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Fist of the North Star

R CC
2.9 out of 5 stars (65) IMDb 3.9/10

Based on a graphic novel, this apocalyptic adventure centers on a man who must reverse the cataclysmic conditions of his world.

Starring:
Gary Daniels, Malcolm McDowell
Runtime:
1 hour, 32 minutes

Available to watch on supported devices.

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Format: DVD
nobody explodes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one! i can't stress that enough. no one suffers the true wrath of the fist of the north star. if you are a fan of the animated series then don't watch this movie. it will only make you hate the person who made it. if you are a fan of martial arts movies, don't watch this movie because it will make you hate all of the actors in this movie. if you are a fan of mullets don't watch this movie because it will forever detract from the joy that courses through your veins everytime you see a remarkable quaff of hockey hair. if you are a fan of cheasy b movies then i also strongly suggest that you do not watch this one because it will make you hate yourself. this movie sucks on levels that you didn't even know existed. it sucks more than going on a blind date with with your mom. it sucks more than watching rosie o'donnell and liza minelli strip down and wrestle in creamed corn and chick peas. worse than a drunk near sighted proctologist with cold hands and long nails. it sucks more than pamela anderson having hep c. or like seeing your grandmother getting out of the shower. like sifting through dog poop looking for worms this movie will leave you feeling like you need a shower. is this movie better than a sharp stick in the eye? no, if somone stabbed you in the eye with any stick while you were watching this movie, then you would thank them for their mercy. save your sanity and do not, under any circumstances, watch this movie. gary daniels sucks and nobody explodes!
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Format: DVD
There was a brief period around 1995-7 when Toei, one of the major film companies in Japan, produced a string of now forgotten films featuring B-list English-speaking actor(s). Those films usually included Japanese actors as part of main cast or supports, and many of them were theatrically released in Japan (though none of them became a commercial hit). Today not many people know such titles as `No Way Back' (featuring then unknown Russell Crowe and Kelly Hu), `Countdown' (with Lori Petty'), `Final Vendetta' (with Brigitte Wilson) and `Crying Freeman' (directed by Christophe Gans). Except for `Crying Freeman' which is a decent action film, they are mostly unremarkable films.

`Fist of the North Star' was made during this period. The big difference is that its post-WWIII story derives from hugely popular Japanese manga series `Fist of the North Star' (`Hokuto no Ken'). Ask any Japanese under 40, and you will realize the popularity of the series. Well, not everyone liked it, but this comic created by Buronson and Tesuo Hara.became popular during the 1980s, and then TV animation version started, which also became a hit.

But this live-action version of `North Star' falls flat completely. It uses the earlier chapters of the original comic as the main story, in which we follow the battles of a stoic fighter named Kenshiro (Gary Daniels) in the bleak, post-apocalyptic world plagued with violence. Blood thirsty gangsters attack the villagers, and they steal and kill mercilessly. It is the world of the second `Mad Max' film (which greatly influenced the original comic), but unlike Mel Gibson's character Kenshiro (whose character is partly based on Bruce Lee) fights the villains with his original kung-fu, which causes the enemy's body explode (yes, literally, like `The `Scanners').
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Format: DVD
I once ate some Domino's pizza, about 15 years or so ago. It disagreed with me, violently. I was sick for three days, not knowing which end was going to explode first, or if it was going to be both at the same time. The putrefying stench was the most vile thing on earth. It was hard to believe that the human body was capable of emitting such a noisome horror. The smell permeated every room in the house and lingered, despite opening the doors and windows. Dogs out on the street vomited uncontrollably. Insects died in mid-flight. Virgins in a tri country area were immaculately deflowered (or not so immaculately). By the end, it felt like I was excreting battery acid, I was praying for merciful death to come take me away. It was bad.

This movie was worse.

I will confess that I have a spot in my heart for campy, cheesy, B-Movies. At first, I thought thats what I was watching, though B-movie would have been a compliment in this case. However about 30 minutes into the movie, I realized that this movie was actually taking itself seriously. Before I came to the realization that this was intended to be serious, I actually thought it might have been some sort of bizarre homage to gay films. The main character dude was always oiled up, flexing, and striking these bizarre poses. He managed to lose his shirt in almost every scene. They stated that he had a girlfriend, but I honestly expected him to ride off into the sunset with Costas Mandylor, side-saddle, on the back of a pink unicorn.

The sets. They could have watched Mad Max a couple more times to get it down. A post apocalyptic world should be dirty. There should be rubble and debris scattered around. This seemed too clean somehow.
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Format: DVD
This is the most heinous tribute to an anime feature I have ever had the sorry displeasure to ever witness. The fight scenes were mediocre, the actors were as exciting as 3 day old dish water, and the fact that they had the nerve to associate it with so venerable and revered an anime classic as the TRUE FIST, makes me wish to humbly vomit in the ajacent vacinity of these film makers. Why would Malcolm McDowell lower himself to so low an estate as to associate himself with such a slipshot production? What the hel possessed the film makers to even make it? Do they wish to insult the public?
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