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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Hardcover – September 5, 2004

by Emerson Eggerichs (Author)

2,303 customer reviews

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A Marriage Book with a Difference!

A Revolutionary Message

“I’ve been married 35 years and have not heard this taught.”

“This is the key that I have been missing.”
“You connected all the dots for me.”
“As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material.”
“You’re on to something huge here.”

A Simple Message

A wife has one driving need―to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need―to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.

A Message That Works

Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the Love and Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. What do you want for your marriage? Want some peace? Want to feel close? Want to feel valued? Want to experience marriage the way God intended? Then why not try some Love and Respect.

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Discover the Single Greatest Secret to a Successful Marriage

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.

Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: in marital crisis...wanting to stay happily married...who's feeling lonely. It's for engaged couples...victims of affairs...pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage.

Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: - stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict - initiate the Energizing Cycle of change - enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion

And if you'll take this biblically based counsel to heart, your marriage could be next!

About the Author

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, an internationally known expert on male-female relationships, presents the Love & Respect conference with his wife, Sarah, both live and by video to more than 50,000 people each year, including groups such as the NFL, PGA, and members of congress. With degrees from Wheaton College and Dubuque Seminary and a PhD from Michigan State, Emerson pastored Trinity Church in Lansing for 19 years. He and Sarah have been married since 1973 and have three children.

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Product Details

Hardcover: 324 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (September 5, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1591451876
ISBN-13: 978-1591451877
Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 1.2 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2,303 customer reviews)
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #504 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #7 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance
- #9 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships
- #10 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > General

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Customer Reviews

2,303

4.5 out of 5 stars

5 star		74%
4 star		12%
3 star		6%
2 star		3%
1 star		5%

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Top Customer Reviews

Every couple needs to read this

ByElizabeth D.on August 22, 2012

Format: Hardcover

On the whole, the book was amazing. My husband and I read it out loud to each other and discussed it all along the way. We learned new insights into each other's needs that have been very helpful. We've been applying what we learned to our lives now for months and it's made a real difference. One thing, though, we both disagreed to the words "Love" and "Respect." We changed them, for ourselves, to "Cherish" and "Admire." We felt that more accurately describes what we need from each other. My husband can love our children, love his parents, love my meatloaf, and I DO want him to love me, but even above that I want him to cherish me--I desperately want him to cherish me. My children love me, my friends love me, but from my husband . . . I need even more. We also both agreed that no matter what anyone says, respect must be earned. It means a lot to him that I respect him, but he truly needs more than that from me . . . he needs to be admired by the woman he loves, the woman whose opinion matters most to him.

55 comments 258 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Good principal, disappointed in tone and tangibles...

ByA. Cooperon September 21, 2006

Format: Hardcover

I thought the principal behind the book was something that will help virtually every married couple. My husband and I laughed at sections b/c we found some of the anecdotes so spot on to our daily lives. Eggerichs clearly explained to us why we keep going through the "Crazy Cycle." The Respect/Love needs in men/women is potentially a marriage saver or breaker.

I have 2 constructive criticisms of the book. I still recommend this book, however I do give these caveats:

1. This book talks as if men know how to love their wives. There may be a million books out there on how to do it, but we didn't have those. My husband and I were reading this one. And I grew weary of hearing how women needed to learn to respect their husbands. Frankly, I grasped the principal within the first few pages. After a few chapters, I felt like rolling my eyes a little. Because he paid so little attention to talking about how men should love their wives, it felt like that part was very trivialized. I understand that was not the point, however, the title was "Love & Respect", not just "Respect."

2. I would have liked more tangible examples of exactly what it means to "Respect" my husband. I want to do it. And he made it clear that "nagging, complaining, and whining" at him were disrespectful. But I need more examples. What are the active things I can do? Is it disrespectful to remind my husband to take the garbage out the night before? If it is, then how do I make sure the task gets done w/out reminding him? It isn't an issue of control, but I have to get the kids out the door in the morning and I need help and I need him to do this one thing. Make sense? I need to know how to have those discussions w/out disrespecing him.

I hestitate to use this as a small group book b/c it is so one-sided. And it tends to repeat itself. Again, I got the principal pretty quickly. And as good as it is, after a while, enough is enough. Another reviewer said it felt a bit like a brochure for the conference. That is exactly how I felt.

A good book? Yes. A helpful principle? Absolutely. A must-read? Maybe. But definitely helpful to a Christian marriage and therefore, I do and would recommend it.

9797 comments 752 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

An ok basic premise, but enough problems that I'd advise other books over this one

ByBrian K. Williamon March 24, 2009

Format: Hardcover

The good:

1) I like the connection between love and respect. Every time he says husbands need respect and wives need love, you have to translate that mentally into *both* husbands *and* wives need love *and* respect, but the basic premise is a good one -- the Christian understanding of love indicates an attitude of honoring, respecting, and blessing the other person.

2) The crazy cycle and reward cycle. This is one of the most important things most couples could learn. Our behaviors are self-reinforcing and good things to lead to more good things in a cycle. Likewise, bad things often lead to more bad things. The good news is that we serve a God of redemption and just as the gospel message teaches us that Christ breaks us out of a cycle of sin, God can redeem broken marriages and break them out of destructive cycles.

3) For *some* couples, a disrespectful attitude toward the husband or an unloving attitude toward the wife *is* the problem. For those relationships, I imagine they would benefit greatly from this book.

The not-so-good:

1) As mentioned by several reviewers already, the book is incredibly sexist. I started making a `W' in the margins when Dr. Eggerichs blamed the wife for the problem and a `H' when he blamed the husband. Skimming back through, it's about 90% W's. Just about any time he says something negative about the husband, you are almost guaranteed to get a follow-up sentence about how his wife's pettiness or nagging or belittling comments or criticizing or bitterness or whatever was really the root cause of the husband's behavior. At times, it was to the point I thought he was emasculating men by making us out to be powerless -- we can't take responsibility for our own behavior because every issue is probably our wife's fault anyway.

2) It's kindof a continuation of #1, but I honestly can't believe he found a man and a *woman* to blame the husband's marital infidelity on the wife. Finding a man who wants to justify his immorality by blaming his wife shouldn't be too hard, but Dr. Eggerichs found a woman who blamed *herself* for her husband's philandering. The idea that a man has so little control over his own actions that he is to be expected to wander if his wife doesn't `put out' often enough is just galling.

3) The narrowness of the focus. As I mentioned above, a disrespected husband or unloved wife is a problem for some couples. But there's lots of reasons marriages struggle, and disrespect is only one of the possibilities. Dr. Eggerichs doesn't acknowledge that at all.

4) He spends quite a bit of energy being defensive about it, so Dr. Eggerichs clearly realizes that the idea of unconditional respect has some problems. I honestly don't see the appeal of unconditional respect. If I want respect from my wife (which I most certainly do!), I will act in a way that *deserves* respect. Why would I demand her unconditional respect regardless of my actions unless I couldn't be bothered to earn it?

7474 comments 1,059 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

Skip it.

The workbook is extremely repetitive and has waaay too many questions for each session. My small group can camp out and discuss 3-5 questions and each session has 10+ questions.Read more

Published 15 hours ago by Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Great book for marital problems

Published 15 hours ago by Ben Hutchison

Amazing book that sheads a lot of light on a ...

Amazing book that sheads a lot of light on a marriage and the different needs of a man and a woman in a relationship.Read more

Published 22 hours ago by Robert Leftwich

Five Stars

Good info

Published 2 days ago by ziporia koger

Refreshing

A fresh new perspective on the marriage relationship. Practical, Godly advice for a world that has bought into the whole "demand what you need" mentality.

Published 4 days ago by Darla

Five Stars

TOTALLY AMAZING!! TOTALLY AMAZING!!!! TOTALLY AMAZING!!!

Published 4 days ago by Amazon Customer

Get it!

What a great book for anyone. This principles work for any type of relationship....friendship, partners, coworkers, family, etc. I started reading and couldn't put the book down.Read more

Published 5 days ago by Ray Max

Highly recommend this.

This book drastically improved my marriage several years ago. Now I periodically buy copies to give to friends who are struggling with marital problems. Highly recommend this.

Published 9 days ago by Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Good.

Published 9 days ago by Clara A. Reed

Based on Ephesians 5, the author proposes that a wife’s desire is to feel loved, while the husband’s desire it to feel respected

Based on the well-known biblical passage from Ephesians 5, the author proposes that a wife’s deepest desire is to feel loved, while the husband’s desire it to feel respected.Read more

Published 11 days ago by Matt Anderson

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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Hardcover – September 5, 2004

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