The list author says: "I'll add works, as well as comments, to this list as I progress through various phases and gain back a greater attention span for reading. Some of these selections are not terribly rigorous, intellectually, but still manage to provide some comfort. I have no other experience with the "self help" genre."
"Aimed toward older women with children, but applicable to all "abandonees." The only book to make me feel like there's at least one other person on earth who has experienced some of the particulars of what I am experiencing. Appreciated "What not to say" section as well as list of Wife Abandonment Syndrome defining characteristics. You'll want to make copies of sections for people."
"Words that cut through the meaningless clutter to help you stay focused on survival. You feel powerless but must remember that if you're alive you have power: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedomsÂto choose oneÂs attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose oneÂs own way."
"While much of this book focuses on the premise that you've endured many abandonments leading up to the one big one (not all of us have), the chapters on internalizing rejection (self-blame) and ch. 5 (typical problems abandonment survivors have in moving on into new relationships) were v. helpful. Get a highlighter!"
"Dovetails nicely with Stark's theory that only narcissists can be abandoners. Chapter 14 (It's All Over) describes: "You never really understand what happened or why it didn't work," "You don't understand why your partner refused to do anything to save the relationship," "You can't figure out why your partner seems angry at you," and "Your partner has no respect for what you shared together.""
"50% cheesy poetry, 50% concise advice that made my eyes well, including: "In this age of fast foods and instantly replaceable everything, it's hard to accept that anything takes time." "Keep decision-making to a minimum." "Pretending expends energy that could be better used for healing." "There is a beauty in sadness." "The antidote for anxiety is action.""
"If Stark's book is about what you're going through, this book is the only available discussion of what may have afflicted him. This is the book to read if people have told you that it always takes "two to tango" (or contribute to the demise of a marriage), but you know in your case it isn't true. Puts therapy and therapists in context; creates vocabulary to name this disease. Dated."