Some people might be shocked to find out that a book with this title is written by two Christians. Others might be even more shocked to find out it's published by Focus on the Family. Yet it has to be asked why should anyone be shocked. Our holy book as Christians contains the Song of Songs, a very sexual text indeed, and our God is the God who made the whole system of sex.
So now let's get down to the details. This book is written for men and presumably, men in a Christian marriage. The book starts off with dealing with one of the great myths about men and marriage and sex. It is a great myth that most every guy will want to deny, but any married man will know is true.
We men are not sexperts.
Okay? Unless you've spent a lot if time in studying this area, you're really not. We as men think that we have to automatically know everything about sex. We don't. We grow up and get amazed by the women around us and our culture tells us that men are the people who know how to love a lady and that includes sexually.
Most of us who are married know that movies and TV shows are a sham in how they present sex. The man and the woman get together and it all just flows naturally. (Most men also know it's a joke to think the woman is just as eager for the sex as the man is constantly.) You never see a movie or a TV show, at least I haven't, where they say "We should put down a towel first." You don't see scenes of reaching for the lubricant. In movies, everything seems to flow perfectly and easily. That's Hollywood fake sex. It's not real sex.
So once we get past that idea, we can get to the work of learning about what it is we're supposed to do. The Penners work on what kind of lover a man is. A great mistake that can be easily made is asking your wife how she likes a certain touch or activity. Stop it. It turns you into a spectator and makes you focus on a performance instead of an activity. If you talk, talk about what you yourself are feeling in touching and experiencing your wife and she will take the praise and enjoy it.
Ultimately, men need to let the woman lead. She is the star of the show. We're just the supporting actors. Let her guide and don't rush things which will make it even better because then, it's not what you're wanting but what she's wanting. The women in our lives already know we want them. Let us show them how they want us to want them.
Remember also, your goal is to give her a good time. Give her a good experience and you will have a good experience. If you don't think so, then you are just doing things wrong. By the way, ladies reading this. Want to make your husband really happy? Let him know if he does a really good job in the bedroom. (Or whatever room you happen to be in)
Also guys, remember sex doesn't just take place in that room. Sex is an all-day thing. No. Not the way you're thinking. It's in romancing your wife constantly. If I go to the grocery store and Allie is just waiting in the parking lot while I shop, I'm busy sending her text messages and love songs on YouTube. Too many guys come home, show no affection to their wives, ask for dinner and a TV remote, and then expect their wives to be ready for a romantic evening.
Not happening.
Definitely included is to get rid of any pornography. Pornography will not enhance your marriage. Any benefits that are gained will be short-term. The long-term costs are far more serious.
Overall, the Penners would want you to remember that this is God's gift for you. Sex should be enjoyable, but it will take work. You're not naturally a sexpert, but you can learn.
And ladies, there's a chapter at the end for you. This is a little not and guys can be benefitted by reading it. If you ladies want to read this book with your husbands, go ahead. You can say what you agree with and don't agree with and if you desire, put it into practice, perhaps immediately.
This is a good book for married guys to read and not too long to read. The chapters are short and the lessons are easily learned. It could also be a good book for guys about to get married so they can learn what mistakes to not make ahead of time.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
Deeperwatersapologetics.com
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Good information
Clifford and Joyce Penner have worked for decades in counseling, particularly in the area of sexuality. Clifford leads this book and starts off by relating to guys and how sexuality is general seen in society as they grow up, i.e. that the guy is meant to be the expert/leader etc. He starts by saying 'sex works better when the man lets the woman set the pace' referring to how Solomon let his bride lead etc.He speaks of letting sex be a process and not just a race to the finish line. How men need connection and get it through sex whereas women go for intimacy to get connection to need sex. Interesting thoughts. He recommends then that the man goes the women's way to get her to the same place for mutual connection. How remembering her needs is vital and how often men don't which causes a problem too. This book seems to delve into a lot more depth than the women's book did. It touches on some similar things like planning etc however it is written by a man for men. I think the information here in valuable. Please note that I was sent a copy of this book for purposes of review, however all opinions expressed are my own.
