evidence for the importance of touch. For example, a study of premature babies in pediatric ICU's found that those who were taken out of the incubator daily and had their stomachs gently stroked had a fifty percent higher survival rate than babies who were not touched.
Our need for touch never leaves us, but for various reasons this is forgotten in the dying process, where it may be most important. Holding hands, head rubs (my favorite), tummy rubs, stroking an arm or leg, there are many ways to touch in a safe manner that won't be misunderstood. If you're a man with a male who's dying and you feel uncomfortable about holding a man's hand, hold his wrist. It's not so important what part of the skin it is, just that someone is touching with love and care.
While the book is addressed to a lay audience, professionals need to be reminded of this as they hurry through their overloaded day. Just two or three minutes of holding a hand, speaking soft and with care, even to the comatose, may be very important.
Please, anyone who reads this, touch a loved one today. And remember this when you visit a dying friend of loved one.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2014At the overipe age of 78 and burdened with the many infirmaties of that age I found this to be an excellent compendium of how I feel at this stage of my life. As luck would have it I Amazoned upon this book which honestly, but compassionately tells it like it is. We all want a bit more runway before our final take off from planet earth. The author explains in detail why that is not always possible. He discusses how to deal with the reality of our limited, uncertain life span and the wishes of other people prior to that final journey. Very informative and definitely valued reading about a taboo topic to many people in our society.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2014This is OK. I read part of it during a time that I had taken an interest in healthcare decision-making for persons facing end-of-life decisions, you know the whole "How to Die In Oregon" and the related materials. The book just never really spoke to me or grabbed me or whatever, perhaps my fault, perhaps not.
Top reviews from other countries
KiaraReviewed in Canada on August 19, 20205.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Needed this for a class. The shipping took a bit longer than I'd hoped but was well worth it! I'd recommend this as a read outside of my class as well. It is very well-done, props to the author.
JyotiReviewed in Canada on January 19, 20224.0 out of 5 stars Book
First hand book
JimReviewed in Canada on February 9, 20185.0 out of 5 stars Good buy
Arrived within a week. The book was in very good condition.
Sue DownReviewed in Canada on January 29, 20184.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
good resource....fast delivery...
FifiReviewed in Canada on February 14, 20165.0 out of 5 stars A good reference/guide for living life too
A must for everyone to read. A good reference/guide for living life too.


