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David Erik Nelson
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Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate Kindle Edition

by David Erik Nelson (Author), Chad Sell (Illustrator) Format: Kindle Edition
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 29 ratings
See all formats and editions
Imagine Lost Creek, Utah in the summer of 1874:

Dusty streets…

Hard-working mormons…

Clockwork androids engaged in conjugal relations out in front of the saloon…

…and the townsfolk are losing their sense of humor about it.

The Long Civil War is finally over, thanks to the brutal battlefield efficiency of the Union's horde of clockwork soldiers. Many decommissioned "clockies" have fled West to live out their retirement peacefully.

A small enclave settles on the mesa near Lost Creek, Utah. They are accepted as a tolerable nuisance by their Mormon neighbors—until Dickie Tucker, a one-eyed, alcoholic Confederate veteran, takes it upon himself to school these machines in what people truly hold in high regard.

A must-read for lovers of Twain, Bradbury, and dirty limericks. Get it instantly for free with Kindle Unlimited.

Praise for Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate

"Bawdy science fiction with soul about ostensibly soulless wind up machines who are taught one lesson but learn another. An old fashioned science fiction thought experiment that leaves the reader with lingering philosophical twinges."—Rob

"This is dark comedy, wonderfully absurd, riotously bawdy, populated by a full set of fantastically flawed characters."—Lois Tilton, Internet Review of Science Fiction

"By turns filthy and laugh-out-loud funny, the bawdy humour gradually gives way to a deeper sadness. An outstanding story." — Colin Harvey, Suite101

Previous slide of product details
  1. Print length
    68 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    November 6, 2013
  4. Reading age
    16 - 18 years
  5. File size
    2538 KB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
  9. See all details
Next slide of product details

Editorial Reviews

Review

"["Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate"] is at one level nearly wacky, but it has deeper concerns, reflected in the examination of the treatment of such disadvantaged individuals as alcoholics, Confederate veterans, the Chinese, Jews, and of course clockwork ex-soldiers. It all comes together very effectively." -- Rich Horton, Locus, July 2008 (Recommended Story)

"The story is poignant, sad and funny, bitter and hopeful, and altogether amazing in its examination of exactly what it means to be human--and to live among humans." -- Sherwood Smith, The Fix, May 16, 2008.
"By turns filthy and laugh-out-loud funny, the bawdy humour gradually gives way to a deeper sadness. An outstanding story." -- Colin Harvey, Suite101, August 19, 2008.
"The longest story ever in an issue of Paradox, and it is well worth it. . . . The story is frequently humorous but takes on a serious tone, giving us something truly memorable." -- Sam Tomaino, SFRevu, May 29, 2008.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B006RTWZF6
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Ars Architeuthis Press; 2nd edition (November 6, 2013)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ November 6, 2013
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 2538 KB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 68 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 29 ratings

About the author

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David Erik Nelson

David Erik Nelson

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David Erik Nelson is an award-winning science-fiction author and essayist. His short fiction has appeared in Asimov's, F&SF, and a variety of "Best of" anthologies. He keeps house in Ann Arbor, Michigan, with his wife, aging dog, and two children.

Find him online at www.davideriknelson.com

or follow him on Twitter: twitter.com/SquiDaveo

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
29 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book engaging and satisfying. They praise the writing style as thoughtful, lovely, and elegiac. The story features endearing characters and an interesting mechanical plot. Readers describe the humor as funny, moving, and profane.

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ReadabilityWriting styleStorytellingHumor
7 customers mention "Readability"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging and enjoyable. They appreciate the lively writing style with witty humor and well-crafted descriptions. The story is described as clever, lively, and similar to classic 1950s sci-fi radio stories like "X Minus One".

"...An old fashioned science fiction thought experiment that leaves the reader with lingering philosophical twinges. A Kindle single that hits the mark." Read more

"...It was such an absolute joy to read. There are so many little gems of ideas, turns of phrase, well-tuned descriptions of side characters that..." Read more

"...that androids are living in the Old South; it's as unlikely as it is compelling. It got caught in my gears so to speak. Total deal. A great read." Read more

"Tucker is funny, and dense, and more than a little dark, and engaging, cover to cover...." Read more

6 customers mention "Writing style"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style. They find the writing thoughtful, with lovely language and lively humor. The book has an excellent writing style with lively humor and human drama. The illustrations are haunting and lyrical, leaving the reader with lingering philosophical thoughts. Overall, it's an easy read with endearing characters.

"...science fiction thought experiment that leaves the reader with lingering philosophical twinges. A Kindle single that hits the mark." Read more

"...The illustrations are haunting and lyrical. In 82 pages Nelson develops a complete alternate reality, I wish we could have spent more time in it...." Read more

"This is an easy read, a story featuring endearing humans and interesting mechanical entities...." Read more

"For a short work, this book packs in many twists. Excellent writing with lively, baudy humor and skull-jarring human drama wound up tighter than a..." Read more

5 customers mention "Storytelling"5 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the engaging storytelling. They find the story skillfully told with an endearing cast of characters. The voice of the story is catchy and resonant in their minds. Readers describe the tale as wonderful, fantastic, and heartwarming, with lively humor and human drama.

"...The illustrations are haunting and lyrical. In 82 pages Nelson develops a complete alternate reality, I wish we could have spent more time in it...." Read more

"This is an easy read, a story featuring endearing humans and interesting mechanical entities...." Read more

"...The characters and the storytelling are lively. The voice of the story is catchy and I felt that character rolling around in my head even away from..." Read more

"...Excellent writing with lively, baudy humor and skull-jarring human drama wound up tighter than a watch-spring...." Read more

4 customers mention "Humor"4 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the humor in the book. They find it humorous, engaging, and dark. The prose is described as clever, profane, and elegiac.

"...The story and prose are smarter and bawdier and more elegiac than I'd ever expected...." Read more

"Tucker is funny, and dense, and more than a little dark, and engaging, cover to cover...." Read more

"...Excellent writing with lively, baudy humor and skull-jarring human drama wound up tighter than a watch-spring...." Read more

"...Both times it has been a hilarious and moving and filthy read...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Fritz Swanson
    5.0 out of 5 stars The clockwork chinamen are sad
    Reviewed in the United States on July 5, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    The clockwork chinamen, when they are first uncrated and assembled, have a period most commonly referred to as phlegmatic. It is the belief of most learned men that the complexity of their clockwork mechanism, and the intense magnetic field sometimes induced by the folded steel coild spring at their heart, drags against the elemental ether, and untl their surrounding atmosphere adjusts to the spinning and clacking of their millions of minute wheels and cogs and gears, they are left to twist and shudder listlessly. The phlegmatic period can last for half of one hour, and push on to three or four days, and new owners are advised to leave them in a closed, locked and darkened cupboard so that they do themselves and others no harm. Also, obviously, the uninitiated are often disturbed by the way their limbs dangle and their head shudders. Sensitive young ladies have, on occasion, tried to "comfort" the machines, given that the phlegmatic state can, to the undisciplined and emotional eye of the fairer sex, appear to be a kind of sadness. It is advised that this be prevented from happening because, though the ministrations of a comely lady have, incidentally, appeared to rouse the machine and bring it to work more quickly, the machine takes special care to follow the lady with its ocular mechanism, and this tracking of the subject is disconcerting at the least, and can cause unwanted bonding to occur between the chinamen and the lady in question.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Rob
    4.0 out of 5 stars Bawdy SF.
    Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    Bawdy science fiction with soul about ostensibly soulless wind up machines who are taught one lesson but learn another. An old fashioned science fiction thought experiment that leaves the reader with lingering philosophical twinges. A Kindle single that hits the mark.
    Helpful
     Report
  • Krog
    5.0 out of 5 stars Tawdry Twain, Sex-depraved Shelley
    Reviewed in the United States on November 11, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    The young man remembered an old bottle factory by the river front, brought a backpack full of books, plenty of weed and the company of an unwholesome woman. He righted the giant glass beaker in the darkest corner, tossed in plenty of Mark Twain, shuffled with a good measure of Mary Shelley. She added a few pages each of EB White's Charlotte's Web and John Dennis Fitzgerald's The Great Brain, because, why not? It made them both laugh. He pumped the oxygen from the elixir, but at the last second, she exhaled a healthy dose of cannabis smoke into the big womb-bulb, just before he sealed it shut. He threw the switch and grabbed his companion's wrist. They commenced sexual acts of a depraved and felonious nature before the blue-white and noisy approval of the electric arc. At dawn, they walked the train tracks spent-melancholy, having left all conversation and intercourse back at the factory, where the power was still on...

    And that's the true birth story of Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate. It was discovered generations later -- interleaved among shards of glass, oxidized wiring and dessicated latex. It is nothing less than a modern American masterpiece, but this fellow, David Erik Nelson, is just taking credit.
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  • T. Paddock
    5.0 out of 5 stars exceptional!
    Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    While I have barely a passing familiarity with steampunk literature, Tucker reminded of one of those exceptional sci-fi short stories I would read in middle school that really stuck with me, and I'll think of one every now and then when a situation comes up, but can't I really explain to anyone what I'm thinking of because it's just too complicated to explain how evocative and revelatory and appropriate the story's relevance to the situation at hand is. It was such an absolute joy to read. There are so many little gems of ideas, turns of phrase, well-tuned descriptions of side characters that fleshed out a rich world full of desire and longing and depth. The illustrations are haunting and lyrical. In 82 pages Nelson develops a complete alternate reality, I wish we could have spent more time in it. The story and prose are smarter and bawdier and more elegiac than I'd ever expected. I wish this could be the basis for a lost fourth season of HBO's Deadwood.
    Helpful
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  • SciFi Lover
    5.0 out of 5 stars A fantastic tale of learning to love
    Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    This is an easy read, a story featuring endearing humans and interesting mechanical entities. The story is told in the first person by a veterinarian (or maybe he is really a medical doctor) who goes to the Utah Territory after the War Between the States. Some of General Sherman's mechanized soldiers (Clockies) have gone there, too, and they have turned their swords into more useful tools. After the ne'er-do-well Tucker and the dancehall proprietress show the Clockies how humans can copulate, the Clockies show up around town in various sexual positions. The transformation of nearly everybody starts at that point.

    The author has created a wonderful story. I was sorry it had to end.
    Helpful
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