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The Queen of Distraction: How Women with ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get More Done Paperback – October 1, 2014

4.4 out of 5 stars 590 ratings

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Do you rule the realm of disorganization, clutter, and chaos? Are you constantly battling to get things done? Are you ready to give up and toss your day planner into the dungeon (otherwise known as your closet)? If so, you might just be The Queen of Distraction. And whether or not you’ve been formally diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you probably already know that something’s got to give. The Queen of Distraction presents practical skills to help women with ADHD achieve focus and balance in all areas of life, whether it’s at home, at work, or in relationships. Psychotherapist Terry Matlen delves into the feminine side of ADHD―the elements of this condition that are particular to women, such as: relationships, skin sensitivities, meal-planning, parenting, and dealing with out-of-control hormones. In addition, the book offers helpful tips and strategies to get your symptoms under control, and outlines a number of effective treatment options for you to pursue. From getting dressed in the morning, to making it to a job interview, to planning dinner―sometimes just getting through the day can be an ordeal for a woman with ADHD. If you’ve been accused of getting lost in your own world, maybe it’s time to make a change. If you’re ready to start getting organized and stop leaving your groceries in the car, this book can help. It’s more than just a survival guide; it’s an ADHD how-to to help you thrive!
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Editorial Reviews

Review

The Queen of Distraction strikes gold! It is the mother lode of wisdom, practical nuggets, humor, and insight. Terry Matlen is a true veteran of the ADHD saga. This book is authoritative, yet warm; up-to-date, yet timeless. Terry’s masterful guide will help you feel less stressed, more successful, and happier in pursuit of your goals. I recommend it most highly.”
―Edward Hallowell, MD, coauthor of Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction

The Queen of Distraction is an oasis of acceptance and practical ideas for women with ADHD―compassionate and approachable.”
Melissa Orlov, author of The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD




“As a woman who suffers from ADHD herself, Matlen has personally walked the talk. Professionally, she’s worked with countless others with adult ADHD through her coaching and consulting practice. Matlen’s new book serves as an ADHD primer and introduction to all things ADHD. Keep it by your bedside, handy for when you feel low, confused, or alone. Terry’s warm, knowledgeable voice will shine through like a beacon, guiding you with a voice that is supportive and accepting, knowledgeable and practical. Use it as a roadmap and companion as you navigate your journey with adult ADHD.”
―Zoë Kessler, BA, BEd, author of ADHD According to Zoë

“Terry has done an exceptional job bringing together what is known about the science of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in adults as it applies specifically to women, making it live with numerous case examples of women with ADHD telling their own personal stories, and chock-full of sound advice for how to manage the symptoms, deficits, and impairments that are often associated with this disorder in adults. It is among the best and certainly the most current book on the topic of women with ADHD and will be exceptionally valuable to not only women with the disorder but those wishing to better understand it. It is certainly a must-read for therapists and coaches who assist such women through their practices.”
―Russell A. Barkley, PhD, clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at Medical University of South Carolina, RussellBarkley.org and ADHDLectures.com

The Queen of Distraction is a must-read book for understanding how to deal with all the critical problems women with ADHD face daily. It is an appealing, practical, and easy-to read book written with insight, humor, and honesty. The real-life stories and examples provide the optimism and motivation to use the work/life tips to overcome ADHD-related challenges. Matlen provides a gift to women with ADHD. If the goal is managing difficulties such as transitions, clutter, time, emotions, relationships, or parenting, then Matlen provides a critical guide to greater productivity and life satisfaction.”
Geraldine Markel, PhD

“Terry Matlen has learned the hard way how to live a good life with ADHD. Fortunately for her readers, she is smart and funny enough that they can benefit from her experience and wisdom. She does an excellent job of explaining how ADHD impacts the specific demands women face today and offering solutions to make their lives better. This book will make your life easier―you need it!”
―Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, author of Understand Your Brain, Get More Done; More Attention, Less Deficit; and Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD

“Like most of my colleagues, I read each ADHD book that comes out, comparing the usefulness of one to the other. Terry Matlen has hit it out of the ballpark with this one. From the unique and relatable cover, which hints at humor, yet promises content, Ms. Matlen delivers to the reader a most thorough and
helpful handbook for living inside a female, ADHD body (my personal favorite chapter: ‘Clothing Loathing’). Not only does this book lighten the guilt of how we all feel in our clutter, chaos, and ‘lack of measuring up’ to Sally Struthers next door, it also takes each symptom and breaks it down into practical, easy steps to living a more productive and comfortable life! What a concept! Bravo to Matlen for this treasure, which will no doubt become the most worn-out book in any woman’s ADHD library.”
Wilma Fellman, MEd, LPC, career counselor, ADHD coach and trainer, and author of Finding a Career That Works for You and The Other Me: Poetic Thoughts on ADD for Adults, Kids and Parents

“Terry Matlen gives the royal treatment to the topic of women with ADHD in her new book,
The Queen of Distraction. Weaving together a combination of stories from her professional work and her own experience of living with ADHD, Matlen takes readers through all the struggles confronted by women with ADHD in today’s world and provides useful coping tips for tackling them. Whether you are a woman with ADHD or you want to understand the impact of ADHD on the life of your mother, sister, daughter, partner, or any other woman in your life, this book is for you.”
―J. Russell Ramsay, PhD, associate professor of clinical psychology in psychiatry, codirector of the Adult ADHD Treatment and Research Program at the Perelman School of Medicine, University of Pennsylvania, and author of The Adult ADHD Tool Kit

“It’s a fact! Women with ADHD are overwhelmed and hurting. Dial 911 and along comes Terry Matlen’s
The Queen of Distraction to the rescue, offering a prescription to help these women overcome chaos, clutter, and other everyday challenges. Like a skilled surgeon, Matlen cuts to the core of the problem and offers relief. I would recommend this book to every woman with ADHD. It doesn’t matter whether she has an acute issue needing immediate attention or a chronic problem, is newly diagnosed or an ‘old timer’ looking for practical tips: help can be found within these pages.”
―Patricia O. Quinn, MD, Center for Girls and Women with ADHD, Washington, DC

“Many books offer advice to adults with ADHD about how they might cope more effectively with difficulties of daily life. This book is unique in its empathic understanding of emotional needs and stresses of women with ADHD who struggle to manage the complex demands of their daily life. It offers many very practical suggestions from an understanding friend who has been there and has learned from her experience.”
―Thomas E. Brown, PhD, associate director, Yale Clinic for Attention & Related Disorders, Yale University School of Medicine, and author of Smart but Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD

About the Author

Terry Matlen, MSW, is a psychotherapist, consultant, writer, and coach. She is the author of Survival Tips forWomen with ADHD and founder of addconsults.com. Matlen has been interviewed by National Public Radio, the Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, the New York Times, US News and World Report, Newsday, Today, CBS This Morning, The Jane Pauley Show, Ladies’ Home Journal, Glamour, and others.

Foreword writer
Sari Solden, MS, LMFT, is a psychotherapist and consultant in Ann Arbor, Michigan, who has counseled adults with ADHD for over twenty-five years. She is the author of the pioneering books Women with Attention Deficit Disorder and Journeys Through ADDulthood, as well as a prominent keynote speaker at national and international ADHD conferences. She serves on the professional advisory board of the National Association for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADDA) and was a past recipient of their award for outstanding service by a helping professional. Solden’s areas of specialization include women's issues, inattentive ADHD, and the emotional consequences and healing process for adults who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (October 1, 2014)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1626250898
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1626250895
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.75 x 8.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars 590 ratings

About the author

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Terry Matlen
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Terry is a psychotherapist, writer and consultant specializing in ADHD in adults, with a special focus on women with ADHD. She is the author of the books, "The Queen of Distraction" (2014 New Harbinger Publications) and "Survival Tips for Women with ADHD" (2005 Specialty Press) and is the founder/director of www.ADDConsults.com and www.QueensOfDistraction.com . Terry also founded the social networking site, www.WomenADHD.com .

She is the former Vice President and a board member of ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc: www.add.org ) and is immediate past Coordinator of E. Oakland County CHADD (Michigan)- www.chadd.org . Terry is the founder and moderator of the first internet mailing list for ADD professionals.

Terry is certified through the Institute for the Advancement of ADHD Coaching as a Senior Certified Coach (SCAC) and runs online group coaching groups at www.QueensOfDistraction.com.

A nationally recognized speaker on the topic, Terry has a passion for raising awareness of the special challenges for women with ADHD and the unique issues they face as parents when both they and their children have ADHD. Her professional interests also include advocating for children with special needs.

Terry received a B.A. in Art Education, a M.S.W. in Clinical Social Work at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan and studied painting at the Art Students League in NYC. She is licensed to practice in Michigan and New York.

Married with 2 young adult children (one of whom has ADHD) Terry also has ADHD herself. In her spare time she likes to paint (and has shown her work extensively), play guitar and various other instruments, read and spend time with her family.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
590 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this book informative and well-written, particularly noting it's a must-read for women with ADHD. They appreciate the easy-to-follow suggestions and the author's great sense of humor. The book features short chapters, and one customer mentions it's written in a way someone with ADHD can read.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

53 customers mention "Information quality"49 positive4 negative

Customers find the book very informative and helpful, particularly for women with ADHD, with one customer mentioning it has provided ideas that have significantly improved their productivity.

"...text book or a medical book, it reads like you're talking to a very cool counselor who really gets you, and maybe has some crayons in her office and..." Read more

"I really enjoyed ready this book. The tips I hear are really effective and I the writing style makes it an easy read...." Read more

"...I've found that really addresses those differences and directs the information to adult women in a way that is meaningful, informative, and accurate." Read more

"...books which I read as well, Terry's book was a very informative, practical, funny account of mid-life ADHD that convinced me that yes, these are my..." Read more

17 customers mention "Reading ability"17 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well written and easy to read, with one customer noting it's particularly accessible for those with ADHD.

"...The tips I hear are really effective and I the writing style makes it an easy read...." Read more

"...(bullets, lists, lots of headings and bold print for the true ADHD woman to be able to stick with and follow)...." Read more

"...I gave the book 5 stars because I found it easy to read and I was able to walk away with many more tools in my toolbox for dealing with my ADHD..." Read more

"While the tone of the book is upbeat and easy to read, this book is really for women who are taking ADHD meds...." Read more

8 customers mention "Ease of use"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to follow and approachable, with one customer noting it gets straight to the point.

"Easy to read, approachable, and well formatted..." Read more

"...the way the author presents the concepts and strategies is just really accessible and easy to apply to life." Read more

"...The organization within chapters is pretty good, easy to follow, but the only chapters I found very useful were the first couple, one on why women..." Read more

"she thought of EVERYTHING, every little detail!..." Read more

5 customers mention "Humor"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's sense of humor in the book.

"...as well, Terry's book was a very informative, practical, funny account of mid-life ADHD that convinced me that yes, these are my people." Read more

"Well and logically organized, well written with fresh humor...." Read more

"...Treats the issue with humor and understanding. Learn how to "forgive" yourself for not being Superwoman at all times!" Read more

"...The author has a great sense of humor, and provides great tips for overcoming ADHD as a wife/mother/employee." Read more

3 customers mention "Narrative length"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's narrative structure, with its short chapters and one customer mentioning it starts with a helpful short story.

"...I really liked how she started with a short story that described the issue in context. Defin6would reccomend...." Read more

"This book was amazing. The large font and short chapters made this book easy to read. Thank you!..." Read more

"If you have ADD or ADHD this book will set you free! Great narratives, compelling scientific evidence and lots of insight...." Read more

Struggling with ADHD? Pay someone to solve your problems or visit my website!
2 out of 5 stars
Struggling with ADHD? Pay someone to solve your problems or visit my website!
The title of this review is the author's main message in this book, which is a VERY basic introduction to ADHD in women. It has a LOT of white space and very large print and subtitles; it needn't have taken up as many pages as it did. Also, the incredibly large print makes for awkward situations where anyone sitting near you in public could easily read the book along with you. The organization within chapters is pretty good, easy to follow, but the only chapters I found very useful were the first couple, one on why women with ADHD are always late to things, and one on organizing papers and making to-do lists that emphasized the importance and time-sensitivity of items. Basically, get a lot of clocks and put them all around your house, and actually time your morning routines, such as putting on makeup or showering, so that you can schedule your mornings realistically. One of the big problems women with ADHD have is a sort of time-optimism, thinking more can be done in a certain amount of time than is actually possible. There are a couple chapters on relationships and communication about the unique challenges of ADHD, but there isn't any really groundbreaking information in here. There is a chapter on "sensitivity," which helped to explain why I have always had so much trouble finding comfortable clothing (itchy or uncomfortable clothing is yet another stimulus that demands attention), and one chapter on why shopping can be challenging because there are so many things demanding attention. I managed to read this whole book in one day, starting at 8:30am and ending at 2:30pm. I doubt that I'll read it again other than to refer to the organizing parts, which I easily could have written on a post-it after my first read through, but didn't. One of THE WORST parts about the book, is that the author is CONSTANTLY referring you to visit her website for lists, explanations, tips, and other resources. She mentions her website in every chapter, sometimes multiple times on a page. I understand the need to reference a website when it comes to a list that might be regularly updated, but she could have put a small icon or footnote next to the sentences mentioning such lists instead of saying "visit my website here" every time such things came up. After awhile, the book began to feel like a $15 website advertisement disguised as a book. (See photo) Additionally, her solution for a lot of the problems that women with ADHD face is "hire someone else to do it!" and "hire a counselor to give you advice." Very little advice for women who don't have money to throw at all of their problems or for women who want to learn to take control of their ADHD themselves. Not everyone can afford to have a personal assistant or to contract a professional organizer to remodel a closet. I'd recommend this book as a quick, cursory read for an overview on women in ADHD, but I wouldn't suggest buying it. You'll read it once and put it back on your shelf, so save yourself some money and check it out from the library instead. Additionally, there are online forums for people with ADHD that provide the same quality of personal anecdotes and individual testimony to tips on dealing with ADHD, all without the constant advertisements and money-based solutions.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2015
    I ordered this book because I was advised that I might have ADD. After reading this, so many things became clear. It's as if this book was written for me/about me! I had so many questions about myself and why I respond to things the way I do or why I interrupt people when I have no intention of being rude, why I use a blanket in the summer, why I hate uncomfortable clothes or odd fabrics, why I burn food or get distracted easily, why I feel so overwhelmed all the time or why loud noises and bright lights bother me. It explained things that I thought were just my personality flaws and explained that it's normal for someone with ADD. I feel so relieved to know I'm not alone, that I am not strange or depressed. I just have ADD and I'm okay with that. I think of this as my new "Brain Bible". It has so many simple answers for when you're overthinking the problem, or even little things you never put together as being symptoms of ADD. I hope it can help other people like it's helped me, I am so very excited to start my new journey and to embrace my ADD self. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't know much about the disorder, I thought it was just being hyperactive, or part of growing up. I'm 33, so ADD was kind of after my time, they thought of it as being a disorder for male children instead of something that can affect anyone. I found this book informative, entertaining and full of resources. I really would like to thank the author for taking the time to write something so wonderful as this, I got more information about myself in 194 pages than I have in 33 years. I know it will help me, and I hope it's as informative for you as it was for me. I highly suggest this book, it doesn't read like a text book or a medical book, it reads like you're talking to a very cool counselor who really gets you, and maybe has some crayons in her office and a cool bean bag chair.
    43 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2020
    I really enjoyed ready this book. The tips I hear are really effective and I the writing style makes it an easy read. I really liked how she started with a short story that described the issue in context. Defin6would reccomend. She talked about the the symptoms of ADHD and how that makes life difficult. She helps you remember that you arent a failure because of your ADHD problems and there is no shame in finding ways to do what you need to even if it means take out and outsourcing tasks (aka not being the traditional home maker and cook).
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2015
    Easy to read, approachable, and well formatted (bullets, lists, lots of headings and bold print for the true ADHD woman to be able to stick with and follow). I am a psychologist who works with many people with ADHD, and I have started routinely recommending this to many of my clients. ADHD looks very different in adults vs. children, and in women vs. men, and this is one of the first books I've found that really addresses those differences and directs the information to adult women in a way that is meaningful, informative, and accurate.
    9 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2016
    I loved this book. It was the book that finally made me realize that my ADHD diagnosis was for real. I don't fit the stereotype. I have multiple degrees and have started several companies so I was a bit skeptical. It was Terry's comments and questions peppered throughout this book that made me realize that although I didn't fit the stereotype I sure fit the mold. Comments and questions like these really brought everything home for me: had I overcompensated for my lack of innate tidiness by turning into a perfectionist with OCD tendencies or do I buy everything that promises to help me organize or declutter or why can I no longer cook and get the timing right, why to my husbands horror I cannot go into any store and come out in under an hour even if I know exactly what I'm running into get, or how I hate to answer phone calls or call people back. I never feel like I have enough hours in a day and I know that once I get started I can't get off the phone in under an hour. But most importantly, Terry gave me the information to understand that I'd always had ADHD but I also had enough OCD and anxiety to keep it in check and actually get it to work for me. It was in mid-life that it really went off the rails. In short, it's all about hormones. Thankfully, I was not suffering from early onset dementia or alzheimers as I suspected. In the midst of all the ADHD medical books which I read as well, Terry's book was a very informative, practical, funny account of mid-life ADHD that convinced me that yes, these are my people.
    48 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2022
    While I picked up a couple of good tips, I didn't find this book very helpful. Many of the suggestions require having money to hire people to do the things that you struggle with. Most people don't have this luxury. I was hoping for more practical strategies.
    15 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Elizabeth Puente
    5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you!
    Reviewed in Mexico on June 19, 2019
    I'm 40 years old and was diagnosed ADD when I was 38. As ADD women will understand, my life has always been chaotic. This book has literally saved my day! It's very practical because it gives solutions and recommendations for daily activities that go from doing the laundry to cooking, shopping, going to work, etc.
    I love it.
  • Anouk wattiez
    5.0 out of 5 stars A game changer
    Reviewed in France on November 7, 2018
    Thanks you so much for this book who made me realize that I probably have an adhd like my kids !!
  • L.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Niks meer aan doen
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on December 25, 2023
    Ingelezen in dit boek nadat ik op 55-jarige leeftijd de diagnose ADHD kreeg. Heel veel informatie en nog meer herkenning. Veel concrete voorbeelden, laagdrempelig boek
    Aanrader!
    Report
  • TG
    5.0 out of 5 stars Full of great tips and easy to read.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 1, 2021
    Easy to read with fantastic tips for making life easier for people with ADHD or ADD. Great book full of great ideas from someone who has lived the life.
  • Elisabet
    5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely a MUST
    Reviewed in Spain on May 31, 2020
    Great book for women ADHD diagnosed after their teens.