For a book about a child growing up in a hoarding environment, I found this to be surprisingly tragic. Like many others, I'm addicted the popular tv shows that feature, and some might argue exploit, this mental health issue. If you look around online, it's not hard to find articles and forum comments that are very judgmental, and often times vicious, toward the people who appear on these shows. It's not uncommon for viewers to suggest that watching "Hoarders" is inspiration to clean their own homes. It's easy to forget that these are human beings-- not motivational tools.

Kimberly Rae Miller puts a very human face on the issue of hoarding. Her father has no memories of his childhood, at all. His parents were hard-core alcoholics and whatever happened to him in his youth was protectively erased by his brain. Her mother grew up unloved by neglectful parents. She suffers with an extreme spinal condition because her parent's couldn't be bothered to get her a back brace as a child. Kimberly's father starts as the catalyst for the hoarding situation. He's fond of papers, any paper, and radios. Their house quickly fills of them. Her mother is angry at the mess, but also ultimately resigned to it. She eventually becomes a compulsive shopper who adds to the hoard.

The hoard slowly takes over the family's life. Their first house burns down in a fire, spurred on by the mounds of paper, killing all the family pets. Her parents separate for a time, partly to keep CPS from discovering their true living conditions. The boiler explodes, and they have to start taking weekly showers at a local gym. Then they discover a surprise living in their attic, the reveal of which literally had me screeching at my Kindle.

This is a very well-written memoir, better than many I've read from professional writers. The author is likable and down to earth. I think some people will be confused, maybe even put off, by her forgiving nature to her parents. But I get it. My interest in hoarding actually comes from my husband's family-- both he and his mother have hoarding tendencies. Yet, I grew up in a dysfunctional environment, and I could relate to every inner struggle with her parents. I wish her the best of luck going forward and dealing with her parents as they continue to age.

Sometimes our house is cluttered with toys, sports equipment, mail and newspapers, dirty dishes, laundry, etc. I tend to get tense and stressed until everything gets put away and taken care of. This kind of clutter is nothing compared to the kind of clutter, filth, and horrendous conditions that Miller grew up in. Miller's father was a lover of all papers and electronics (working or not) and would pile them up into all corners of the house from floor to ceiling. After a difficult surgery, her mother was confined to bed and became a compulsive shopper, often times never even opening the boxes of merchandise that was constantly being delivered to their home. In COMING CLEAN, Miller recounts her childhood growing up being ashamed to live in squalor.

I found her story fascinating, riveting, and heart breaking. Her childhood of never having sleepovers, not being able to sit on furniture or even the floor, and yet having parents who loved and supported her were such oxymorons.

"Every night before I went to sleep, I would conjure the image
of the actor George Burns in my head and ask him for the things I wanted most in life:
new dolls, a best friend, and for my house to burn down." Page 36

As an adult, Miller believes that each time she cleans her parents' house out, it will stay clean...until the next time. She constantly feels like she can fix her parents and becomes physically and psychology exhausted and overwhelmed. As a reader you want to scream at her for constantly going back and yet understand her desire to care for her parents and their needs. Reading this book will make you look at the clutter in your home in a whole new way.

What a touching read. It's interesting to see how the author developed her own coping mechanisms to deal with her parent's coping mechanism (the hoarding). Tough to read at some points, Miller did not hold back in describing the depths of filth she lived in and hid from others, though she was always compassionate and loving towards her parents (though at time understandably angry).

For a period of about a year I also lived with a roommate who I came to realize was a hoarder, so I can relate to some. When I first moved in he told me all the extra stuff/furniture was from the last roommate and he was just being kind and holding onto it for them until they moved it into a storage unit. In a tight rental market like San Francisco, when a room is available and affordable you take it so I easily accepted his explanation. When I asked him a few months later when the ex-roommate was coming for his things, he nonchalantly said "oh they said I could keep it, it'd be too much hassle to move". True or not, he never gave it away or sold it, it just became permanent fixtures to continue to maneuver around--microwaves piled one on top of the other filling the hallway, filing cabinets filled with fine china taking up the entire dining room, absolutely no sitting room in the living room, nothing bought as one but instead by the 5s and 10s at a time (for himself, a single person) with packages coming almost every other day. It took 3 months of negotiating with him to get him to agree to keep the walk way from the entry to my door clear so I didn't have to push thru the door piled with stuff behind it just to get to my room.

The thing is he knew he had a lot of stuff and wanted to make some order of it but truly seemed overwhelmed and confused. He'd declare the new project he'd tackle to get his stuff organized--one weekend the closet for example, but then would get so bogged down by the shear volume and seeking to perfect even the smallest details that he'd quickly tire or become overwhelmed and an afternoon task would drag on for weeks before being abandoned for the next seemingly easier project. What was amazing, even with amount of things piled in the apartment, pick any item at random and he could tell you where he got it, who gave it to him, and some interesting story to go with it. While I just saw things that could be donated or sold on craigslist at best, each and every thing truly meant something to him. Thankfully we didn't live in complete squalor thanks to a biweekly cleaning service to help with the bathrooms and kitchen. Like the father in the book, he is also exceptionally smart, genuinely caring, and very possibly may have been emotionally uncared for though growing up in a financially doting home. I'm not aware of alcoholism in his family from our conversations. It was almost heartbreaking to read this book because I've seen it first hand and I see the turmoil it caused within himself, wanting to change, but simply not being able to. But really, can't we all say that about some aspect of ourselves or loved ones?

Extremely well written, hitting on both the nuances of hers and her parents frustrations in the experience.